Momzilla?

aknight2789

I have dreamed of a wedding at a certain venue ever since I visited, but knew it was waay too expensive (probably a $30,000 total wedding) so we began looking elsewhere. Last week, I got great news that I won a wedding package from THAT vendor that included facility rental, tables, chairs, linens, flowers, cake, dj, dress, suit... the WORKS! All we are responsible for is food and drink (which will total around $10,000 for 150 guests). When I first told my mom about it, she seemed gung ho and I was on top of the world. My fiance and I would pay for 75% of the cost and leave just a small portion for the parents to assist with. However, yesterday, my mom sat us down and basically told us she would not support spending that kind of money on a wedding. What do you do???????? I'm crushed.

Habs2Hart

I would not give up that chance.  Can you find a way to pay for 75% of the cost? 

What do you mean by support?  Emotional support or monetary support?

What was your original budget before you won the package? 

aknight2789

We definitely have a plan to come up with the money to pay for it. Our budget was $8000 beforehand, but we were splitting the costs. Coming up with the money for us is not the issue, we'll figure that part out.

tldh

Go ahead then and pay for the whole thing yourself.  You'll be saving yourself a lot of headaches because no one but you and your FI will get a say.  my head is still spinning from "that kind of money on a wedding."  We spent that much and only had 30 guests.

mgietler76

As long as you're paying for it I say go for it! And congrats on winning, how awesome is that?

aerinpegadrak

So pay for it yourselves.  Really, you shouldn't plan on leaving any of the tab for your parents or any other family to pick up unless they have told you that they're willing to help.  Just handing them a bill for their portion is not okay.

Also, I couldn't help but snort at your post title.  Fairy tale?  Really?  Honey, have you ever actually read any fairy tales, in their original versions?  They're horror stories, literally.  It's not something you want to be part of, unless dying horribly as a cautionary tale sounds like your idea of a fun night.  Come back to reality, please.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_not-dreamy-fairy-tale?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:f8d7a87a-e3ec-4ff4-85fd-04d289164f6cPost:c271a913-b6ab-4497-87d3-ecca679418ce">Mom Ruined the Fairy Tale</a>:
[QUOTE]I have dreamed of a fairy tale wedding at a certain venue ever since I visited, but knew it was waay too expensive (probably a $30,000 total wedding) so we began looking elsewhere. Last week, I got great news that I won a wedding package from THAT vendor that included facility rental, tables, chairs, linens, flowers, cake, dj, dress, suit... the WORKS! All we are responsible for is food and drink (which will total around $10,000 for 150 guests). When I first told my mom about it, she seemed gung ho and I was on top of the world. My fiance and I would pay for 75% of the cost and leave just a small portion for the parents to assist with. However, yesterday, the big bad wolf stole my fairy tale. She sat us down and basically told us she would not support spending that kind of money on a wedding. What do you do???????? I'm crushed.
Posted by aknight2789[/QUOTE]

Find a way to pay the whole thing yourselves.  Push the date back a bit if the venue is that important to you so you can save more money.  You need to decide whats most important to you, getting married on a certain date, or having your "fairy tale" wedding venue. 

And referring to your wedding as a fairy tale makes me think you also refer to it as your pretty pretty princess day.

AdeleDazeem

If you think your wedding is a reason to put on a tiara, prance around in a ballgown, and marry your prince, I fear for you sanity.

But, in all seriousness, if it means that much to you, pay for it yourself.

kpwedkk

I agree with the previous posters, find a way to plan and pay for everything yourselves!  If that means moving out the wedding date, so be it. A lot of headaches will diminish if you go this route!

TheCranberry

You should pay for it yourself so that she will have no say in how you choose to spend your money.  Just set a date for when you will be able to save up $10,000.  Congrats on winning the venue you wanted.

BeeBee22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_not-dreamy-fairy-tale?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:f8d7a87a-e3ec-4ff4-85fd-04d289164f6cPost:be7256b0-84fc-496b-ba2c-160c66cb0eff">Re: Mom Ruined the Fairy Tale</a>:
[QUOTE]  Fairy tale?  Really?  Honey, have you ever actually read any fairy tales, in their original versions?  They're horror stories, literally.  It's not something you want to be part of, unless dying horribly as a cautionary tale sounds like your idea of a fun night.  Come back to reality, please.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Snort ... so true.  People clearly don't really read these things any more ..... terrible things happening to people that (if they're lucky) they survive with stronger character, having passed through the Dark Night.  Besides, if you want a 'fairy tale" wedding meaning "Disney movie princess" wedding, you're too much of a child to marry. JMO.

