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brides maids

knight31014knight31014
in Moms and Maids
ok so the biggest thing i am wondering at this stage is 1) how do i choose my maid of honor? I feel obligated to choose my sister but i know she doesn't get into the whole helping and doing. 2) do bridesmaids and groomsmen need to be in a specific order (ex. hieght)
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Re: brides maids

  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_brides-maids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:e0e896f3-20a0-4df0-bd65-14b5fb11ba36Post:1c77ad53-cfda-416e-8223-5e545d606818">brides maids</a>:
    [QUOTE]ok so the biggest thing i am wondering at this stage is 1) how do i choose my maid of honor? I feel obligated to choose my sister but i know she doesn't get into the whole helping and doing. 2) do bridesmaids and groomsmen need to be in a specific order (ex. hieght)
    Posted by knight31014[/QUOTE]
    Taking your questions in order:<div>
    </div><div>1.  Pick the person you want standing with you without regard to whether she can or will help plan.  Picking based on that is guaranteed to set you up for disappointment and, frankly, isn't the MOH's job.  It's your and your FI's wedding, that makes it yours and your FI's to plan.</div><div>
    </div><div>2.  No, they can go in any order.  Our WP figured out their order among themselves five minutes before the ceremony started.</div>
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  • orangecrush32orangecrush32 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Pick who you want standing next to you, not someone who would do the most stuff or be able to throw you the best party. And put your WP in whatever order you want. Hell, let them choose. It doesn't really matter the order so long as they're all up there.

    EDIT: And don't pick you WP yet. You're not getting married until October 2012. You really shouldn't pick anyone until 2012 gets here.
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  • jagore08jagore08 member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Picking someone based on who will help you most is not the way to go.  You should pick your nearest and dearest.  If they all mean so much to you that you just can't decide then don't have a MOH at all.  It's perfectly acceptable to have all BM.  If anyone (WP or not) offers to help in any aspect of your wedding then that's awesome.  If no one offers their help then don't ask anyone to do anything for your wedding.  It's rude to assume just because you asked someone to be in your WP that they will help you plan anything.

    The bridal party can line up however you'd like.  It doesn't need to be in height order (and no, it won't look bad in pictures if they're not lined up that way).
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  • lilcasserslilcassers member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    MOH is someone you love dearest, not someone who does stuff for you. The MOH and bridesmaids are not obligated to help out with anything for your wedding. All they do is attend pre-wedding parties (if they can) and are there for you on your big day.

    I am arranging my bridesmaids based on how close they are to me. It will be my 2 MOH, and 7 bridesmaids following. I am putting my fiances 3 sisters at the end because my friends come first to me. I decided on my 2 MOH order based on height. I put my one MOH first because she is tall and so is the one Best Man. I just figure I will have the other MOH who is second, hold the ring.
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_brides-maids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:e0e896f3-20a0-4df0-bd65-14b5fb11ba36Post:cb68644f-4ebb-4acc-945c-e3c5d6d7e3f0">Re: brides maids</a>:
    [QUOTE]MOH is someone you love dearest, not someone who does stuff for you. The MOH and bridesmaids are not obligated to help out with anything for your wedding. All they do is attend pre-wedding parties (if they can) and are there for you on your big day. I <strong>am arranging my bridesmaids based on how close they are to me. It will be my 2 MOH, and 7 bridesmaids following. I am putting my fiances 3 sisters at the end because my friends come first to me.</strong> I decided on my 2 MOH order based on height. I put my one MOH first because she is tall and so is the one Best Man. I just figure I will have the other MOH who is second, hold the ring.
    Posted by lilcassers[/QUOTE]
    That's a recipe for disaster--it comes across as a friendship ranking system.  Pick something arbitrary.  I've been "ranked" as a BM due to how the bride felt about my friendship and it sucked.
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  • lilcasserslilcassers member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    bablingbrooke... it's not like they know that, that is why I arranged them that way. How else do you arrange? I am not being sarcastic... I really am wondering. I just think of the girls who i love the best and they stand closes to me. That is how all of my friends did it, too. They had their sisters first and then arranged friends on how close they were.
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_brides-maids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:e0e896f3-20a0-4df0-bd65-14b5fb11ba36Post:d5431d49-ba48-4038-9eea-2030f137b45f">Re: brides maids</a>:
    [QUOTE]bablingbrooke... it's not like they know that, that is why I arranged them that way. How else do you arrange? I am not being sarcastic... I really am wondering. I just think of the girls who i love the best and they stand closes to me. That is how all of my friends did it, too. They had their sisters first and then arranged friends on how close they were.
    Posted by lilcassers[/QUOTE]
    Height, age, birthday, alphabetical order...possibilities are endless and don't involve commentary on how you view them and their relationship.  If you put all your FSILs at the end of the line behind sisters and friends they're going to think something's up.  Just because others did it doesn't mean you should do it.  My WP lined themselves up just as they were about to walk down the aisle.  
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  • lilcasserslilcassers member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Oh gotcha. I am having a program and I am a little OCD so I would freak out having them decide right before, lol.

