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Moms and Maids

Not close to my Mom?

     Long story, short my mother emotionally left the family when I was 12 and physically when I was 14, this left me the burden of caring for my confused father and younger sister. However badly she hurt me, I knew that she had a less than ideal childhood and left home at 15 and she was probably just terrified of raising teenagers. I didn't want to perpetuate the hateful cycle so decided to have compassion and stay in (distant) touch with her.
    My problem is since I've thought about being married I've wanted both parents to be present. I was elated that my mom *crossing my fingers* said she will attend! Unfortunately, we are still not very close, I call her about once every two weeks and she does not trust me (she thinks I'm a spy for my dad- after all these years) therefore I don't even know where she lives! All in all, I want her to be present but I do not want to include her in the ceremony...
       I know my dad expects to walk me down the aisle but I feel like by not including my mother in the ceremony I would be slapping her in the face... I don't want to hurt her but I really do think having her participate would be hurtful to me considering all the work I have put into our relationship over the last and how she still treats me.
Wedding Countdown Ticker

"So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday."~The Notebook~

Re: Not close to my Mom?

  • vicki0508vicki0508 member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Just get her a corsage and let her sit in the front row.  I'm not even sure what else mothers do during the ceremony, except maybe a unity candle or something.

    Edit - since your wedding isn't for another 2 years, you have  2 more years to work on your relationship.
  • edited December 2011
     I agree with Vicki. What did you want your mom to do during the ceremony? All my mom did was get a corsage and sat in the front row .
    Anniversary
  • edited December 2011
     I guess I thought that mom's had a bigger part in weddings like they help with the dressing and arrange the receiving line- I really need to go out and get a wedding book so I know these things... I've only been to three weddings and i guess I wasn't paying attention!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker

    "So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday."~The Notebook~
  • edited December 2011
    you could let her zip you up into your dress or put your pearls on or something. i know in many families the bmaids help the bride get into her dress but the mom does final touches like putting on a veil or handing her the bouquet or whatever. even if you're not close, having her help with one detail and then honoring her with a place in the front row should be enough to let her know you care.
  • mandi921vhmandi921vh member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I think you should just see how things go in the next two years... maybe your relationship will change and you will become closer to her. 
    image Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • edited December 2011
    You have time...work on the relationship if you want to and see where it is a couple of months out.
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
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