</div>

aknight2789

For all the rude comments, with the term fairy tale, I was simply stating that the venue is something that I only could have dreamed of. I am fully aware of what the true meaning of marriage is and I am both old enough and responsible enough to get married. As my fiance said, if someone offered you a Cadillac Escalade for the price of a Hyundai Accent, wouldn't you do it too? I just wanted some input about how to handle the situation with the parents. All derogatory comments about my 'character' from people who don't really know me are discouraged. That's really no help.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_not-dreamy-fairy-tale?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:f8d7a87a-e3ec-4ff4-85fd-04d289164f6cPost:03dfec48-7a6d-43de-81c6-6930490eac53">Re: Mom Ruined the Fairy Tale</a>:
[QUOTE]For all the rude comments, with the term fairy tale, I was simply stating that the venue is something that I only could have dreamed of. I am fully aware of what the true meaning of marriage is and I am both old enough and responsible enough to get married. <strong>As my fiance said, if someone offered you a Cadillac Escalade for the price of a Hyundai Accent, wouldn't you do it too?</strong> I just wanted some input about how to handle the situation with the parents. All derogatory comments about my 'character' from people who don't really know me are discouraged. That's really no help.
Posted by aknight2789[/QUOTE]

Sorry but its a public message board and people will respond how they want.  Referring to a wedding a fairy tale or a princess day doesn't go over well around here.  And like it or not, it causes us to perceive you as someone young, dreaming of their day they get to be like Cinderella.

And not one person has told you not to get married there.  We told you to pay for the whole thing yourselves, and do whatever you need to do to make that happen, even if that means pushing your date back until you can save $10,000. 

And just for the record, no I would not buy a Cadillac Escalade even if it was for the price of an Accent. 

aerinpegadrak

I'd probably prefer the Accent, honestly.  DH loves his Sonata to little bits.

Using the term "fairy tale" once is forgivable.  Using it multiple times makes you sound about 16.  Referring to your mother, in all seriousness, as the "big bad wolf" makes you sound about 12.  If you choose not to present yourself as a mature adult, don't complain when people don't treat you like one.

Cynthia1207

All right all ''fairy tale'' talk aside, personally I think it's kind of awkward to ask your parents to pay for your wedding.  You're getting married not them.  If they offer the money then sure no problem but going around asking for it is kinda rude.  Your mother is perfectly entitled to decline paying for anything.  I personally think paying for your own wedding makes it much more gratifying in the end.  Every penny you spent was on what you wanted.  I think you should just pay for it yourself.

Soon2BMrsClay

You would be crazy to give up this venue!  Find a way to make it happen

AutumnFair

You have two choices really.

Pay for the wedding yourself and have it at the "dream" reception venue you want.

or

Take your parents money and have it where they want. 

You can't force your parents to pay for your wedding. Your an adult now, you are very much capable in saving up money for you and your FI party.

Quick add: calling your mom a "big bad wolf" is not a very mature way to talk about your mom.

BeeBee22

Coward.  If you go back and edit your original post and its title to sound less like a brat, it just reinforces the impression. The original post is what people were responding to, not your now-cleaned-up one. Besides, you were already quoted, so your original text and title stand further down the thread.

The mature thing to do (for future reference) is to post a follow-up clarifying that you didn't realize how whiney you sounded.

And, no, this doesn't remotely qualify as 'momzilla' behavior.

Pay for the rest of your wedding yourselves.

AutumnFair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_not-dreamy-fairy-tale?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:f8d7a87a-e3ec-4ff4-85fd-04d289164f6cPost:c271a913-b6ab-4497-87d3-ecca679418ce">Momzilla?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have dreamed of a wedding at a certain venue ever since I visited, but knew it was waay too expensive (probably a $30,000 total wedding) so we began looking elsewhere. Last week, I got great news that I won a wedding package from THAT vendor that included facility rental, tables, chairs, linens, flowers, cake, dj, dress, suit... the WORKS! All we are responsible for is food and drink (which will total around $10,000 for 150 guests). When I first told my mom about it, she seemed gung ho and I was on top of the world. My fiance and I would pay for 75% of the cost and leave just a small portion for the parents to assist with. However, yesterday, my mom sat us down and basically told us she would not support spending that kind of money on a wedding. What do you do???????? I'm crushed.
Posted by aknight2789[/QUOTE]

<div>Even if you re-write your original statement all this advice still stands. If you want a certain venue that you love, act like an adult and save up for it. If your parents have already told you no, stop pressuring them because they obviously find your choice too expensive and it's really rude to be putting them in this awkward position. So either suck it up and pay for the wedding yourself or let go of your favorite venue and compromise with what your parents are willing to put up. It's just that simple. </div>

greenturtlelove

Wow ... I mean just WOW. You guys are so incredibly rude! Aknight, if you want your fairy tale wedding than go for it! There is no need for the meanness and cruilty. If she wanted a Disney wedding who are you to judge? Get off your high horse and stop being such b- you know what's and answer the question at hand. I know this is a public and international message board  but it seems to me like you're bringing you're high school cliche's into all this when really it's just not needed. Get off your pedestal and offer real honest advise or don't answer at all, really is your life THAT boring that you want to hang around a wedding message board and dole out useless cruel advice all day long? Grow the F**k up!

