Need Ideas for Non-Maid Friend

SamKins811

When we began planning our wedding, we had 5 bridesmaids and 5 groomsmen which I was perfectly happy with. However, after asking all of them and thinking everything was settled, my fiance decided he had left someone out that he really wanted to include. I had two very important girls to choose between for my sixth bridesmaid and although I'm happy with my choice, I'm trying to come up with an important role for my seventh girl to play. I've heard of people incorporating female ushers, and I know she could be the guestbook attendant or something, but I just really want to make sure she feels special and important on our big day. Does anyone have any creative ideas to make her feel included? Thanks in advance for your help!
Sam~

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_need-ideas-non-maid-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:f1daac22-4b43-4a03-8cab-f09f635955e4Post:522ce6b0-3c74-4487-8a85-e73777e6fc34">Need Ideas for Non-Maid Friend</a>:
[QUOTE]When we began planning our wedding, we had 5 bridesmaids and 5 groomsmen which I was perfectly happy with. However, after asking all of them and thinking everything was settled, my fiance decided he had left someone out that he really wanted to include. I had two very important girls to choose between for my sixth bridesmaid and although I'm happy with my choice, I'm trying to come up with an important role for my seventh girl to play. I've heard of people incorporating female ushers, and I know she could be the guestbook attendant or something, but I just really want to make sure she feels special and important on our big day. Does anyone have any creative ideas to make her feel included? Thanks in advance for your help! Sam~
Posted by SamKins811[/QUOTE]

Just make them both BMs.  That's an honor. You could also make her a reader, but I prefer BM.  Anything else:  guestbook attendant, cake cutter, punch pourer, gift table watcher, program passer outer, are just lame.  Friends don't ask friends to do those pointless tasks.

WPs are not at all about symmetry, so it's perfectly fine for you to have one more BM than GM.  At the end of the ceremony, one lucky man will escort two beautiful women up the aisle.  Easy, and the perfect solution.

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_need-ideas-non-maid-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:f1daac22-4b43-4a03-8cab-f09f635955e4Post:522ce6b0-3c74-4487-8a85-e73777e6fc34">Need Ideas for Non-Maid Friend</a>:
[QUOTE]When we began planning our wedding, we had 5 bridesmaids and 5 groomsmen which I was perfectly happy with. However, after asking all of them and thinking everything was settled, my fiance decided he had left someone out that he really wanted to include. I had two very important girls to choose between for my sixth bridesmaid and although I'm happy with my choice, I'm trying to come up with an important role for my seventh girl to play. I've heard of people incorporating female ushers, and I know she could be the guestbook attendant or something, but I just really want to make sure she feels special and important on our big day. Does anyone have any creative ideas to make her feel included? Thanks in advance for your help! Sam~
Posted by SamKins811[/QUOTE]
Ask her to be your 7th BM.  Creating six slots and saying you can't go beyond that was asinine.  Your sides don't need to be even--we had one more BM than GM and were very happy with the situation.

[Deleted User]

Your WP does not have to be even.

If you already asked the original 5 girls to be BM's, why not just ask the other two as well? It sounds like they are pretty important to you and you would like for them to be in the wedding.

Don't have them do menial tasks like guest book attendant or something for you. If you don't end up asking them to be BM's, why not ask one of them to sing (if they can or want to) or do a reading at your wedding? That would be a better way to involve them in the wedding.

SamKins811

I'm sorry our choices thus far seem "asinine", but I'm really just looking for other creative solutions so I have other options to discuss with the fiance before we make a decision. I may end up asking her to be a bridesmaid, but my fiance and I have already talked about that and think our bridal party may already be too big for our ceremony venue as it is.

Thank you for the suggestions such as having her read or sing at the ceremony. Both are certainly good options and she does have a good voice so it's something to consider. Any other suggestions are definitely welcome!

vicki0508

I doubt adding one more BM will put you over the edge.  What was your criteria for deciding between her and the 6th BM?

