Moms and Maids

New Maid of Honor here, help?

Hello ladies, I'm sure this has been more than covered here so sorry for any redundance. I searched for any threads but didn't find any helpful ones.

My very best friend is getting married this Fall, she lives in Long Beach, I live in Chicago and I'm her MOH! Just hoping for a little run-down on what my duties are? Any tips/advice are helpful! Thanks so much :)

Re: New Maid of Honor here, help?

  • jagore08jagore08 member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    IMO your duties are to purchase a dress (after your budget has been discussed with the bride), show up on time, and wear a smile.  If you want to do more to help your friend out then offer your help but be specific on what you can do since you're so far away.
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    You're in charge of the punch bowl during the reception. If it gets below half empty, you have to alert one of the bridesmaids IMMEDIATELY! She then alerts one of the groomsmen... the two of them have get into the limo as fast as they can and drive to the nearby Walgreens... not Wal-Mart, another MOH on here did that and it was a HUGE mistake, it has to be Walgreens, and they purchase more fruit punch. They then have to bring it back and you refill the bowl as fast as you can. And for the love of all that is holy, do not spill any of it!

    Oh and you have to buy a dress and show up to the wedding on time. Smiling will be the hardest part. Pesky details.

  • jcamm11jcamm11 member
    edited December 2011
    The only requirements are buying the dress, going to the rehearsal, and showing up on time for the wedding.  The MOH usually holds the bride's flowers during the ceremony, gives her the grooms ring, helps her bustle her gown, if it's a long train perhaps help arrange it for photos, help her with her skirt when she goes to the bathroom, bring a copy of the ceremony and readings in case anyone forgets their's, coordinate her bridal shower and bachelorette party, help her write out thank you notes, help her with favors.. I bet if you type "maid of honor" into the knot's search engine, you'll get a list of ideas.  Just remember, besides showing up in the right dress, it's all optional, so don't feel the need to go broke throwing parties for your friend or run yourself ragged helping her plan her wedding.  Sometimes brides tend to blather on about wedding details nobody but they themselves care about, so if you want to be a good friend, let her do some wedding talk.  If it gets to be too much, be upfront with her instead of avoiding her.

    Congrats on being picked maid of honor!
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  • Catwoman708Catwoman708 member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Your minimum duties are:

    Pay for your own travel expenses and attire.  (You should probably discuss your budget with the bride in advance).

    Plan on staying at least 2-3 days.  You will likely need to arrive the day before for the rehearsal, which is usually the night before, and the wedding day will probably be a long one, with a late night.

    You should find out when to be ready, and what activities you are expected to attend (salon appointments, pre-wedding photos, post wedding photos, etc...).

    Other "duties" that are sometimes "expected" of the MOH:

    Plan and pay for the bridal shower and bachelorette, and related travel expenses.  *This is not required.  If you live out of state, let the bride know up front if you will be able to participate.  If someone else is planning these things, let the hostess know if you will or will not be contributing money to this, and if so, how much. 

    To help the bride get ready, run errands, help decorate and set up, participate in choreographed or bridal party dances, help clean up afterwards, pay for their own hair and make up, etc...  Again, non of this is required.
  • KnibletKniblet member
    edited December 2011
    My Matron of Honor lives in GA, over 1000 miles away.  I talked wedding with her on the phone, she liked looking for stuff with me online and IM'ing about it, and she picked her dress (and the dresses of her twin daughters, my JR BM's).

    She never went to one meeting with me.  She did go with me to look at dresses when I went to visit her and my mom but it was just looking.  H was the one that attended all of the vendor meetings with me, since it was HIS wedding, too.

    Bridal Party are usually required to buy the dresses and stuff, pay for their travel if there is travel involved, and be there the day of the wedding.  That's all I asked of mine.

    Good luck!

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  • edited December 2011
    Pretty much the flat out obligations are to take with the bride about your budget, buy a dress you agree on in that budget, smile, and stand up with her. Other's have mentioned holding the bouquet, etc which are helpful things you'll probably end up doing throughout the day. At every wedding I've ever been at, the MOH and the best main have always given the toast. If you search maid of honor on the knot, it will give you a list of the general duties.

    One suggestion - after checking the list - CALL YOUR BRIDE AND ASK WHAT SHE WANTS YOU TO DO. Every bride has different expectations of her WP, regardless of the fact that all they are really supposed to do these days is get dressed, smile, and take pictures. Many brides often have family or cultural traditions you may not be aware of. It might be a good idea to know now if she just expects with you to stand at the alter, or if you need to start writing a speech, planning to travel more often, etc. That way, in the rare event that your friend does have a grocery list of things she wants you to do (showers, bachlorette parties, etc - which you are not obligated to throw), you can prepare for it now, or at least give her a more realistic view of what you can do for her. It's better to ask her upfront than inform her three weeks before the wedding that you can't do something she was (however rationally or irrationally)  expecting you to do. It might seem silly, but even the best of friendships can get very strained during wedding planning, and not a day goes by when someone doesn't post that some craziness is going on, so it's best just to straighten it out at the beginning so you can spend the rest of the time having fun.
  • MaCherieMaCherie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for all of the help and tips, it's much appreciated.
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