Ghoti

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_not-dreamy-fairy-tale?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:f8d7a87a-e3ec-4ff4-85fd-04d289164f6cPost:829a1f89-c76c-4876-8c26-7371ba453b0b">Re: Momzilla?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow ... I mean just WOW. You guys are so incredibly rude! Aknight, if you want your fairy tale wedding than go for it! There is no need for the meanness and cruilty. If she wanted a Disney wedding who are you to judge? Get off your high horse and stop being such b- you know what's and answer the question at hand. I know this is a public and international message board  but it seems to me like you're bringing you're high school cliche's into all this when really it's just not needed. Get off your pedestal and offer real honest advise or don't answer at all, really is your life THAT boring that you want to hang around a wedding message board and dole out useless cruel advice all day long? Grow the F**k up!
Posted by greenturtlelove[/QUOTE]
Shoo Troll. You've already been outed.

marinabreeze

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_not-dreamy-fairy-tale?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:f8d7a87a-e3ec-4ff4-85fd-04d289164f6cPost:829a1f89-c76c-4876-8c26-7371ba453b0b">Re: Momzilla?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow ... I mean just WOW. You guys are so incredibly rude! Aknight, if you want your fairy tale wedding than go for it! There is no need for the meanness and cruilty. If she wanted a Disney wedding who are you to judge? Get off your high horse and stop being such b- you know what's and answer the question at hand. I know this is a public and international message board  but it seems to me like you're bringing you're high school cliche's into all this when really it's just not needed. Get off your pedestal and offer real honest advise or don't answer at all, really is your life THAT boring that you want to hang around a wedding message board and dole out useless cruel advice all day long? Grow the F**k up!
Posted by greenturtlelove[/QUOTE]

Speak for yourself, troll.

marinabreeze

And to the OP, I second AutumnFair.  Either pay for it yourself, or take the money that your mom offers up and have it elsewhere at a venue of her choosing/within her budget. 

You're not entitled to have your parents pay for anything.  Besides, money comes with strings, as you can see when your mom refused to fork over a percentage of the money for your preferred venue.  If you don't want strings, then you and your FI should pay for it yourselves and have the kind of the reception you want.  You can't have it both ways.

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_not-dreamy-fairy-tale?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:f8d7a87a-e3ec-4ff4-85fd-04d289164f6cPost:829a1f89-c76c-4876-8c26-7371ba453b0b">Re: Momzilla?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow ... I mean just WOW. You guys are so incredibly rude! Aknight, if you want your fairy tale wedding than go for it! There is no need for the meanness and cruilty. If she wanted a Disney wedding who are you to judge? Get off your high horse and stop being such b- you know what's and answer the question at hand. I know this is a public and international message board  but it seems to me like you're bringing you're high school cliche's into all this when really it's just not needed. Get off your pedestal and offer real honest advise or don't answer at all, really is your life THAT boring that you want to hang around a wedding message board and dole out useless cruel advice all day long? Grow the F**k up!
Posted by greenturtlelove[/QUOTE]

oh, the butchering of the english language you have in here.

trix1223

OP:  The solution here just isn't all that hard.  Pay for your own wedding.  Then you can have it wherever you want.

Your parents are under NO obligation to help you with any part of your wedding:  whether you've won a contest or not.

Greenturtle:  you were funny at first.  Now you're just tiresome and boring.

Cynthia1207

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_not-dreamy-fairy-tale?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:f8d7a87a-e3ec-4ff4-85fd-04d289164f6cPost:829a1f89-c76c-4876-8c26-7371ba453b0b">Re: Momzilla?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow ... I mean just WOW. You guys are so incredibly rude! Aknight, if you want your fairy tale wedding than go for it! There is no need for the meanness and cruilty. If she wanted a Disney wedding who are you to judge? Get off your high horse and stop being such b- you know what's and answer the question at hand. I know this is a public and international message board  but it seems to me like you're bringing you're high school cliche's into all this when really it's just not needed. Get off your pedestal and offer real honest advise or don't answer at all, really is your life THAT boring that you want to hang around a wedding message board and dole out useless cruel advice all day long? Grow the F**k up!
Posted by greenturtlelove[/QUOTE]

It's rude to ask people for money.  TROLL. GO AWAY!  If you don't like the answers stay off the posts and get a life.

lauraf1202

If you have your heart set this venue, I'd say pay for it yourselves. 
 
I'm hoping that you're just venting, but it really seems that you have your heart set on demonizing your mother.  First she was a "big bad wolf" and now she's a "momzilla".  So in that case, I'd really get used to the idea of paying for everything yourselves. 

