FMIL driving me nuts already!

Tibrie1018

My FMIL keeps telling everyone our wedding plans before we have anything set in stone! We have asked her to please wait until we have things finalized before she tells anyone, but she keeps doing it! First it was our wedding date, and now it's the wedding and reception site. My FH asked him mom to please stop telling everyone the details because #1 we want to be able to share the news with people, and #2 nothing is set in stone yet..... and she is still doing it! We have actually told her that if she keeps telling everyone things we aren't going to keep including her in the planning, and a day or so later she said to me "Oh I told them the location you guys had picked...even though I wasn't supposed to". She sounded almost like she was proud of herself. This is driving us nuts! We haven't even booked a venue yet and she's telling his family the date and location. I know this sounds silly, but it's almost making me want to look at different locations all together and not tell her anything! Please help, I'm trying not too lose my head about this, but I think I'm slipping!

melissamc2

While I know this "shouldn't" be the deciding factor, it often is - is she/his parents paying?

If she is, then yeah, she's going to be involved and she's going to talk about it and you'll have to decide if her interference is worth saving the money.

If she's not, don't tell her anything that you're not telling everyone else.

trix1223

There's really a very easy solution to this.  Stop telling her details until you're ready to have them made public.  "We're still thinking about our reception venue".  "We haven't hired a dj yet".  "We'll let you know when we've chosen our definite wedding date".

But I think it's unrealistic to expect that once you give her information, she can't share it with her family and friends.  If it's "done deal" type things (date,etc.) what's the downside to her telling someone?  I get when things aren't "set in stone" yet, but I really don't see a big deal to decisions that are made.

AutumnFair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fmil-driving-nuts-already?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ddd037bc-8883-45f3-91a1-667f7a519ad2Post:94ce12b3-59cd-4452-8169-969fc5bc3bab">FMIL driving me nuts already!</a>:
[QUOTE]My FMIL keeps telling everyone our wedding plans before we have anything set in stone! We have asked her to please wait until we have things finalized before she tells anyone, but she keeps doing it! First it was our wedding date, and now it's the wedding and reception site. My FH asked him mom to please stop telling everyone the details because #1 we want to be able to share the news with people, and #2 nothing is set in stone yet..... and she is still doing it! We have actually told her that if she keeps telling everyone things we aren't going to keep including her in the planning, and a day or so later she said to me "Oh I told them the location you guys had picked...even though I wasn't supposed to". She sounded almost like she was proud of herself. This is driving us nuts! We haven't even booked a venue yet and she's telling his family the date and location. I know this sounds silly, but it's almost making me want to look at different locations all together and not tell her anything! Please help, I'm trying not too lose my head about this, but I think I'm slipping!
Posted by Tibrie1018[/QUOTE]

<div>Unless she is paying and you need for her to decide things, stop ALL wedding talk with her. Obviously she is ignoring your wishes for staying quiet about your decisions so the best solution is to avoid all wedding talk. </div>

marissa_claire

Yeah, if she's not paying, then she's not involved in decision making.... so don't share wedding info with her if she can't keep her mouth shut.  And if she pries, have FI be serious and say, "We'd love to tell you but you don't seem to respect our wishes to keep such info private."  

Cynthia1207

I don't see what money has anything to do with this because all the MIL is saying is details concerning what the couple are thinking of doing. She's not implemeting decisions nor making decisions for them.  At least that's the impression I got.

I just think that she's really proud of the fact that her son is getting married and not only that, that he's marrying you.  She seems to love the idea and can't wait to tell people about it and unfortunately can't keep her mouth shut.  Even if she's telling people locations and whatnot, people will find out eventually once they get either their STD or invitation.  No biggie. 

And honestly, most people don't care all that much about what you will be doing for your wedding.  If she comes out as the annoying person who keeps on talking about the wedding well that saves you from being it!

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fmil-driving-nuts-already?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ddd037bc-8883-45f3-91a1-667f7a519ad2Post:5e20d51b-b810-47fc-a09b-28a59e58fc09">Re: FMIL driving me nuts already!</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't see what money has anything to do with this because all the MIL is saying is details concerning what the couple are thinking of doing. She's not implemeting decisions nor making decisions for them.  At least that's the impression I got. I just think that she's really proud of the fact that her son is getting married and not only that, that he's marrying you.  She seems to love the idea and can't wait to tell people about it and unfortunately can't keep her mouth shut.  Even if she's telling people locations and whatnot, people will find out eventually once they get either their STD or invitation.  No biggie.  And honestly, most people don't care all that much about what you will be doing for your wedding.  If she comes out as the annoying person who keeps on talking about the wedding well that saves you from being it!
Posted by Cynthia1207[/QUOTE]
If she's paying, she can't really be locked out of the loop because she does get a certain amount of say in how her money is spent.  If she's not paying, then OP can safely stop discussing details with her.

lalap69

It sounds like she's really excited about your wedding.  I think that's sweet!  But obviously her loose lips are a real problem for you and your FI.  You've threatened to cut her out of the planning if she couldn't stop spilling and she hasn't been able to stop.  So make good on it.  Don't tell her your plans anymore.  If she asks questions say "We want it to be a SURPRISE" and then change the subject. 

zitiqueen

Shut your pie-hole.

Problem solved.

Tibrie1018

This is my first time using a message board, to be honest I wasn't sure if I even posted it right. I am soo happy that I got on here this evening to see so many helpful comments from others who are either going through the planning, or have already done so! I am so happy for your advice!
Honestly his mom is helping pay... but before we accepted any help from her my FI had a talk with her saying this is a one time thing and that we really want to be able to pick out what WE want on our big day. We had planned on doing a wedding somewhere away from everything where it would just be the two of us, but we both decided to plan a more traditional wedding so our families could be present too. It's a super huge deal to his mom that she get to see him get married. I understand, and I support his relationship with her and want to be a close knit kinda family, I do think she will be a great MIL,....she just has a tendency to take over on things. For instance she took one of her sisters out trying cake and shopping for decorations without me!!! And guess what... they brought me bubbles for the guests to blow as we left. Well that would be fine except we are having a late evening wedding and  my FI and I had already decided on using sparklers. Ok I really am going to stop going on... it just helps to vent LOL
I think, after reading all of the great advice, that we will ask for some input from her, but wait on telling her any final plans until WE are telling everyone else.

Kate61487

At least she's not verbally inviting people you had no intention of being on the invite list!  my MIL and grandmother were both guilty of this very early in the wedding planning process - had to put a quick stop to that!