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Mom is out of state

sylvielicioussylvielicious member
10 Comments
in Moms and Maids
Hi everyone,

I am planning my wedding here in Minnesota, and my mom lives in Florida.  My FH's parents also live out of state (Texas) so I can't have my FMIL help me out either. (Though she said she is going to visit next summer for a couple of weeks to help me with whatever I need.)  I am feeling very mom hungry.  My mom doesn't seem any more excited about the wedding than she would be for going out to dinner.  I really want her to be excited.  She doesn't seem to have much interest in coming out to help me or visit me before the wedding (Oct 2011).  I've ordered my dress and it comes in January, so I want her to see it, and I am also feeling sad about her missing my bridal shower.  I'm not really sure what else I want from her.  She fully supports our marriage and is very happy for us, I guess this is just a time when I need her and I feel like she's not as enthusiastic about it as I am.  I am thinking about asking her to come visit about a month before the wedding so I could have my MOH plan for it that weekend, and I could bring her with me to a dress fitting.  What else will I want/need her around for to justify asking her to make an extra trip to MN?

Also, she and I are very close so this isn't a matter of us being distant with each other.

Thanks!
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Re: Mom is out of state

  • frenchy730frenchy730 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Maybe your mom is just having a tough time dealing with the fact that she physilly can't help you with wedding planning because of the distance, so the best way for her to deal with it is to not allow herself to get excited or talk about it.  I would talk to her and find out if she would like to help with anything.  There are a few things that she can do even though she's not with you, like browsing invitation sites and sending you links for ones you might like, etc.

    You could take a laptop and web-chat her in for your dress fitting.

    you could visit her and take some wedding stuff with you...
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  • eshaufleeshaufle
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Is it a money issue?  I know flight prices have been ridiculous on some routes so that might be contributing to this and she doesn't want to let you down.  If you can afford it, why don't you try and fly her up as a surprise.  You can say it's a "girls weekend" and try and plan some other non-wedding related stuff besides the dress fitting.  Who knows, once she sees you in your gown she'll get a reality check and get all wedding excited!!!  Sometimes it just hasn't quite hit moms yet emotionally that their daughter is getting married.
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  • sylvielicioussylvielicious member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It's not a money issue either, my stepdad travels for work every week so has plenty of frequent flier miles to go around.  I usually go visit them at least 3 times a year for free, and he still has plenty to spare.
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  • bellaxanthebellaxanthe member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011

    I felt the same way with mine at first. I asked my sister what was going on. Low and behold a week later the phone conversations started and much more interest was shown on her part. I think it took an outsider saying it to her. I'm sure I eventually would have said something. It can never hurt to be honest.  My mom felt pretty far from the decisions, like she couldn't really have any input since she wasn't here. But we keep in touch via email and talk more often on the phone. I'm sure yours will come around too. Tell her you really want her to be there for a dress fitting or your shower and why. Ask her to be in charge of a certain aspect - like collecting cake photos for you, or helping you find jewelry online. If she still doesn't respond, I guess you just have to accept it.  Her loss that she doesn't get to do the fun stuff.

    photo c603d655-594e-44b6-a311-72f04e7a561b_zpscca2447c.jpg My Little Sweetheart Follow Me on Pinterest
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  • tlbattagliatlbattaglia member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    My mom lives out of state also.  And I really thought she would be SO excited about wedding planning.  Apparenly I was wrong.  I have had a tough time dealing with her lack of excitement.  So, I decided to just do things on my own.  Example: I'm going to look at dresses tomorrow.  She wants me to wait till I go see her in Nashville (I live in Minnesota).  My wedding is in May, and I cannot wait that long.  So, a bridesmaid is coming with me.   

    I guess I can just say I understand your frustrations.  My advice: allow people to help you with decisions and such who are here and who are excited. 
    Anniversary
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