When I was 18 years old...

calindi

I had a boyfriend who I thought I was going to spend my life with.  It didn't work out, and I'm really glad (though the breakup nearly destroyed me) because he was not right for me at all.

Anyway, all this talk of "When I was 18, I was in love and thought it was forever, and BOY am I glad I didn't marry him!" made me curious....


EDIT: It doesn't count if you're voting at age 18-20 years old.  Anyone over age 23 or so who says they're still with their boyfriend from that age should post below so we can gather advice from people who have actually been through it - whether you changed as people, the challenges of being a young couple, if you recommend getting married or waiting, etc.

purplepeopleeater11

Good poll Cate...I like it.

NatandIsaac

I started dating the love of my life when I was 16, and we are getting married in June. Of course I will be 26 by then. We have many happy years together, but we just because we were in love didn't mean we wanted to rush into marriage. We took time to finish high school, college, and law school for me, and to buy a house. 

We are really excited to get married in June, and we are both really proud of what we have accomplished while we were waiting.

marissa_claire

Didn't have my option... YES and I'm glad we broke up because he ended up being a total loser.  Like got into drug problems and didn't even graduate community college.  

calindi

Marissa - though it's slightly differently worded, I think the "I'm SO GLAD we didn't get married!" option would suit you!

And Nat, congratulations!  You're someone who these 18 year olds might actually listen to... or not.  But the voice of experience and reason is a good thing!

tldh

Yep.  I thought for sure I'd be a reporter for either the Cincinnati Enquirer or one of the news stations.  I thought I'd be married to my college BF (whom I also knew in high school) and living not too far from the rest of my family (I grew up down the street from my grandparents and a street over from my aunt.) 

Never in a million years did I dream that I'd be so disgusted with what I saw inside the news station I worked at when I was 23 and 24 that I'd go to law school at the other end of the state.  Never dreamed that I'd use a passport.  Never dreamed that I'd start all over again on the east coast.  Only in the wildest dreams did I dream that I'd marry a man who spoils me absolutely rotten and who can make me laugh, feel safe and secure, and who I know will always have my back or be there with a shoulder to cry on.  I didn't meet him until I was 27.

Manwaithiel

I started dating FI at 19 and we're getting married in December. I'm 21 now. Honestly, I don't have any doubts about what we're doing. No parents have protested either.

Manwaithiel

Oh my god, my text has developed the centering bug...

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_18-years-old?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:e2dbd349-49f0-43a8-8567-a9b3fe212361Post:65830bde-b4bf-4508-b7e1-da85d22332c3">Re: When I was 18 years old...</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh my god, my text has developed the centering bug...
Posted by Manwaithiel[/QUOTE]

Mine too. 

calindi

Nobody sees the centered text except the person whose text it is.  No worries! 

purplepeopleeater11

BF I was with when I was younger was older than me.  He joined the Peace Corps after graduation.  We were sure it'd be forever.  I saved for a whole year to visit him in a third world country over Christmas.  It cost me $3000.00 and a 17 hour flight for him to tell me he fell in love with a native and wanted me to leave the country, two days after I got there.  Did I have ANY clue he'd do that...nope.  Am I POed that it was a costly lesson?  Oh heck yes.  Am I glad I learned who he really was, or who he had become before it was too late?  Most definitely.

LiaAli

My fiance and I have been together since I was 17 years old and he was 16. We are getting married in October and we will be together 9 years at that point. But I can honestly say that we have both changed as people since we were 18 and have been through many ups and downs. Some people grow up and grow apart and some people grow up and grow together...it all depends. But if we got married back when we were 18, we would either be divorced or miserable!

