Texas-Dallas and Ft. Worth
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Engaged Encounter

Has anyone completed the Engaged Encounter weekend for the Catholic Church in Dallas?  My FI and I did it this weekend.  It was very interesting in that it guided you to discuss important topics that you will encounter in your marriage.  I learned from a few people there that they had not discussed some of those isues.  However, my FI and I really didn't come across anything new.

The problem is that we don't agree on a few things, and the weekend seemed very weak in helping you resolve those differences.

Has anyone else done this, and did you experience something similar or completely different?
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Michelle & Michael
Married - August '10
TTC - Since September 2011

Re: Engaged Encounter

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    juliebug1997juliebug1997 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The EE weekend didn't really help Bill and I resolve our differences---mainly his parents and my wish that he had been born an orphan.  :-)  However, the main thing that we walked away with was that it's important to communicate.  Not every issue is going to be resolved by EE and it's important to walk away from EE with this (IMO):  is this issue something that is a deal breaker for me?  Can we still communicate effectively and love each other and not let it consume our relationship?  If it is a deal breaker and you know that neither of you will change your minds, then there might be something to reconsider.  However, I would think that, if you got this far, then it might not be a deal breaker. 
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_engaged-encounter?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:f8473605-a6d1-4742-9818-f970da6dc477Post:911dc43c-ba09-4aad-a643-1ad72596a22f">Re: Engaged Encounter</a>:
    [QUOTE]mainly his parents and my wish that he had been born an orphan.  :-) 
    Posted by juliebug1997[/QUOTE]

    Haha.  I think this a lot.

    With the way you feel (that EE didn't cover your big areas), you could go to premarital counseling to hammer those out.  We did some class thing (not religious) and we left feeling like it didn't cover anything so we went to see a counselor because our big problem was his mom.  While it didn't solve everything over night, the insight that we gained is priceless. 
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    Jay+MarissaJay+Marissa member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Same here--we didn't see anything new, but we have been together for 6 years and talk about EVERYTHING! I agree it doesn't help you resolve the differences, but it does point out potential problems. I do agree the weekend was kind of weak overall.

    I'd highly recommend pre-marital counseling, and there are a couple Catholic counselors in the area. Diana Morin out of Coppell is one. My mother is also one, but she does phone counseling. I can dig up the others for you if you are interested.
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    msealemseale member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Thanks everyone.  I don't think we have any major differences, we have been together for almost 3 years, and talk about a lot of different things.  Our bigger problem is how we resolve the smaller issues, and that topic was 'quickly' slid past us, but not a focus this past weekend.

    I might see if we can see a counselor just for some tweaking, we'll see if we can fit it in before the wedding, but it may have to wait until after!

    Marissa - good luck on the wedding - 5 DAYS!!!!  Wa-hoo!
    Our last sunset in Hawaii...
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    Michelle & Michael
    Married - August '10
    TTC - Since September 2011
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    edited December 2011
    Just wanted to chime in - we were referred to a pre-marital counselor as part of our pre-marriage classes at our church. During that one two-hour session with just the two of us, she basically just asked us what issues we've run into so far, and we talked through them. A lot of the issues were minor - like division of chores and how we define a 'clean house' - but he was totally different telling a complete stranger about it than when I was 'nagging' him about it. Since the session, we've BOTH been way better about those exact things we talked about - it really resolved a lot of those things.

    We also talked about some tough stuff that we don't talk about on our own. I was amazed at how much I got out of it, and I won't hesitate to see her again if I feel like it.

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    lvasilenlvasilen member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Can anyone recommend where we could sign up for EE? We haven't been to church in TX yet, bad I know! But I am Catholic and FI is Lutheran and we would like to go.

    Also I would like to start a club for those who wished their FI was an orphan :)
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    msealemseale member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011

    We signed up through our church.  They gave us a packet to fill out and send in.  FI did it, so I don't have the information.  Sorry.

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    Michelle & Michael
    Married - August '10
    TTC - Since September 2011
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    edited December 2011
    I had basically the same experience as Julie (except I should be the orphan).  Similarly, we found some things we don't see eye-to-eye on, but we reinforced that we have been good communicators on those issues  -- when it came time to write about and discuss them, we basically wrote "I think this, FI will write this, this is how we've dealt with it" and we had very little to discuss further because we had reached a point of respectfully acknowledging the other's views and agreeing to disagree.  I guess the difference is when it's on an issue that you have to make a joint decision on (like family gatherings, or where to live, or family values).  If the disagreements are of that nature, the recommendations here for further discussion/counseling seem like good options.
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    Jay+MarissaJay+Marissa member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    There is sign-up info on the Diocese of Dallas website.

    I hope we can do a little counseling at some point, just for the reasons MarieSD mentioned. We just don't have the $$$ for it right now. As much as I love my mother and know she is a great therapist...she is still my mother and Jay's mother-in-law...makes it way different!
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    edited December 2011
    Jay+Marissa - I was just checking the business card I got from the woman we met with, and she has her own private "Life Coaching and Counseling" business. I can't find her rates on her websites but I was thinking that someone who bills themselves as a "marriage/life coach" might be more affordable & work with you on your budget. Life coaching can sound kind of cheesy, I think, but she wasn't at all.

    She's in FW, but let me know if anyone wants her website/name and I'll message you. I'm not advertising for her or anything. I just thought that one session with her was way better for us than any "date night" we've had in a long time.

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    Jay+MarissaJay+Marissa member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    That's good to hear...I'm kind of wary about "Life Coaches" in general though,--that usually means they aren't licensed My mom had to get a Masters, go through 2 years of mentorship, and take a crazy test in order to get her license (it's a crazy long process she is just now finishing up). But you can call yourself a "life coach" and not do any of it, be under a board, etc.  I'm glad she was good, though!
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    edited December 2011
    Our EE weekend was a complete waste of time. I actually threw away our booklets the other day, which were filled with doodles and tic tac toe games. Pathetic. Our leaders we had were later asked by the diocese to step down because there were so many complaints against them. I still get annoyed that I spend money on that entire ordeal.

    However, we did go through pre-marital with our Deacon that married us, which was by far better than EE. We both really enjoyed it.
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    dannag75dannag75 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hi! I was actually at EE as well this last weekend - 6/5-6/6. What a coincidence. We had the same experience - nothing was new - but good to talk about things and re-affirm where we stand.
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    Jay+MarissaJay+Marissa member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    which were filled with doodles and tic tac toe games.

    Bwahaha! I'm saving ours solely because of the great doodles on the "Confilct Management" page--I believe it is a picture of a crazed me and our future wild girl babies hunting down Jay on a bike...and then his wheel falls off on the next page.
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