AutumnFair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_need-ideas-non-maid-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:f1daac22-4b43-4a03-8cab-f09f635955e4Post:77b234d4-8f0e-4848-94e4-ca72815aaa03">Re: Need Ideas for Non-Maid Friend</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry our choices thus far seem "asinine", but I'm really just looking for other creative solutions so I have other options to discuss with the fiance before we make a decision. I may end up asking her to be a bridesmaid, but my fiance and I have already talked about that and think our bridal party may already be too big for our ceremony venue as it is. Thank you for the suggestions such as having her read or sing at the ceremony. Both are certainly good options and she does have a good voice so it's something to consider. Any other suggestions are definitely welcome!
Posted by SamKins811[/QUOTE]


Sadly, there just aren't a whole lot of things out there to suggest without looking like a "second rate" job. Besides usher, reader, or singer, there really isn't anything else that doesn't seem like a "runner up" feel.

Personally, I think it's weird that you have to accommodate to your FI before and after he added his friend. If you really cared about your friends enough you wouldn't let even sides be a concern to you. It's a common thing to have, your pictures will look just fine, and you won't even notice the day of because you will just be happy in getting married. 

Also if these two friends are in the same circle, the friend that you leave out I can guarantee is going to have hurt feelings and the "Why did she pick Sarah over me? Is she secretly mad at me?" So please, if you don't want to hurt your friend don't exclude her because you want even sides. I don't care if people prefer even sides but it means cutting out of person then that is wrong, IMHO.

SamKins811

The friend in question isn't as close of a friend as the other girls included, and no she isn't in the same circle. I've known her for several years and we were very close for a few of them, but she moved away about a year ago and we had drifted apart a bit about a year prior to that. She is definitely still a part of my life so I want to include her as more than a guest. My original five bridesmaids were my sister and the four girls I've been very close friends with for most of my life. The sixth has been a friend since Junior High and although we lost touch for a few years, she's been a huge part of my life for the past year since one of my bridesmaids was diagnosed with leukemia. So, I'm very happy with my choice of bridesmaids. I just really wanted to be able to include my seventh girl in a special way that would set her apart from other guests.

I guess maybe without knowing the whole story, it's hard to explain the situation. I don't feel like I'm just having to accomodate my fiance's choices. He has been wonderful throughout our planning process and we've discussed all of our decisions before following through on any of them. Thanks for the input ladies. I'm sure he and I will figure out a great way to include her!

SamKins811

I don't think I made numbers more important. That was definitely not what the decision was about. I didn't realize this would be such a negative thread because I had no intention of creating this sort of issue. I'm happy with my choice of bridesmaids and I guess the wording of my initial post could've been better? I don't know. Regardless, all I was asking for were suggestions for other duties and things to have non-bridesmaid friends do to be a part of the wedding as well. Numbers were not the issue at all.

sister2groom

I saw this in some other BP should-I-or-shouldn't-I thread. Not the symmetry matters, but actually having one more BM than GM does make it more symmetric, because there will be 7 girls in BM dresses on one side, 7 guys in suits/tuxes on the other and the bride in the middle.

AutumnFair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_need-ideas-non-maid-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:f1daac22-4b43-4a03-8cab-f09f635955e4Post:653de49c-301a-4bf0-9000-e490dcd11ec8">Re: Need Ideas for Non-Maid Friend</a>:
[QUOTE]The friend in question isn't as close of a friend as the other girls included, and no she isn't in the same circle.<strong> I've known her for several years and we were very close for a few of them, but she moved away about a year ago and we had drifted apart a bit about a year prior to that.</strong> She is definitely still a part of my life so I want to include her as more than a guest. My original five bridesmaids were my sister and the four girls I've been very close friends with for most of my life. The sixth has been a friend since Junior High and although we lost touch for a few years, she's been a huge part of my life for the past year since one of my bridesmaids was diagnosed with leukemia. So, I'm very happy with my choice of bridesmaids. I just really wanted to be able to include my seventh girl in a special way that would set her apart from other guests. I guess maybe without knowing the whole story, it's hard to explain the situation. I don't feel like I'm just having to accomodate my fiance's choices. He has been wonderful throughout our planning process and we've discussed all of our decisions before following through on any of them. Thanks for the input ladies. I'm sure he and I will figure out a great way to include her!
Posted by SamKins811[/QUOTE]

Now this is information changes my suggestion.

If she isn't that close then just make her a guest. If you really want her to be involve then ask her to do a reading, sing or usher. Those are the only other honors besides being in the WP.