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_18-years-old?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:e2dbd349-49f0-43a8-8567-a9b3fe212361Post:3582f5f1-e8c8-44f5-bc15-87f141786de0">Re: When I was 18 years old...</a>:
[QUOTE]Nobody sees the centered text except the person whose text it is.  No worries! 
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

Oh good =)

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_18-years-old?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:e2dbd349-49f0-43a8-8567-a9b3fe212361Post:bd472caa-c4f6-444d-ab68-eb47e0489ae2">Re: When I was 18 years old...</a>:
[QUOTE]BF I was with when I was younger was older than me.  He joined the Peace Corps after graduation.  We were sure it'd be forever.  I saved for a whole year to visit him in a third world country over Christmas.  It cost me $3000.00 and a 17 hour flight for him to tell me he fell in love with a native and wanted me to leave the country, two days after I got there.  Did I have ANY clue he'd do that...nope.  Am I POed that it was a costly lesson?  Oh heck yes.  Am I glad I learned who he really was, or who he had become before it was too late?  Most definitely.
Posted by purplepeopleeater11[/QUOTE]

Damn.  Is he still alive or are you wanted in another country?

gottahavashorti

DH and I have been together since HS.  I remember thinking early on that he was pretty darn awesome, but that it probably wouldn't last all that long since we were just youngins and I was pretty realistic - I was never one of those "OMG gotta and gottaDH together 4eva" types.

We accidentally went to college together.  I'm a year older and decided that I wanted to stay within 2-2.5 hr from home for school.  He decided that he also wanted to stay within a couple hours of home or my school for college.  Other than our major state school, which was too big for him, there were only a couple schools that had the major he wanted - pretty much all of which were within a few miles of my school. 

He ended up going to a college a couple hours from mine whose program for his major was 'in affiliation with' my undergrad.  We found out when he got to college that all of his courses for his major, both in his major and other related courses, were at my school.  There were semesters where he took 0-2 classes at his college and the rest at mine.

Our relationship changed a lot during college, and at some point while we were studying abroad at age 20-21 and had gone broke but were still absolutely happy with each other, we both knew that we wanted to get married.  We held off on getting engaged until my senior year, did long distance for 2 years while I went to grad school and he finished up undergrad, and then got married.

A lot of people in our hometown and from DH's college marry on the younger side - mostly straight out of college, or younger if they don't finish college.  And especially at DH's school, it's often marriages between people who haven't been dating for very long (married within a year or 1.5 yr of starting to date, which seems too soon to us to know someone well enough to marry them when they're only 22).

I was not willing to get married before we both had degrees and had we gotten married at 18 or even in college, or not been together for so long, I really doubt things would have worked out.  Our relationship changed and matured from high school to the first couple years of college, and getting married during college would have been very difficult.  If you know it's right, your best friend will still be there in a few years once you're both ready for marriage and don't just think you are.

Edit: I'm sorry, I just wrote a novel 

pegasuskat

I did get married at 18, and am still married to my H, I am 44 now.  Of course we have had ups and downs, but honestly all marriages do if the couple is honest about it.  I am happy now and don't regret it a bit. Is it right for everybody though?   Absolutely NOT!

purplepeopleeater11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_18-years-old?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:e2dbd349-49f0-43a8-8567-a9b3fe212361Post:6c2babe8-b9f5-4f30-969a-6e89a20648e5">Re: When I was 18 years old...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: When I was 18 years old... : Damn.  Is he still alive or are you wanted in another country?
Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]

Hahaha, he's still alive.  He refuses to come back to the states though.  He and I both worked for a police department at the time and he knows a lot of guys who liked me have guns and are not happy with him.  Last I heard he extended his tour to another country.

I on the other hand, have found a man that treats me in every way I deserve and I love more than I thought possible.  So, while that was one of the worst times of my life, I'm thankful it happened.  If it hadn't I could have married that P.O.S and be working through a divorce.

naomikb

Hm. Interesting poll.  I met my fiance when I was 17, but we were just friends then and didn't start dating until I was 18 (he was 25 then).  We've been together ever since.  I am 25 (he is now 32) and we are getting married next August.  Couldn't be happier.  We started off as a "fling" that I thought wouldn't last the summer, and when I went to university in the fall I realized that I really wanted him in my life and he was more important to me than I had realized.  We moved in together about 2.5 years ago. 

