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too early to plan-mother issues

My MIL is very set in having an outdoor wedding when I've already chosen the indoor venue. Even though my fiance and I both have talked to her about this and other plans she has made for our day, she feels that we will change our mind because the wedding is a year away. But then everytime I want her help planning something that it IS time for she also feels that the wedding is too far away for those plans. I asked her to give some names for the guest list from my fiance's side and she is dragging her feet. These aren't the first incidents. She took this attitude when I went dress shopping with her and didn't get the dress that she liked. Meanwhile, my fiance and I are paying for most of the wedding with my parents help. How do I get my voice heard but still get some plans made. Do I eventually have to give in to stuff I don't like just to keep the peace?

Re: too early to plan-mother issues

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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Pay=say.

    When your MIL makes suggestions, like your venue choice, simply smile and reply, "Thanks for the suggestion, but that's already taken care of."  OR "I appreciate that you feel differently than your son and I do, but the venue is a done deal."

    When she gives her suggestions about other things, we have a saying around here, compliments of retread bride,  which is to "bean dip" her.  "That's a very interesting suggestion.  Have you tried the bean dip?  It's delicious."  Or "That's a very interesting suggestion.  So what did you think of Sunday's Mad Men episode?"

    Is there something that you can give her full control over?  My DD's MIL is quite similar to your FMIL.  So DD and SIL gave her free reign over invitations and programs.  That way she had a piece that wasn't as important to them, and she had a feeling of being involved.
    GL
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    mysticlmysticl member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Trix is right

    As far as things like her sides guest list go just let her know you need her part (names and full contact info) by a certain date.  If she doesn't get it to you go ahead and do your invites.  If she gets around to it later and there is room to invite people go ahead and invite them if not just let her know that you are booked solid and figured that since she didn't give you any names she didn't want to invite anyone.
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    edited December 2011
    Trix gave great advice. Bean dipping can get you through many of life's difficult situations.

    As far as the guest list goes, figure out how many guests you can afford to let FMIL invite. Give her a set number and let her know that you need the guest list by a certain date.

    Don't worry about your FMIL's dress. She should be able to handle that on her own. Plus, if your wedding is still a year off, it's early to be shopping for the mother's dresses.

    Since you, fi and your parents are paying for the wedding, you should proceed with the planning.
                       
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Maire:  I took the dress issue to be about the bridal gown, not the MOG dress.  They went shopping the FMIL was disappointed that bride didn't choose the gown FMIL liked.   I certainly hope that the OP wasn't trying to choose the MOG dress!

    And an excellent idea to just tell her FMIL:  "we're planning a reception for 100 people.  You can invite 25, my parents will invite 25, and your son and I will invite the other 50.  (Or whatever breakdown the OP wants)  I'll need your specific list by this date."
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    edited December 2011
    Trix-you're right! I misread it. I couldn't figure out why they were shopping for the mothers' dresses so early, duh! Now, it makes sense. Thanks.
    Well, I think it sucks that the bride didn't get the dress because of the fmil's objections. I would suggest shopping with her own mom or someone who is a little more supportive.
                       
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    edited December 2011

    These ladies have all given great advice.  All I want to say is GL!  Your FMIL sounds very much like my FMIL who has been in continual denial that her son is getting married and moving out.  We are only going to be ten minutes away!  So I hope your FMIL gets better with things but if not just learn to bite your lip and only be around her when your fiance can.  It sucks, I know.

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