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_need-ideas-non-maid-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:f1daac22-4b43-4a03-8cab-f09f635955e4Post:c5d52298-1b57-4e73-9f2b-fc9e14707edc">Re: Need Ideas for Non-Maid Friend</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think I made numbers more important. That was definitely not what the decision was about. I didn't realize this would be such a negative thread because I had no intention of creating this sort of issue. I'm happy with my choice of bridesmaids and I guess the wording of my initial post could've been better? I don't know. Regardless, all I was asking for were suggestions for other duties and things to have non-bridesmaid friends do to be a part of the wedding as well. Numbers were not the issue at all.
Posted by SamKins811[/QUOTE]
When you say that you excluded this girl because of numbers, people are going to think you excluded her because of numbers.  If that's not what you meant, great, but don't get bent out of shape because people took you at your word.<div>
</div><div>If you're not close to her, just ask her to be a guest.  She doesn't need a job or a role to feel important.</div>

aerinpegadrak

People are constantly asking this question.  If there were really some consolation position that was just as good as being a bridesmaid, don't you think someone would have figured it out by now?  It doesn't exist. 

Summer2011Bride

If you aren't that close to her, have her be a guest. That is STILL an honor--being asked to share in your special day. Or if you want to do something more, have her be a reader. That's pretty much it beside BM. But if you were only not asking her b/c she'd "put you over your limit at the ceremony," I doubt that. I doubt your venue will tell you you can't have 7 girls up there with you.

VRL

If you're intent on honouring her above and beyond inviting her as a guest to your wedding, you could consider presenting her with a corsage to wear the day of and include her name in the wedding program. Though, I'll admit, I have no idea under what title she would fit in said program.

megandenise10

I have two honorary bridesmaids. They are a big part of who I am, but I've only known them for a short amount of time compared to my other BMs... The florist is making them nosegays and they are in the wedding program. I asked them to wear a dress of their choice-they do not have to buy dresses-but also said if they wore the same color (black) it would be awesome.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_need-ideas-non-maid-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:f1daac22-4b43-4a03-8cab-f09f635955e4Post:343ca4b7-4986-4242-a80d-2217452fdb35">Re: Need Ideas for Non-Maid Friend</a>:
[QUOTE]I have two honorary bridesmaids. They are a big part of who I am, but I've only known them for a short amount of time compared to my other BMs... The florist is making them nosegays and they are in the wedding program. I asked them to wear a dress of their choice-they do not have to buy dresses-but also said if they wore the same color (black) it would be awesome.
Posted by megandenise10[/QUOTE]

So you are having two friends, in color matching dresses, carrying bouquets, listing them in the wedding program, but they're NOT really BMs?  What's the point?

An "Honorary Bridesmaid" is someone who can't physically attend your wedding ceremony:  example:  they're deployed.....or they're very ill.....or they live on the other side of the world.

If I saw "Honorary Bridesmaid" listed in the program, but then saw two women who very much looked like BMs, I'd be terribly confused. 

And if I were asked to wear a certain color dress, hold flowers, but not be a BM, well......first I'd have to work very hard to keep the incredulous look off my face.

deb84

Best Option: Ask her to be a bridesmaid.

Second Best Option: Ask her to do a reading or perform musically (either singing or playing an instrument). 

Third Best Option: Invite her as a guest.  Any other "job" will just hurt her feelings MORE than not being a bridesmaid would.

lalap69

Reader or guest.  If you don't want her to be a bm, these are your only choices.

chococerise

Ideas:  have her as part of a house party (done in the South sometimes...info on search engines), vocalist, reader, help hand out programs, cake or punch server

lalap69

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_need-ideas-non-maid-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:f1daac22-4b43-4a03-8cab-f09f635955e4Post:8e18cb8a-5140-45cd-b0bf-1ca2ee1bf16e">Re: Need Ideas for Non-Maid Friend</a>:
[QUOTE]Ideas:  have her as part of a house party (done in the South sometimes...info on search engines), vocalist, reader, help hand out programs, cake or punch server
Posted by chococerise[/QUOTE]
You can't adopt the House Party thing if you don't even know what it is.  If it's not part of your region's customs, it's not going to be an honour.

No one needs to hand out programs.  This is a shiit job, not an honour.

Serving cake and punch are also not honours, they are chores.  You should be paying someone to do this.

