Moms and Maids

Trying to like daughter's dress

We went shopping for the dress and she found the one she loves. I hate it. It does nothing to flatter her figure and she went way over her budget. She purchased the dress at a specialty store and all sales are final. She asked the salesperson to wait until the next day to charge the credit card (she had to move funds from the wedding account) but the woman swiped the card anyway that resulted in overdraft charges. I am angry and disappointed. Advice?

Re: Trying to like daughter's dress

  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I understand being disappointed.  But unfortunately it's her choice.

    Try and look past the dress and be happy for her.

    btw - I would be pissed at the store for swiping the card. 






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_trying-like-daughters-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:dc3bf583-a50d-4cc3-a8b0-fa6267bef1d6Post:f0715ef2-da9f-4124-ae6b-777d07619220">Trying to like daughter's dress</a>:
    [QUOTE]We went shopping for the dress and she found the one she loves. I hate it. It does nothing to flatter her figure and she went way over her budget. She purchased the dress at a specialty store and all sales are final. She asked the salesperson to wait until the next day to charge the credit card (she had to move funds from the wedding account) but the woman swiped the card anyway that resulted in overdraft charges. I am angry and disappointed. Advice?
    Posted by KikiTopaz[/QUOTE]

    Put a smile on your face and say nothing negative about the dress.  She loves it and she will look beautiful on her wedding day, so be happy for her.  With the alterations done, good undergarments, her wedding shoes on, hair done and makeup on you will be amazed at how nice she and the dress will be together. 

    It may be store policy to swipe the card only when it's actually in hand.
  • LarissaAnnLarissaAnn member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    If the store agreed to wait, I'd be very pissed at them and complain that they should pay the overdraft charges, but it's true, it may be against store policy.  That really does suck.

    As for the dress, if your daughter's happy with it and feels great in it, then look past the dress itself and focus on the fact that it makes your daughter happy and that she'll feel beautiful on her wedding day.  What's done is done, and she can't return it, so please, please don't let her know you hate it and make her feel bad.  It won't serve any constructive purpose at this point.
  • KikiTopazKikiTopaz member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011

    I needed to be reminded that it's not about me. It's her special day and I know she will look beautiful, no matter what she wears.  I will probably love the dress once the alterations are done and it fits her properly. I will discuss the charges with the saleswoman and see if she will offer anything to compensate for swiping the credit card before we could stop her. Returning the next day was no problem but I think they wanted the sale on the books that night.
    Thanks everyone. Your support and understanding was very helpful.

  • duckie1905duckie1905 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Chances are the salesperson you dealt with didn't have the authority or ability to charge the card the next day instead of that day.  While is sucks that they said they would there is nothing you can do about that.

    It is her dress, her money, her decision.  Plaster a smile on your face and be happy that she found something that SHE loves.
  • edited December 2011
    She will be beautiful no matter what she wears...she's your daughter! 
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I did love the dress my DD picked out.  And then once it was altered and she had her hair done, jewelry on, and veil, I was so blown away by how much more I loved it.

    She's your beautiful daughter, and she will look stunning.  And you'll be such a proud mom.  I have to say, being "parent of the...." is a very wonderful moment.  (I've been MOG and MOB).

    You're going to love the day your DD marries her FI.  A bit of advice for you:  make sure you take a moment, as your DD walks down the aisle, to turn and look at your SIL's face.  That is a memory that I don't think I'll ever forget.

    Seeing the complete and total adoration on his face for my DD:  priceless.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • jadedecarojadedecaro member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    well, it's her dress,and as long as it's not trashy, then she should be able to get it.
    if she's paying it herself.

    if ur paying the dress for her then u would have a say in this.
    but even that's the case, get her to pay the extra.

    she's getting married and u should try to be happy for her and just try ur best to ignore the dress.focus on the glow on her face.
  • Catwoman708Catwoman708 member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011

    It was so much easier when they were little, wasn't it?  You could tell them what to do and when to do it, what to wear, could control what they did, and had some influence over thier decisions.  If they argued, you "won" just "because I said so".  If they made mistakes, you could "fix" it.

    Now, if you see them make unwise decisions, you can't fix things for them.  If she made a purchase knowing there were no funds to cover it at the time of the transaction, then she had to pay the consequences of the overdraft charges.  If the dress is unflattering on her, then she has to live with the pictures of her in that unflattering dress for the rest of her life.

    The only thing you have control over is yourself, and try to step back and let her learn to fix her own problems.

  • kjane12kjane12 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Let's hope she has second thoughts about her dress.  Just kidding, that would only hurt the budget.  Perhaps during alterations, the dress will become more flattering, and you can learn to like her choice a bit more. 
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