Soon2BMrsClay

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_not-dreamy-fairy-tale?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:f8d7a87a-e3ec-4ff4-85fd-04d289164f6cPost:9f0d4539-aad7-42e0-8e10-c6f2f0f3a17b">Re: Momzilla?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Momzilla? : Shoo Troll. You've already been outed.
Posted by Ghoti[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>hahaha love it.

</div>

snadlicki

Seriously ladies? Accusing this bride of being "16" because she wants a fairy tale wedding? Get over yourselves, you feel she is making herself seem immature, you all are making yourselves look cynical, rude and no more mature than a high-school aged girl. Yes, this board is public and people will respond how they choose, but a little respect is expected. If you don't like what she has to say, and you are not capable of simply answering the question at hand, then move on and don't post anything! I think we are all capable of realizing that she simply meant that this is her dream wedding when refering to "the fairy tale". And hey thanks for the history of fairy tales lesson, but that is not what this post is about.

I agree, she needs to pay for the wedding herself if her parents are not willing to help. You should not assume that anyone is going to pick up the tab. If this is the dream venue, then go for it! There is no reason you should pass up on your perfect day because someone else thinks the price is unreasonable. (as long as you can afford it).

Congrats on winning that package, that is wonderful! Also, I hope your wedding is everything you dreamed of and more...go and get your fairy tale!

mkrupar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_not-dreamy-fairy-tale?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:f8d7a87a-e3ec-4ff4-85fd-04d289164f6cPost:06a9a0fe-f9a7-47b7-8a54-0bd07ff82561">Re: Momzilla?</a>:
[QUOTE]Seriously ladies? Accusing this bride of being "16" because she wants a fairy tale wedding? Get over yourselves, you feel she is making herself seem immature, you all are making yourselves look cynical, rude and no more mature than a high-school aged girl. Yes, this board is public and people will respond how they choose, but a little respect is expected.<strong> If you don't like what she has to say, and you are not capable of simply answering the question at hand, then move on and don't post anything! </strong>I think we are all capable of realizing that she simply meant that this is her dream wedding when refering to "the fairy tale". And hey thanks for the history of fairy tales lesson, but that is not what this post is about. I agree, she needs to pay for the wedding herself if her parents are not willing to help. You should not assume that anyone is going to pick up the tab. If this is the dream venue, then go for it! There is no reason you should pass up on your perfect day because someone else thinks the price is unreasonable. (as long as you can afford it). Congrats on winning that package, that is wonderful! Also, I hope your wedding is everything you dreamed of and more...go and get your fairy tale!
Posted by snadlicki[/QUOTE]

Telling people when and how to post is the quickest way around here to get people to not listen to you. You do not get to dictate how people respond. That's the beauty of a message board. Yes, while many posters are sarcasting or snarky, the underlying message was all the same. OP needs to pay for the wedding herself. Posters need to understand that they're not always going to get sunshine and roses out of responders. They need to read the responses and take from them the advice given and drown out all the snarkiness.

Everyone on here gets flamed for one reason or another. The quickest way to keep it going is to turn around and say "You guys are soooo mean" and "I thought you all were here to provide support." Nope, we're here to tell you what your friends and family won't say to your face. So, if telling OP she shouldn't refer to her wedding as a fairy tale, or her mother as the "big bad wolf" is mean, then so-be-it. Others are probably thinking it behind her back, but we'll tell it to her straight. 

The other quick way to get flamed around here is to DD (dirty delete) or edit the OP to make the poster sound better. She doesn't sound any better by calling her mom a Momzilla instead of the big bad wolf. This means the people who responded have wasted their time and if another girl comes along with the same question she won't be able to find answers.  

cody+mandy2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_not-dreamy-fairy-tale?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:f8d7a87a-e3ec-4ff4-85fd-04d289164f6cPost:829a1f89-c76c-4876-8c26-7371ba453b0b">Re: Momzilla?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow ... I mean just WOW. You guys are so incredibly rude! Aknight, if you want your fairy tale wedding than go for it! There is no need for the meanness and cruilty. If she wanted a Disney wedding who are you to judge? Get off your high horse and stop being such b- you know what's and answer the question at hand. I know this is a public and international message board  but it seems to me like you're bringing you're high school cliche's into all this when really it's just not needed. Get off your pedestal and offer real honest advise or don't answer at all, really is your life THAT boring that you want to hang around a wedding message board and dole out useless cruel advice all day long? Grow the F**k up!
Posted by greenturtlelove[/QUOTE]


This is exactly what I was thinking about some of you girls.  She asked how you would handle the situation, not to degrade her character.  OP- I agree with PP in that if you want to make this dream of yours - fairy tale or not- you'll probably have to work for it and pay for it yourselves:)