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Moms and Maids

Involving your bridesmaid?

Ok...my sister in law has asked to be a bridesmaid in her upcoming wedding. The wedding is in 5 months but they have been planning for close to 10 months. Other than being asked to be a bridesmaid I have not been involved at all. Is it rude of me to expect more involvement from the bride or should I not worry about it? She has already got a dress and most of the wedding planned. Also, she has elected to have her bridal shower the weekend of my 1 year anniversary with my husband. When she did not invite me dress shopping with her other bridesmaid, friends, mother, fmil and a few family friends, I politely reminded that I would like to be involved but nothing has happened since then?
Jess

Re: Involving your bridesmaid?

  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_involving-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:db6424ee-1deb-4966-9981-93b9c53e8ebfPost:91293f8e-611c-4e92-834e-2f8a24c7ac64">Involving your bridesmaid?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok...my sister in law has asked to be a bridesmaid in her upcoming wedding. The wedding is in 5 months but they have been planning for close to 10 months. Other than being asked to be a bridesmaid I have not been involved at all. Is it rude of me to expect more involvement from the bride or should I not worry about it? She has already got a dress and most of the wedding planned. Also, she has elected to have her bridal shower the weekend of my 1 year anniversary with my husband. When she did not invite me dress shopping with her other bridesmaid, friends, mother, fmil and a few family friends, I politely reminded that I would like to be involved but nothing has happened since then?
    Posted by jessicafine10[/QUOTE]

    <div>The Bride doesn't have to really involve anyone in their wedding planning, though usually it is nice if they do. I say, don't worry about just let her know that if she needs any assistance or advice to give you a call. </div>
  • vicki0508vicki0508 member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    If you'd rather have a nice anniversary with your husband than attend her shower, that's perfectly fine.  I wouldn't be offended that she hasn't included you, she is probably just taking the reins and doing most things by herself.  I didn't even ask my FSIL to be a BM, much less include her in any of the planning.
  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I didn't involve my BMs much in the wedding.  It wasn't that I didn't like them, it was that there wasn't much for them to do.  It's just a party, it doesn't require a massive team of people to put together.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Do you have any kind of relationship with her?  I'd focus on trying to work building up the friendship.  If you're not close to her, then sorry to say, but you probably were included just because you're family.  Don't take it personally, that's just how a lot of people do things.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_involving-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:db6424ee-1deb-4966-9981-93b9c53e8ebfPost:d3fc6263-5d92-409d-9d20-3b9e283e538c">Re: Involving your bridesmaid?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I didn't involve my BMs much in the wedding.  It wasn't that I didn't like them, it was that there wasn't much for them to do.  It's just a party, it doesn't require a massive team of people to put together.
    Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I am the exact same way. Between me and my mom, we don't really need too much help! I feel like I don't even have that much to do!

    </div>
  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_involving-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:db6424ee-1deb-4966-9981-93b9c53e8ebfPost:91293f8e-611c-4e92-834e-2f8a24c7ac64">Involving your bridesmaid?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok...my sister in law has asked to be a bridesmaid in her upcoming wedding. The wedding is in 5 months but they have been planning for close to 10 months. Other than being asked to be a bridesmaid I have not been involved at all. Is it rude of me to expect more involvement from the bride or should I not worry about it? She has already got a dress and most of the wedding planned.<strong> Also, she has elected to have her bridal shower the weekend of my 1 year anniversary with my husband.</strong> When she did not invite me dress shopping with her other bridesmaid, friends, mother, fmil and a few family friends, I politely reminded that I would like to be involved but nothing has happened since then?
    Posted by jessicafine10[/QUOTE]

    Maybe that's the only weekend that worked for her. Your marriage won't dissolve if you have to spend a couple hours away from your husband for a bridal shower. And really, your anniversary is only important to you and your husband. You can't possibly expect other people to schedule their lives around it.

  • edited December 2011
    I haven't involved my BMs much in my wedding planning.  My mom and I have done everything so there hasn't been anything for the BMs to do.  My MOH came in town to go to a bridal show and shop for BM dresses but it was because she was excited and asked to be involved.  I wouldn't worry abou it and if you can't make the shower because of your anniversary I think that is perfectly acceptable.  If my BM couldn't make it I wouldn't be upset at all. 
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