    My FI sisters know they aren't as close to me. That is how it is. Plus, I want them all to sit together at the table for the reception so it makes sense to me that they are at the end. All my friends are friends, so I want them all together.

    I understand what you mean though. My 4 closest friends for sure need to be closest to me. I won't change that. But perhaps I can randomize his sisters and the 2 others friends and then at the hall, they can just sit how they want!
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  • hlq2011hlq2011
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Don't say you're OCD; it's not well-received around here.  That's a real medical condition, and not something to make light of.

    In the program I believe I'm listing my girls by alphabetical order.  FI's one sister is married, and his other is not, so they are not next to each other in the program.  Day-of, I think I'm doing it by height but who knows.  We're trying to have the girls and guys walk out of the ceremony and into the reception with people they know where possible (not that it matters, but for comfort's sake).

    Ceremony order should have nothing to do with what tables they sit at.  Assign everyone to specific tables at the reception, and then let them choose their own seats.
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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_brides-maids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:e0e896f3-20a0-4df0-bd65-14b5fb11ba36Post:77808c37-9ef1-4d18-a3a0-a94efdb1b71c">Re: brides maids</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh gotcha. I am having a program and I am a little OCD so I would freak out having them decide right before, lol. My FI sisters know they aren't as close to me. That is how it is. Plus, I want them all to sit together at the table for the reception so it makes sense to me that they are at the end. All my friends are friends, so I want them all together. I understand what you mean though. My 4 closest friends for sure need to be closest to me. I won't change that. But perhaps I can randomize his sisters and the 2 others friends and then at the hall, they can just sit how they want!
    Posted by lilcassers[/QUOTE]
    Ours were sort of arranged by relationship, but not in a ranked sort of way.  The attendants just paired up nicely, so the groupings in the processional were:

    The gender-swapped (bridesman and groomswoman)
    The siblings (my two sisters and his brother)
    The skippers (2 BMs and 1 GM)
    MOH and best man

    We had the siblings on the far end because my sister was the only one of the girls to choose a long dress.  I explicitly told her not to get butthurt if I stuck her on the end, because it was just for visual balance.

    Also, you can't be a little OCD anymore than you can be a little autism.  The term you're looking for is "anal-rententive."  And the order they're in at the altar really doesn't have anything to do with the order they're in at the table, especially since they should be seated with their dates for dinner.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_brides-maids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:e0e896f3-20a0-4df0-bd65-14b5fb11ba36Post:77808c37-9ef1-4d18-a3a0-a94efdb1b71c">Re: brides maids</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh gotcha. I am having a program and I am a little OCD so I would freak out having them decide right before, lol. My FI sisters know they aren't as close to me. That is how it is. Plus, I want them all to sit together at the table for the reception so it makes sense to me that they are at the end. All my friends are friends, so I want them all together. I understand what you mean though. My 4 closest friends for sure need to be closest to me. I won't change that. But perhaps I can randomize his sisters and the 2 others friends and then at the hall, they can just sit how they want!
    Posted by lilcassers[/QUOTE]
    Here are a couple thoughts to make you feel a little better:<div>
    </div><div>1.  No one really reads the programs and 90% of your guests will toss them on the way out anyway, so don't plan things now just because "they'll be in the programs."  Plus, unless they know the principals personally, they don't need to match up names with faces, and they have no way of knowing if the names are correct.</div><div>
    </div><div>2.  I think letting them sit wherever they want is a brilliant idea.</div><div>
    </div><div>3.  You cannot "be a little OCD."  My MIL actually has OCD and doesn't leave the house most days because of it--it's an actual, factual medical condition.  Being particular is not the same thing, so don't minimize the actual condition.  </div>
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  • lilcasserslilcassers member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am a social worker I know about OCD. You can be borderline OCD.

    I guess a better word to use is that I am very picky, particular, organized, and precise.

