MIL being passive-aggressive...AGAIN...

DaughterOfHelaman2709

Got the wedding invitations last night; have to send them back, when they should have been in the mail last week.  Why?  My MIL has reverted to not speaking to me directly, and didn't tell me she was ordering them.  As a result, my mother's last name is spelled wrong, my middle name is spelled wrong, and the address on the temple invites is wrong. 

Since they had to go back, she won't pay for expedited shipping.  I offered.  I pleaded.  She said "No, this is my gift to you... and they'll get here when they get here."

Some gift. 

I realized I sound like a brat, but before you tell me so, please take a moment and put yourself in my shoes.  It's just a little over a month before your wedding.  Your notoriously passive-agressive MIL orders your invitations without your knowledge, and you therefore have no opportunities to proof them.  Because you didn't get to pay for them, when everything is wrong with them, you don't have a choice but to accept that it will be another week until they arrive corrected. 

My mom said it looks like she's doing everything she can to see how far she can push me before there isn't a wedding at all.  How sick is that? 

I'm taking lots of horseback rides, and lots of walks, but if I get much more tense, my horse is going to take off with me!  She doesn't like it when I'm stressed out either!

GeauxTigers17

Wow....if your wedding wasn't a month away, I'd advise you to stuff hers in the closet and just go order them on your own. Yikes.

I may be missing some background here, but I would just avoid accepting any "help" from her in the future because her holding money over you just gives her way too much power. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this - I don't blame you for being stressed out. However, I'd get your DF to handle her from now on. Once she realizes her son won't put up with her behavior, she may straighten out.

Edited to add that your horse is gorgeous and I'm super jealous because my grandmother gave mine to her trainer's daughter when I went to law school.

AutumnFair

I can understand the frustration, but this should have been your FI to talk to her. He needs to tell his mom "sorry mom, but the invitations need to get here as soon as possible. we will be paying for it to be here by expediate." 

She sounds like a peach with all her passive aggressive stuff she's done.

lisaandcorey

Do you have the money to go on etsy and find someone to rush your invites? If I were you, I would be working on that today! 

I would then send her one in the mail. 

BeeBee22

I don't think you sound like a brat.  It's ridiculous that she didn't email you or her own son the proofs to check the spelling.  That's not just rude, it's simply not common sense.

I agree with PP that your FI needs to talk to her.  It sounds as if FI will need to practice standing up to her if she's this much of a P/A bi*ch about the wedding.... It's probably not going to end there. IF she's already ordered the "corrected" ones, it may be too late to change to expedited shipping. You could call the printer's and find out.  

I also agree about looking into rush substitutes of some sort.  What if they're still wrong next week? (sorry, but it's a scary point worth considering).

Or, you could sic your horse on her....?  Kidding...very sorry that you're dealing with this dynamic.  Yuck.

cyn1812000

So sorry to hear about that.  I can say that I understand a little bit, because my FMIL doesn't feel she knows me well enough she wouldn't provide us with a guest list or addresses until she felt we had gone through "enough" pre-marital counseling. 

It got to the point FI and I had an argument that ended with me saying some not so nice things.  After that he stood up to her and things have gotten better.  I would just do as PP have said and let your FI handle the situation.

Hope it gets better for you soon!

jerseydevil

Wow! That sucks, sweetie. Take this as a lesson for the future - in my experience people don't change their behavior. Don't know the full story, but your FI should be dealing with this since she is his mother as PPs said.

Craft stores also have some lovely DIY invitation kits that don't run very expensive. Since your wedding is so soon I would DEFINITELY be printing off my own. Good luck and I hope this is the only part of the wedding she has any control over.

bosoxy

You are not a brat!  Not at all!  I would have been a brat about it if I were in your shoes (which are lovely by the way).  

Maybe you can go behind her back, call the printer, ask for a proof, give them your credit card to charge the shipping to AND have them sent to you.  There is no time left for error.

Good luck!

artbyallie

Ditto pps, your FI should deal with his mother.

Habs2Hart

Ditto PP's.  You aren't being a brat.  I would call the printers and go behind her back.  Provide a CC that will expidite things.  

THEN go get on your horse and just hack.  Don't try to work, just chill and take deep breathes.  Maybe go for a rip if you have appropriate footing and your horse likes that sort of thing.  I know mine does. 

RachelleH255

This close to the wedding you need to take the invitations into your own hands. Order different ones and expedite the shipping or DIY.   I have very controlling future in laws and money is a way they control us.  I feel for you in this situation but I agree with whoever said that don't accept "help" from her in the future beacuse she will take advantage of it.  Then I also agree with every bride who posted that your FI should be the one to stand up for you!