The age difference seemed like such a big deal 7 years ago when we started dating, I remember being scared to tell my mom we were together.  But now I don't ever even think about it. 

azdancer8

Oh, BOY, am I glad my BF at 18 and I didn't work out. He cheated on me (I found out after the fact), got married to someone else a few years later, and got divorced shortly afterward. I, on the other hand, spent the next nine years going to college, developing a career, and living life on my own - figuring out who I was. I'm VERY different from the naive, sheltered person I was back then. And FI is the perfect match for who I am now, and we're so excited to continue to grow together.

calindi

I met Carl (name changed) the first day of freshman year of college.  We were in the same Spanish class, and he happened to have gone to my rival high school.  We fell hard and fast, and were each other's "first" for everything.  I truly believed he was my soul mate, that we'd finish college and live together for a year and then get married. 

Yeah, there were basic compatibility issues (I wanted to travel the world, he wanted to move back home next door to his parents... I was ambitious and career-driven, he was a dreamer and philosopher... I was athiest, he was very involved in his church, etc.)  But I thought we could get through anything together since we loved each other so much.

Turns out, he fell out of love with me.  He had sampled the forbidden fruit and wanted to go out and sample it with many other girls.  He was a nice guy who didn't want to hurt me, so he didn't break up with me - he basically just became extremely distant until I broke up with him.  The conversation was basically, "It's over, isn't it?" and he just said, "Yup."  Very anticlimactic! 

Anyway, I was devastated and couldn't imagine my life without him.  Age and time have made me realize how wrong we were for each other, that the things I thought love would solve would have been problems throughout our relationship.  It would have been a horrible marriage.  I learned who I was more thoroughly and became confident in being by myself.  I learned who I am, what I want, and what I'm not willing to compromise on.  The man I met years later is so much better for me, he's an amazing man who gives so much to the relationship, whose goals and values line up very closely with mine, and our love is strengthened by our experience, compatibility and maturity.

MLekathLEEN

I don't have an option. I'm more of a "yes and were still together but I'm so glad we waited otherwise I don't know if we would have made it" option.

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_18-years-old?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:e2dbd349-49f0-43a8-8567-a9b3fe212361Post:e3ed1e71-dc85-48f7-8045-f8b1b228cb50">Re: When I was 18 years old...</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't have an option. I'm more of a "yes and were still together but I'm so glad we waited otherwise I don't know if we would have made it" option.
Posted by MLekathLEEN[/QUOTE]

That's sort of what I meant by the "Yes, and we're planning to get married and very happy!"  I didn't expect 18 year olds to answer that... no sh*t they're planning to get married to the guy they dated at 18... they're STILL 18!  I meant people who had made it until they were older before getting married.

jenmitens

Yes and No...
No:  I dated a guy when I was 17-18.  Thought he was it for me.  First love and all.  Basically, I was stupid and blind.  He was crazy and abusive.  We talked about getting married.  I can't even imagine how big of a bullet I dodged by ending it with him. 
Yes:  A few months later (then 19), I met my now husband.  Dated for 7 years, then got married.  He's literally the best person I know.

PolackMcGee

*For the record, FH is 27, I'm two months away from my 27th birthday, and we're getting married next November.*

I was a month shy of my 17th birthday when I met FH. I honestly didn't think it was going to last. I was a HS Junior and he was a Senior, so even though I loved him I prepared myself for his eventual college departure by trying to break up with him. He resisted the idea, and eventually convinced me that we could handle the trials of a long distance relationship. The whole college thing is a long story, but after a year of doing the LDR thing (me stateside, he in Europe) we ended up at the same school, living in a run-down, shoebox-sized off campus apartment together. Best 4 years of my life (so far).

