Go with it or speak up?

linneadl22

My wedding is the 17th of July this year, and I have a question regarding family contributing to the something old, new, borrowed, blue tradition.  My mom wants to be heavily involved with my wedding, which I appreciate, but I'm worried of offending her if I chose not to accept all of her suggestions.  I am planning on wearing the traditional Swedish crochet crown that my great aunt made for my mom and she wore on her wedding.  This will be the something old.  My mom says that I should wear it throughout the ceremony and reception, and I was thinking of only wearing it during the ceremony.  Would that be offensive, should I just wear it?  Also, I read somewhere that traditionally the something borrowed is supposed to be a passing down or sharing of happiness and therefore from one who is happily married.  My mother wants me to borrow her pearls for this, but she and my dad are separated and are working towards a divorce.  I know I don't have to follow tradition, but I have with most other things and was hoping to borrow something from my grandma, who was happily married her whole marriage with my grandpa who died the year I met my fiance'.  I don't want to offend my mother, when she is wanting to help and contribute so badly, especially since she feels badly that she can't help financially and is guilty about my fiance' and I having to pay for everything ourselves.  What advice can you give me in how to decide what to do?  Should I accept and go with all my mother's contributions or respectfully decline the one's I had other ideas for?

Thanks,
Linnea

greygarnett

I don't think that you have to bring up the fact about the divorce being one of the factors in this to her. I would just let her know that you appreciate the offering of the earings but you'd also like to include a momento from your grandparents in your special day. She can't be upset about that. And as far as the crown. Just wear it as long as you like. You can also take some pics with it on, then take it off for some pics and then just don't put it back on. She probably won't notice or be the wiser cause she will all be having too good a time and mingling with the crowd.

rknox88

Yeah, you don't need to make mention of your parents divorce. Just gently tell your mother, that while you appreciate the offer to borrow her pearls, she has already let you use her crochet crown, and you would like to make grandma feel included too so you would like to ask to borrow a piece of her jewlery collection.

asialee2

Oh yes, go with that suggestion. I'm sure she will understand that you want your grandma involved as well! 

linneadl22

Thanks everyone!  Hopefully she will understand.  She's been pretty emotional lately, probably because of the situation, so I really didn't want to upset her or reject her help, but grandma has alzeimer's so she won' t be around forever and she isn't able to come to the wedding because of her condition, so I think my mom will be able to
understand for that reason.  I just wanted to get other's ideas before I talk to her.
Thanks everyone!

heinz11msw

I am not going with any of the borrowed-blue-old-new stuff.. Who cares in my opinion. I think wearing the dress for the ceremony is enough. If you want a "party" dress for the reception, I say do it!

I would not worry about the divorce thing-- it's just jewelry.

It's your wedding. do what makes you happy and what you will not regret.