Moms and Maids

When to ask friends to be bridesmaids

I just got engaged about a week ago today. I've spoken with my fiance, who says he wants to have 5 groomsmen and 5 bridesmaids. We aren't sure when we will get married yet, we are thinking either this December/January or next May. (He's going to Med School in August and that's why we are waiting so long).
So, my question is when do I ask the girls to be my bridesmaids? Should I wait till we know the date or ask right now.

Thanks in advance!
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Re: When to ask friends to be bridesmaids

  • edited December 2011
    First, you should ask the people closest to you, so if you both happen to be uper close with exactly 5 people, fine, but neither of you should feel obligated to cut back or expand your side to fit within that magic number.

    Secondly. Wait. There are no real advantages to asking them now. Bridal party requirements are only ordering the dress,which usually happen a couple months before, and standing up the the day of. It's almost impossible to commit to stand up in someone's wedding if you don't know what year it's going to be in.

    Furthermore, a lot is going to happen between now and next May, relationships and finances could change. There are a lot of adjustments in the first year of anything, relationships can evolve. What would happen if you asked your bridal party now and then your FI got his financial aid package finalized and you found out you wanted to cut back your wedding to family only for financial reasons?
  • jagore08jagore08 member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    You should definitely wait until you have a date set and then wait until your wedding is about 9 months out.  And I agree with sister2groom, you should ask your nearest and dearest.  It shouldn't be about numbers.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_ask-friends-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:db4a493e-ece4-4a3a-bddc-10609d642288Post:5989ccc8-7834-4337-a3fe-b73010e5be4f">When to ask friends to be bridesmaids</a>:
    [QUOTE]I just got engaged about a week ago today. I've spoken with my fiance, who says he wants to have 5 groomsmen and 5 bridesmaids. We aren't sure when we will get married yet, we are thinking either this December/January or next May. (He's going to Med School in August and that's why we are waiting so long). So, my question is when do I ask the girls to be my bridesmaids? Should I wait till we know the date or ask right now. Thanks in advance!
    Posted by MPingel[/QUOTE]

    6-9 months before the wedding.  I'll be a third voice saying don't pick people based on an arbitrary number.  You pick your side, he picks his.  If you have five (or an even number of BMs and GMs) great.  Otherwise, nobody is going to notice or care.  Picking somebody to fill that last spot or excluding someone because they would be too many is an awful thing to do.
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  • courtney1188courtney1188 member
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Do a quick look through this board and the wedding party one and you will see TONS of girls saying that they should of listened to the advice they got and not asked their bridesmaids till closer to the wedding, but they were so close and so sure but now things have changed and they don't want them in the wedding.
  • sarah42ndsarah42nd member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with all the PPs. 6-9 months before the wedding. So much can change in your relationships you have now.  I would go and read some of the other post on this subject too.
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  • edited December 2011
    6-8 months.

    people change, unfortunately!
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  • graysquirrelgraysquirrel member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Definitely wait till you have a date! There have been tons of horror stories involving people without specifics solidified at the beginning. From what I've experienced & heard, waiting till you're at least less than a year out to ask is best. 
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  • deb84deb84 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    1) You should be asking those closest to you-your best friends and closest family members.  The sides do not have to be even.
    2) Have a date set BEFORE you ask.  How can they say yes if they don't know when it is?
    3) 6-9 months before the wedding.  People and their situations change. 

    GOOD LUCK!
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  • mandi921vhmandi921vh member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Listen to PPs and WAIT until 6-9 months before your wedding.
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  • edited December 2011
    I asked my bridesmaids about a month after we got engaged, which was just on Christmas Eve. I knew we were getting married in 2012, but had no idea much else. My fiance knew that he wanted the boys he grew up with, so for us it was a pretty easy choice. I wouldn't have been able to keep it to myself much longer than I did, because all those girls mean so much to me, and have been friends for years. If something happens, it happens, but I don't regret the early ask.

    Do what feels right to you.
  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_ask-friends-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:db4a493e-ece4-4a3a-bddc-10609d642288Post:01ead526-d6a8-4318-b809-c0c1970eb654">Re: When to ask friends to be bridesmaids</a>:
    [QUOTE]I asked my bridesmaids about a month after we got engaged, which was just on Christmas Eve. I knew we were getting married in 2012, but had no idea much else. My fiance knew that he wanted the boys he grew up with, so for us it was a pretty easy choice. I wouldn't have been able to keep it to myself much longer than I did, because all those girls mean so much to me, and have been friends for years. If something happens, it happens, but I don't regret the early ask. Do what feels right to you.
    Posted by bisbiglio[/QUOTE]
    Unfortunately, since you're still a long ways from your wedding, you have no way of knowing that you WON'T regret it.  I asked super early, and although my relationship with my BMs didn't really change, our plans certainly did, and they weren't as excited for the wedding as they probably would have been if they hadn't been part of it for so very long.  If I had it to do over again, I would have waited, even though I would have picked exactly the same attendants.

    If you still feel the same way once your wedding has come and gone, you can come back and say that it's totally fine to ask early and causes no problems whatsoever.  But you don't currently have the perspective necessary to give that advice.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • sabatronsabatron member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It's kind of weird that your man is set on having "5" people... what's the number fixation? Shouldn't it be more about which people you want in your party and not how many?  I second PPs in waiting a while.  If you're thinking next May, asking 14 months out is a little tricky, because things change in that amount of time.
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  • edited December 2011
    I have to add--- DON'T RUSH TO ASK ANYBODY! 

    I know it can be exciting to extend the invites, but a lot can happen over the course of 9 months (give or take). I had a cousin actually ask me if she could be in my wedding- and I was put on the spot and told her she could be in my wedding. I regret it so much now! I am not even that close to that cousin and I am stuck. I don't have a lot of close girlfriends so it's not that big of a deal, but I do regret it.

    I would say 7 months is a good time frame. It is taking 4 months for our bridesmaid dresses to be ordered, I have no idea why! 
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