As for marriage, I would STRONGLY suggest waiting until you're older and financially stable just because I'm a "better safe than sorry" sort of person, but I can't really relate to the desire to get married omgrightnow! I literally never considered marriage until the day he "proposed" to me this past summer. FH had always been against the idea of marriage due to the shocking number of divorces in his family, neither of us want kids, and I've never been in any hurry to deal with all of the stress and embarrassment of a wedding (and I'm still not!!!), so the idea of being someone's life partner rather than husband/wife seemed pretty appealing to both of us. But, when he basically sat me down and told me that if I wanted to get married, he would marry me and he wasn't worried about divorce any more, I couldn't help but think about hospital visitation, power of attorney, employment benefits, etc...no amount of love and life-long commitment can create legal security.

Have I/we changed over the last 10 years? I'm sure we have, but it's a hard thing for me to put my finger on. My interests have waxed/waned, but I'd have a hard time claiming to be a totally different person. I guess for the most part, we both just more mature, more boring versions of our teenage selves

lolomilly

I was with my high school sweetheart for about 2 years.  Three weeks into college (we were at different schools 6 hours away), we sobbed for 4 hours on the phone - would have gone longer, but my battery died - as we decided to break up.  Not even two months later, I found out he was having sex with one of the girls he met at school.  We had never had sex - though we had contemplated losing our virginities to each other that summer, he thought it was best to wait.

We are actually engaged now...
to different people. He is engaged to that girl, and I am engaged to a wonderful, loving, passionate, goofy war veteran Texan, whom I feel so much deeply for than I ever felt for my high school sweetie.  If you told me things would be this way 6 years ago, I would have laughed, because - of course- I knew everything at that point.   But really, we are so much different now than we were then.  And come to think of it, we weren't even that great for each other then.  I was religious, he was atheist.  I was a social butterfly, he hated most people.  But we got along and loved each other because it was high school and we didn't know any better.  I do talk to him occasionally, and I wish him the best, but I am so, SO glad that we went our separate ways when we did.  I wouldn't have enjoyed college had I spent more of it with him.  I actually spent most of college single and it was GREAT!

Habs2Hart

The guy I dated in Highschool I was in love with.  First love and all that.  He cheated on me.  A number of times.  It took me a few more tries with a few more mr. wrongs to find mr right when I was 25. 

PaigeMcC

When I was 18 I had been with a boy for 3 years.  He told me we should get married.  I told him I was going to university in a different province and we should break up.  Basically : I"m just not that into you.

Now at 20...WOAH NELLY! New guy.  Seemed great. We talked kids, houses, money, everything.  We were so in LURVE.  Then he went to Calgary for vacation and cheated on me.  I was devastated.  When he came back his car had been egged.  Weird coincidence, eh?

Habs2Hart

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_18-years-old?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:e2dbd349-49f0-43a8-8567-a9b3fe212361Post:1e36e75a-3c3a-4424-893f-542133de0dae">Re: When I was 18 years old...</a>:
[QUOTE]  When he came back his car had been egged.  Weird coincidence, eh?
Posted by PaigeMcC[/QUOTE]

You owe me a new keyboard!  lol

Cynthia1207

Ya the guy I was with at 18....At the time I think I was sure we'd be together forever.  After 1year and a half of being with him, I realized he was just too plain boring and immature. I was in school, he wasn't.  It was just different.  SO glad I didn't make any major decisions at that age!

PaigeMcC

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_18-years-old?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:e2dbd349-49f0-43a8-8567-a9b3fe212361Post:a1c4a303-00cf-45ab-858e-1467132450e5">Re: When I was 18 years old...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: When I was 18 years old... : You owe me a new keyboard!  lol
Posted by Habs2Hart[/QUOTE]

<div><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" /> </div>

ichellemay1

I thought I'd marry the guy I was with at 18 - high-school sweethearts, etc.  We broke up early in college but were still off and on for a couple of years.  He's been married twice - both times he got married to spite his family (they are a whole 'nother story of BSC).  He also cheated on every girl he'd been with from me (he denied it, but someone else told me) all the way up to his current wife.  Have said for years I dodged a bullet.