Bridesmaid uncertainty

Little06

I have asked a co-worker/friend to be bridesmaid.  The past few months we have not hung out and she does not seem interested in the wedding.  I have tried to make plans to go out to rekindle our friendship and she has declined every invitation.  The bridesmaids are supposed to order their dresses in two weeks and I am really uncertain if she is even planning to be a bridesmaid anymore and I'm really lost as to handle this situation without it being awkward. Any suggestions?

M&R7111

I would just ask her if she was planning to order her dress.  Take it from there.  If she's not interested she would (or at least should) say so - and that might be awkward, but oh well.

trix1223

Tell her when the appointment to order dresses is.  If she shows up and orders the dress, she's in the WP.  If she doesn't, she's made her intention clear, and you don't have to worry about it.

ETA:  Why are they ordering dresses in October for a wedding that's in May?

Little06

They are ordering the first weekend of november and the dresses will come in the last week of march giving the girls time to get alterations.  Plus the boutique offers payment plans so the will be able to make monthly payments starting when the order.  Also our date has moved up a couple weeks just haven't updated.

graysquirrel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-uncertainty?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:f3da60f3-b6ec-4adf-a634-c6269bb1f8f8Post:58192b0c-0b50-483b-8441-b4c8e919f261">Re: Bridesmaid uncertainty</a>:
[QUOTE]I would just ask her if she was planning to order her dress.  Take it from there.  If she's not interested she would (or at least should) say so - and that might be awkward, but oh well.
Posted by M&R7111[/QUOTE]

This sounds like good advice!

[Deleted User]

As long as she knows what color dress she is supposed to wear, leave it up to her to order her own dress. My BM's did not order their dresses all at the same time. However, they knew they needed to do it if they were going to be in the wedding, and they did.

If she doesn't get the dress, then she isn't in the wedding. Plain and simple. Sometimes you can only do so much and if a person decides at the last minute they don't want to be in, then so be it.

JerseyML

This happened to my sister when she got married.  We are calling the girl S.  S at first was all for it.  She really excited to be part of the wedding and wanted to help in any way she could.  My sister had a 2 year and 1 month engagement so things were really spread out.  When it came down to doing any BM related things for the wedding, S was too busy or had family drama with her ex or had financial issues (my sister paid for all the girls dresses they just had to pay for the shoes) or having a hard time with work.  Everything was an excuse.  My sister offered to pay for whatever was needed to be paid by S but then she would use another excuse as to why she couldn't be involved with something. 

Eventually it go to be too much.  My sister cut the girl out of her wedding but luckily her back up BM, who was a good friend to my sister and had no problem being the backup BM, stepped right in.  She even fit into the dress that was meant to be for S.

I wouldn't wait.  I say talk to her.  If she isn't into it, pick another girl to be a BM.  Its your wedding.  Who needs the added drama?  You have enough to worry about.  Pick a girl who would be understanding of the situation and not be offended to be a back up BM.  IF there are no other girls and you are stuck I say just wait and see what happens with her.   

JerseyML

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-uncertainty?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:f3da60f3-b6ec-4adf-a634-c6269bb1f8f8Post:c24ce60f-3636-4516-ab57-22fde5e62605">Re: Bridesmaid uncertainty</a>:
[QUOTE]A "backup" bridesmaid?  God, that's awful.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

I didn't say it was the best idea.  I just know it was a crappy situation for my sister and her friend had no problem with it.  She is still great friends with the girl who was the replacement and hasn't spoken to S in 6 years. This is the way they decided to handle it and it worked out. 

goetzr19

I agree with pp's about telling her when the appointment for trying them on is.  If she doesn't show up (and gives a VERY valid excuse if she doesn't) then you can take it as she is backing out of the wedding.

Little06

Thanks for the suggestions and I decided to tell her today when the appt. was and she said she would be there so we shall see