Moms and Maids

personal attendant...

Ok so I feel out of the loop so to speak on personal attendants. The title should be self explanatory to me but, well, it's not :-/ Do I have to have one (is it necessary or a good idea) and what do their duties consist of on the day of the wedding?

Re: personal attendant...

  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Personal assistant = a paid position, not something you foist on a friend as an "honor".  No good or decent person should have one, and most people don't.
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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    It seems like personal attendant comes in two flavors:

    1) The title comes with the responsibility of keeping everything running smoothly.  This is a very arduous and involved position that people rightfully charge a lot of money to do, and prevents someone from participating in the party.  It's not a good thing to do to your friends.

    2) The title comes with no responsibility whatsoever.  The person basically just hangs out.  It's kind of pointless, except to make the bride feel better about excluding someone from the wedding party.

    Not a fan of either flavor.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • jagore08jagore08 member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I could write something but I would just be echoing Brooke and Aerin.
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  • tldhtldh member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_personal-attendant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:df91fb09-401c-4f40-8020-71f7d26bdeb6Post:db147294-ead7-4547-87f3-d7cf85648009">Re: personal attendant...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I could write something but I would just be echoing Brooke and Aerin.
    Posted by jagore08[/QUOTE]

    ditto.
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_personal-attendant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:df91fb09-401c-4f40-8020-71f7d26bdeb6Post:c92b4421-76d0-4fd2-a661-3fb2669dbc7a">Re: personal attendant...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Personal assistant = a paid position, not something you foist on a friend as an "honor".  No good or decent person should have one, and most people don't.
    Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]
    Unless, of course, you really do pay someone... like a professional Day of Co-ordinator, lol. :)
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  • Miss_SophiaMiss_Sophia member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    well thanks for the responses. I honestly didn't know what the 'title' meant. Good to know I didn't bestow that upon someone that I like, cuz they probably wouldn't like me much after that, lol!

    And brooke I realize you were trying to get your point across but you probably could have done so in a less then snarky manner. All I wanted was information.
  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Yea just reread it, I fail to see the snark.  It is a job that people need to be paid to do, few people have a personal attendant, and good people don't foist that sort of job on a friend.  No need to be hyper-sensitive.
    Courtesy of megk8oz
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Where was the snark from brooke? 
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • Miss_SophiaMiss_Sophia member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I do apologize to brooke. Her comment wasn't snarky.... I should drink my coffee before I read posts in the morning. After rereading it myself I feel rather silly. I hope everyone has a Marvelous Monday. 
  • edited December 2011
    I've personally been a "personal attendant" twice before.  I called myself a "day of coordinator" (sounds better than personal attendant).

    I loved doing it, even though I couldn't be a part of the wedding party I still had a special part in the day.  I was given a nice gift and spent more time with the bride than even her bridesmaids.

    It didn't take away from my experience at all but added to it IMO.  None of the brides treated me as a maid or took advantage of me. 

    Things I helped with:
    Got ready with the rest of the ladies day of
    Bustle the Brides dress as she's waiting to walk down the aisle (while bridesmaids are walking)
    Open the "door" for the bride to be seen for the first time (I got to be with her in the final moments before she walked down the aisle and saw her groom for the first time)
    Make sure that everyone was in the church when the Bride arrived so they wouldn't see her
    Placed the wedding party in order for the grand entrance to the reception
    Helped the bride change into her second dress
    Did a few other things as well but never helped her pee (she has bridesmaids for that!)

    The Brides appreciated me so much and they were so greatful.  I enjoyed doing it and it didn't affect my dancing or spending time with my friends at all.  In fact they kept telling everyone how much of a great friend and help I was when we ran into people.

    It would depend on the person and how you treat them.  If you treat it as a job and demand they help you then yeah not a good idea.  Maybe one of your friends will volunteer or step up day of (I was just invited to get ready with the bride and the maids and just took over the role).  I've already had many people offer to be my "coordinator". 




  • panda10panda10 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ouch! I asked my sister (Who is 10 years older than me, pregnant and didn't want to be a bridesmaid) to be my personal attendant. I think it's a special way to include her without putting her in a bridesmaids dress. She's going to go out with us and she gets a corsage to wear. She's pretty honored.
    I don't see why it's a rude title or disrespectful to ask someone.

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  • rbtrumpetrbtrumpet member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I can understand why some people would find it rude to ask/have....but I agree w/ super, it does depend on the person.

    I am having one.  I have a friend I am not super close with (wouldn't have asked her to be in the WP or anything special) - she is just very organized and loves weddings.  When I got engaged she volunteered to help me with whatever I needed.  I was part of her "reception set-up crew" for her wedding last year.

    I did not "bestow" this on her as an "honor" - I asked her as a friend, and someone who is super organized if she was willing to be my personal attendant/Day-of-coordinator/gopher (and yes, that is how I phrased it).  I don't think I am asking her to do a lot - as I am also very organized, and my MOH is super-organized too (also, it is MOH's 9th wedding as a BM - and her and I have been BMs in two wedding together before - so we both know the "ins and outs" of weddings).  I just want someone available to help with little details that the bride/BMs miss.  I am not paying her, but she and her husband are invited to the rehearsal dinner, and I will get her a nice thank-you gift.  She is also not helping plan showers/any other pre-wedding activity.
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    You know~it's a funny thing.  I can live with asking someone to be their "day of coordinator".  I think it's the title Personal Attendant that so rankles me.

    It brings to mind Paris Hilton or some other person famous for being famous with a toady following obsequiously behind them.

    Yeah-it's the term I detest.  Not the job.  Although I do think anyone doing that job should probably be paid.  At the very least given a very, very lovely thank you gift.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I just don't think it's something you should ask someone to do.  I volunteered to be a friend's DOC, and I was totally okay with it.  It was very hard, grueling work, but I wasn't going to be a guest anyway and she really needed the help. 

    It's when the bride says, "I didn't want any more bridesmaids, so you can work your ass off all day instead!" that it's totally inappropriate.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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