I am having major problems with my mother & aunt. Everything I have said that I wanted has been met with an, "Oh no!"
There are two major problems... The first being that they do not understand the degree of formality I am wanting for the wedding. The second being that they are opposed to incorporating my fiance's heritage. (He is from India.)
The issues today have been about food and engagement photos. I was trying to set up a tasting with an Indian restraint that my fiance and I enjoy. The chef there has been trained in all sorts of foods from around the world and said she could do a non-spicy chicken dish for my family to have in addition to the Indian food we were planning. I was arranging the tasting so they could approve the "american" portion of the menu. They asked what would be served and I told them that I had already removed some more formal items that I knew they would not enjoy (dill salmon, etc.) and told them about some rosemary chicken and basil chicken options. These are basic, but dishes that I feel can be eaten in a formal setting. And for the _____00000th time, they bring up a barbecue restaurant that caters events at my cousin's high school. I enjoy all types of cuisine except barbecue. I HATE BARBECUE! In addition to my hatred for the cuisine (which they should know about because every year for my birthday they try to serve it and I have to once again tell them that I hate it.), our ceremony & reception is at a former movie theater in the evening. I am going for a formal affair. The food is not the only example of when their sense of formality is non-existent. My aunt tells me that she is who she is and will not pretend to be someone she's not. I am only asking for one formal night! I realize I cannot turn their rednecks a different color, but can't they be formal for one night?!??
For our engagement photos, I purchased an expensive, designer sari. When I told them of my plan to wear it in the photos, they were (to say the least) no pleased. They want me to wear "normal" clothes. They have plenty of pictures of me in american dress. I don't see what is wrong with me showing appreciation for my fiance's heritage by dressing in their style of clothing. At the beginning of my planning, I had wanted to arrive to the wedding in a western wedding dress and leave in a sari. They already vetoed that and I said I would not do that.
Everything I have said I wanted - dress, cake, food, etc to any nod to my future husband's heritage has been met with an "oh no!' My mother has already pulled out the "I'm paying for it!" card. After I had only been engaged for a few weeks, she said she was feeling "left out." At that point, only two decisions had been made and she was involved in both of them. Right now she is saying that she'll just show up as a guest. When I point out that they want me to do things how they want them or they don't want to be involved at all, they say they are trying to reach a compromise. The way I see it, I have done nothing but compromise!