Moms and Maids

My mother and her bizarre body issues.

My mom has always had body issues - she gained a little weight after high school, and then worked out like a psycho and got to be very, very thin.  She's always been obsessed with exercise and food and calls herself "fat."  Drives me nuts because she's 5'6, maybe 125 lbs.  She's teeny.

I'm a little meatier.  Not fat by any means - 5'4, 135, healthy hips, butt and chest.  I have three younger sisters - my youngest is a jock, the second youngest is built more like me except her chest is considerably smaller, and then the older one is thin but healthy.  She's a recovering anorexic.

Anyway - my mom and I were talking today about going to look at bridesmaid dresses this afternoon.  She made a comment about my sister who's built more like me (hips and butt), and how "oooooh, I remember what it's like to gain weight.  But soon she'll figure out that she's getting a little older and can't eat whatever she wants anymore."

It drives me nuts when she calls herself fat... but when she makes comments about my sisters it drives me crazy.  Especially since one of them almost died from an eating disorder.

I wish I knew what her problem is.
panther

Re: My mother and her bizarre body issues.

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    It sounds like your mom has a problem, too. Her behaviour is inexcusable, especially in light of your sister's eating disorder. I hope she is not making these comments to your sisters. If she can't be more supportive, don't take her along when you shop for the BM's dresses. Let her know how you feel about this.


                       
  • ohwhynotohwhynot member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ugh, I hear you.  My mom has had serious issues about weight her entire life - and she's 82 now.  It's not easy, but I've told her that I don't want to discuss any weight issues with her at all.  Ever.  Not even "Have you lost weight?!" which is her highest compliment.  It's really sad. 

    I'd keep her out of the loop completely when it comes to choosing bridesmaid dresses - just deal with your maids, perhaps offering them the option of choosing their own style.  You don't need the headache and heartache worrying about critical remarks she may make during the process. 
  • edited December 2011
    Do you ever confront your mom on the comments she makes?
  • edited December 2011
    I've confronted her about it before.

    Once I was out to lunch with my mom and a girlfriend of mine a couple years ago.  The waiter came by after we'd finished eating and said "Can I interest you ladies in any dessert this afternoon?"  My mom replies "Oh, heavens no.  I'm too fat for dessert."

    ...REALLY?  After he left I half-way chewed her out because dammit, she's not fat - and she's making herself look like an idiot, not to mention embarrassing the poor young man waiting on us.

    I know her issues certainly weren't helpful at all while my sister was sick with anorexia, either.  When she was recovering she actually gained quite a bit of weight back and was heavier than she was before.  My mom would call me and say things like, "It's probably not a good idea to tell her she shouldn't eat so much, is it?"  No, mother.  It's not a good idea.

    I usually just ignore it and look the other way when she's talking about it but she can say what she wants about herself, really.  But my sisters are all beautiful and healthy.  My ma's got to keep her mouth shut.
    panther
  • edited December 2011
    Yeah I was thinking do you confront her about her affect on her daughters?  IE, is she aware of the messages that she's giving to you?  Not about her, about yourselves.
  • edited December 2011
    Actually... I haven't talked to her about her comments about the girls.  Usually I just kind of go quiet and not say anything, and she keeps talking at an awkward pace until she realizes I have no interest in that subject.

    But you know what?  Definitely next time I'm going to say something.  She's acting like such an asshat.
    panther
  • edited December 2011
    Tell her that she weighs the same as an average high school senior and to shut up.

    Seriously - you need to talk to her about the impact that her comments can make.
    Anniversary
  • edited December 2011
    Many times when we say things, we are repeating voices from our past.  My mother was obsessed with weight.  I grew up feeling judged with every bite I took.  That being said, you had only to meet my grandmother once to figure out where my mom got it  Undecided

    I have worked my entire adult life not to be that person.  But, I have to work at it.  Sometimes you open your mouth and your mother comes out.  I have also confronted my mom about it many times.  It never goes well because she thinks she is fine and I'm just defensive because I don't weigh 120 pounds.

    I would not take her along for the bridesmaid shopping without talking to her about the difference between critisizing a dress and critisizing the body in the dress.  Good luck!
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
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