    I will still do a program but I am not going to make it until a month before the wedding. I always save programs and I know many family membes who will do the same. I also always wonder who the wedding party is that stands up when I go to weddings, which is why I  like to have a program.
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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    You cannot "be" OCD at all.  It's a noun, not an adjective.  You can "have" OCD, and if you've been diagnosed with it, you'd probably be using the proper terminology.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    True, but my point is that they aren't going to re-read the program in any sort of great detail, and if the names and faces are in a different order, so what?  For example, you could list the WP in alphabetical order in the program, then have them walk in in an entirely different order.  If you don't already know the WP by name, how would you know?  Would you even care?  That's all I'm saying.  This is a 'work it out at the rehearsal' kind of issue, so I recommend doing so and not making it into a bigger deal than it needs to be.
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_brides-maids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:e0e896f3-20a0-4df0-bd65-14b5fb11ba36Post:756e45fd-f9be-4fee-be79-76df87c10ac4">Re: brides maids</a>:
    [QUOTE]True, but my point is that they aren't going to re-read the program in any sort of great detail, and if the names and faces are in a different order, so what? <strong> For example, you could list the WP in alphabetical order in the program, then have them walk in in an entirely different order. </strong> If you don't already know the WP by name, how would you know?  Would you even care?  That's all I'm saying.  This is a 'work it out at the rehearsal' kind of issue, so I recommend doing so and not making it into a bigger deal than it needs to be.
    Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]
    That's exactly what we did.  That way I could print out the programs a few days before the wedding, but not determine walking order until a few hours before.  Really, 99.5% of the population really doesn't care about this, and if the remaining .5% are so very curious, they can walk up to the mystery BM and introduce themselves at the reception. 
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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  • lilcasserslilcassers member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    lol I know erin. This is a wedsite I don't have to go into doctor mode and type all perfectly proper.
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_brides-maids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:e0e896f3-20a0-4df0-bd65-14b5fb11ba36Post:a8619e3f-3797-44eb-9a68-f3e66ead9bac">Re: brides maids</a>:
    [QUOTE]lol I know erin. This is a wedsite I don't have to go into doctor mode and type all perfectly proper.
    Posted by lilcassers[/QUOTE]
    I hate to be a nazi about this, but honestly, since the written word is the ONLY way you can communicate online, and clarity, grammar, and spelling exist to facilitate such communication, it actually matters MORE on a website.  Otherwise how can you expect people to understand what you're trying to say?  Using proper English is for everyday use, not just special occasions.  Not doing it doesn't make you casual or fun or flirty, it leads to misunderstandings and makes it harder for people to understand you.
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  • hlq2011hlq2011
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_brides-maids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:e0e896f3-20a0-4df0-bd65-14b5fb11ba36Post:a8619e3f-3797-44eb-9a68-f3e66ead9bac">Re: brides maids</a>:
    [QUOTE]lol I know erin. This is a wedsite I don't have to go into doctor mode and type all perfectly proper.
    Posted by lilcassers[/QUOTE]

    No, you don't HAVE to.  But if you aren't willing to type properly, then don't be surprised if people aren't willing to help you.  Or if they take you to task over your poor communication, or don't take you seriously.
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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    If you know, then why didn't you say it right in the first place?  And somehow I doubt that if you've actually been diagnosed as borderline, you'd be so flippant about it.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_brides-maids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:e0e896f3-20a0-4df0-bd65-14b5fb11ba36Post:cb68644f-4ebb-4acc-945c-e3c5d6d7e3f0">Re: brides maids</a>:
    [QUOTE]MOH is someone you love dearest, not someone who does stuff for you. The MOH and bridesmaids are not obligated to help out with anything for your wedding. All they do is attend pre-wedding parties (if they can) and are there for you on your big day. I am arranging my bridesmaids based on how close they are to me. It will be my 2 MOH, and 7 bridesmaids following. I am putting my fiances 3 sisters at the end because my friends come first to me. I decided on my 2 MOH order based on height. I put my one MOH first because she is tall and so is the one Best Man. I just figure I will have the other MOH who is second, hold the ring.
    Posted by lilcassers[/QUOTE]

    Sorry, but this has potential to be a terrible idea.  My youngest DD was recently in a wedding, and that's exactly what the bride did.  She arranged them by who she was "closest" to. 

    That little piece of info slipped out, and as you can well imagine, hearing "I want you to stand there, because of everyone up here, I like you two the least" was very, very hurtful and there were ramifications beyond the wedding day.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • lalap69lalap69 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_brides-maids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:e0e896f3-20a0-4df0-bd65-14b5fb11ba36Post:1c77ad53-cfda-416e-8223-5e545d606818">brides maids</a>:
    [QUOTE]ok so the biggest thing i am wondering at this stage is 1) how do i choose my maid of honor? I feel obligated to choose my sister but i know she doesn't get into the whole helping and doing. 2) do bridesmaids and groomsmen need to be in a specific order (ex. hieght)
    Posted by knight31014[/QUOTE]
    Choose the person you are closest to.  It should not be based on who will help you the most, and if you do make that your determing factor, you're setting yourself up for a big disappointment.  If you're closest to your sister, ask her.
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  • TheKnittingJediTheKnittingJedi member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Just one more reason why I'm really glad I have just two bridesmaids.
    "Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love." - Albert Einstein
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  • pretzelgrrlpretzelgrrl member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I had trouble choosing my maid of honor because I am equally close to all four of my bridemaids in different ways and couldn't decide who I hold the deares so tmy mom helped me by asking a couple of questions...Who have you known the longest?  and Who do you hang out/see the most?...for me it was the same person so that is how I made my decision.  
      I admit i have not even thought about ordering except obviously MOH and BM will be closest...after that like many people say I don't think it really matters...I might do height since then I can pair up the shortest GM with the shortest BM so my equally petite friends won't look like munchkins :)
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