mother doesnt want to meet my future family

Slou22

Help! My fiances parents and mine have never met. I was thinking about getting our immediate families together to meet. He is from a family of 8 and I have a family of 4. My mother asked what I had in mind and when i mentioned his siblings she said "i dont need to meet them". How do I tell her he and I are both seriously offended by this??? 

AutumnFair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-doesnt-want-meet-future-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:fad700f3-a323-47ae-98a3-d1c7839a1d06Post:4b790131-ac2d-439b-ac8c-e4b60a5caeee">mother doesnt want to meet my future family</a>:
[QUOTE]Help! My fiances parents and mine have never met. I was thinking about getting our immediate families together to meet. He is from a family of 8 and I have a family of 4. My mother asked what I had in mind and when i mentioned his siblings she said "i dont need to meet them". How do I tell her he and I are both seriously offended by this??? 
Posted by Slou22[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm not sure what kind of tone your mother said the quote you gave but in any case it sounds like she's not interested in meeting them just for the sake of knowing who they are. Besides engagement parties, most of the time when two families actually meet up is for birthday parties and some holiday events. I would assume that your mom would then meet your FI's family. She might be someone who is very shy at opening up to strangers and to be forced to meet his side may be uncomfortable for her. </div><div>
</div><div>If her tone was high and mighty like she is too good to get to know them then I would call her out and tell her that she will have to get to know his side because both families are now going to be connected and there will be events (oh lets say a wedding) that they will be there and will have to interact with them. </div>

lalap69

I don't know your mom so I can't really comment on why she said what she did.  Maybe start small and just have the parents meet first, then move on to the siblings?

bethsmiles

I don't see why she needs to meet all of his siblings, but anyways its not like she said she won't meet them. I say just go ahead with your plans and get over this its not that big of a deal

[Deleted User]

I don't really think she needs to meet all of his siblings. But your FI's parents might be a different story. Maybe your FI's parents can invite your parents to dinner or something. Don't worry, it will be ok. My parents didn't meet my IL's until the night we got engaged, what a way to meet. And my parents didn't meet his siblings and extended family until the wedding. Things are different than they used to be about everyone meeting before the wedding, etc.

Slou22

thank you all so much, I do agree she doesn't have to meet them right away. She is quite shy around new people. There will be plenty of opportunities throughout the whole wedding planning process. 

SSaltzman87

I don't see much reason for her to meet the siblings right away, so starting with just the parents is perfectly fine.

aerinpegadrak

My family had no interaction with his family until the day of the wedding.  Even at the wedding, they mostly stuck to their own groups.  I suppose if we all lived within any reasonable distance of each other, it would be more expected for them to have at least minimal social contact, but since we're scattered all over the country, the likelihood of them ever coming into contact with each other again is negligible.

I think she's absolutely right, she doesn't need to meet them.  They're YOUR future family, not hers.

gracenamwandi

Let the parents meet and then she can get to meet and get to know the siblings at the wedding and thereafter. Let her do it in her own time. If she didn't want to meet his parents, then that's a problem. She might even surprise you before the wedding by telling you that she'd like to meet them after all.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-doesnt-want-meet-future-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:fad700f3-a323-47ae-98a3-d1c7839a1d06Post:de5b3ecf-0458-4b44-b537-cd98c26f5029">Re: mother doesnt want to meet my future family</a>:
[QUOTE]Let the parents meet and then she can get to meet and get to know the siblings at the wedding and thereafter. Let her do it in her own time.<strong> If she didn't want to meet his parents, then that's a problem. </strong>She might even surprise you before the wedding by telling you that she'd like to meet them after all.
Posted by gracenamwandi@hotmail.com[/QUOTE]
Why?  I'm honestly curious.  DH's mom didn't attend our wedding, and so my parents haven't met her (and likely never will), yet nothing calamitous has occurred.

afloggie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-doesnt-want-meet-future-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:fad700f3-a323-47ae-98a3-d1c7839a1d06Post:4b790131-ac2d-439b-ac8c-e4b60a5caeee">mother doesnt want to meet my future family</a>:
[QUOTE]Help! My fiances parents and mine have never met. I was thinking about getting our immediate families together to meet. He is from a family of 8 and I have a family of 4. My mother asked what I had in mind and when i mentioned his siblings she said "i dont need to meet them". How do I tell her he and I are both seriously offended by this??? 
Posted by Slou22[/QUOTE]
My mom didnt meet my FIL's til the engagement party. She said she would meet them then. I tried to get them together sooner but my mom is very very very anti social.

sylvielicious

My mom isn't interested in meeting my M&FIL before the wedding because she sees no reason to.  My mom is in FL, FH's parents are in TX, and we are in MN.  There will be very limited occasions where they'll have to interact, besides the wedding itself.  I was kind of put off at first but I can see my mom's point too.