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knisaa2

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FutureJilliannD

Your FI is the one who should be dealing with this. If he is punting this off to you, that is a problem.

If she does address you, simply say what you have been "Thanks FMIL, but we have got it under control." Say it nicely and kill with kindness. Then do what you want- if you pay, its your day.

ADTonk

It definitely needs to be addressed and no way is probably going to be easy.

I would try telling her that planning has been stressful for you not only because the financial burden is on you and FI alone, but also that you feel like you need to accommodate everyone else's preferences.  I would kindly remind her that she had her day and now it's your (and FI's) day.

LoveMuffins

What ADTonk said, but have FI say it. She's HIS mom to deal with, and it will come better from her son than from her FDIL.

mandi921vh

Sounds like your FI needs to have a long talk with her. It is his job to deal with his mother, he shouldn't make you deal with it. 

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_nervous-breakdown?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:dbe77d2d-595c-49ec-b979-d80f2dc43a68Post:a78a0b5b-1d28-4e15-bf94-52c34f261dcc">About to have a nervous breakdown!</a>:
[QUOTE]So...my FMIL is causing me a LOT of anxiety. Last year, my FI and I got put in a rough situation with a home we were renting out(it was literally falling apart and our land manager wouldn't fix anything) so my FMIL got some of her in-laws to help us out(it wasn't ANY of her money at all). She only did that so she could tell everyone how she helped us, even though it was her inlaws who helped. Eventually we got a really nice new place and have never been happier with it! We paid them back in a few months, and since then she constantly asks to borrow money from us. We have easily loaned her over $1,500 and none of  it has ever been paid back. And we don't expect her to. The money is the least of my problems. She is CONSTANTLY taking charge of everything. I have sat back and been nice about everything, <strong>but my FI gives in to her to avoid family drama</strong>(his WHOLE family is like this, and he freaks out over it all the time). I refuse to do it anymore, but he doesn't want to make her mad, mainly because she runs her mouth and spreads rumors and bad gossip to anyone who will listen to her. I am about to have a nervous breakdown. I don't talk to my family about this because they would call her out and the last thing I want is both of our families to clash and ruin our wedding. But I don't want any of my FMIL's input. She constatly gives her wo cents worth, and I've told her repeatedly that we have things under control and will solicit her advice when needed. But she wont stop. I'm so sick of hearing her tacky, ridiculous ideas, and since my FI and I are paying for the wedding ourselves without the help of anyone, her opinion isn't wanted at ALL. She is pretty much wanting our wedding and everything to accomodate her! How can I once and for all get the point across to her? This is more of a venting for me, but I'm afraid it's finally come down to an all or nothing thing where I don't say anyting and go nuts or I tell her and start a fight...any advice is much appreciated!!!
Posted by knisaa2[/QUOTE]
You don't have a FMIL problem, you have a FI problem.  He's clearly established that it's more important to keep his mother happy than it is to keep you happy.  You just need to decide if you're up for a lifetime of that.

Kniblet

[QUOTE]In Response to About to have a nervous breakdown! : You don't have a FMIL problem, you have a FI problem.  He's clearly established that it's more important to keep his mother happy than it is to keep you happy.  You just need to decide if you're up for a lifetime of that.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]
Ditto this.

If it drives your FI nuts, he needs to man up and stop letting it happen so that he doesn't have to deal with any fallout.

StephieBow

Yeah... this is FIs problem.  His mom, his problem.  If it's creating this much stress in your life he should definitely step up and at least try to do something about it.

sarah42nd

I agree with the PPs. Right now its the wedding. Whats going to happen when you start having her grandchildren and she tries to 'run the show' .

Muffin'sMom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_nervous-breakdown?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:dbe77d2d-595c-49ec-b979-d80f2dc43a68Post:8c4f7245-e058-421f-acb1-4d539590e0a1">Re: About to have a nervous breakdown!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to About to have a nervous breakdown! : You don't have a FMIL problem, you have a FI problem.  He's clearly established that it's more important to keep his mother happy than it is to keep you happy.  You just need to decide if you're up for a lifetime of that.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

This...and if she comes to you, smile sweetly and say,"What an interesting idea!  Thanks for sharing />"  Then change the subject.