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_need-ideas-non-maid-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:f1daac22-4b43-4a03-8cab-f09f635955e4Post:8e18cb8a-5140-45cd-b0bf-1ca2ee1bf16e">Re: Need Ideas for Non-Maid Friend</a>:
[QUOTE]Ideas:  have her as part of a house party (done in the South sometimes...info on search engines), vocalist, reader, help hand out programs, cake or punch server
Posted by chococerise[/QUOTE]

Vocalist or reader are okay

Program hander outer, cake server and punch server are BS pity jobs that are about as far from "honor" as you can get.

marinabreeze

I agree with most PPs, reader or guest are also honors, but other stuff, like guestbook attendant, cake/punch server, program hander-outer, etc., are jobs and not honors.  And "honorary bridesmaid"?  *smdh*...either someone is a BM or isn't..."honorary" BM is for someone who can't make it because they are having a baby, or away in the service, or dies before the wedding takes place, not an also-ran position for someone who is physically at the ceremony.

I don't think people are trying to be negative, OP, we can only go by what you write.  It's one thing if you just aren't as close to this person than the others, but it's another if, as you mentioned, you were altering your BM count in response to your FI altering his GM count, or if the WP is "too big" for the ceremony venue (I've heard of venues charging above a certain number of guests, but not over a certain number of WP attendants!). 

It's fine to choose attendants based on closeness, as long as the focus is on having them there as your nearest and dearest rather than photo props.  However, the fact that you mentioned these other issues makes others and myself wonder if the core issue is the friendship or symmetry, because if it's just about the friendship, why even mention the numbers in the first place?

christy7211

How about personal attendant? If you've drifted apart but still want to include her then go right ahead and give her any of the suggested positions. It's really not a huge deal as long as whatever you decide is what you want and you feel good about it. good luck!

lalap69

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_need-ideas-non-maid-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:f1daac22-4b43-4a03-8cab-f09f635955e4Post:b1533e19-b510-42f6-8179-7ec155891d84">Re: Need Ideas for Non-Maid Friend</a>:
[QUOTE]How about personal attendant? If you've drifted apart but still want to include her then go right ahead and give her any of the suggested positions. It's really not a huge deal as long as whatever you decide is what you want and you feel good about it. good luck!
Posted by christy7211[/QUOTE]
JFC.  NO.  Personal attendant = Bride's b*tch.  In what universe is that an honour???

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_need-ideas-non-maid-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:f1daac22-4b43-4a03-8cab-f09f635955e4Post:b1533e19-b510-42f6-8179-7ec155891d84">Re: Need Ideas for Non-Maid Friend</a>:
[QUOTE]How about personal attendant? If you've drifted apart but still want to include her then go right ahead and give her any of the suggested positions. It's really not a huge deal as long as whatever you decide is what you want and you feel good about it. good luck!
Posted by christy7211[/QUOTE]

Ahhhh, the "personal attendant" suggestion.  How exactly IS that an honor?

"Friend, everyone else will be in my WP.  They'll have a position of honor during the ceremony.  They'll wear the dress, have flowers, and be introduced into the reception as my nearest and dearest."

"Now for you:  I'd like you to carry around my comb and brush and touch up makeup.  You'll be holding up my dress when I pee, and you'll be troubleshooting problems all day long for me.  What?  Recognition?  Oh no, dear,  that's just for the people in the WP.  And you're not."

"What do you mean, you're not honored?  I'm doing this for you to make you feel included and special!  What's that?  You'd rather just be a guest.  Well, excuuuuuuuuuuuuse me for trying to make you feel special."

I don't think that Kate MIddleton needs a "personal assistant" at her wedding, and she's marrying the future King of England.  Why in heaven's name does anyone, anywhere need a personal assistant on their wedding day.  It's just not that terribly involved an event.

StephieBow

I had the same kind of issue, I mean I have my 4 best girlfriends and future sister in law as my BMs but, I still had some friends who I'm close to who WANTED to be involved and asked if they could somehow be involved.

One of my friends has stepped up and she's basically my "church coordinator" she'll make sure our families get their corsages, make sure that people have whatever information they need etc.  She is really excited about it. 

Basically, Ushers, Readings and Singing/Instrumentation are the next level after wedding party so I wouldn't ask her to do anything at the reception - that's up to the bridal party.