OPEN INVITATION TO WEDDING CEREMONY, INTIMATE RECEPTION OR FAMILY DINNER

VRM5183

WOULD IT BE WRONG TO INVITE PEOPLE TO THE WEDDING CEREMONY AND HAVE A FAMILY ONLY RECEPTION? WE HAVE ALOT OF FAMILY AND FRIENDS THAT HAVE ASKED TO BE INVITED AND FEEL BAD NOT BEING ABLE TO HOST A RECEPTION TO ACCOMADATE EVERYONE.  WE WERE WONDERING IF IT BE OKAY TO INVITE MOST TO THE WEDDING THAT WAY THEY DO NOT FEEL LEFT OUT.  THIS IS OUR 2ND MARRIAGE AND OUR FUNDS ARE LIMITED.

quotequeen

Stop shouting.

It is very rude to invite people to the ceremony and not the reception.  The reception is a thank you to your guests for taking the time to witness your ceremony.

gabbyjo

My mom had the same problem when she remarried.  I think it is fine to have a different guest list for the reception.  Mom did and it was fine.  People do understand.

aerinpegadrak

Caps lock off, please.

The reception is a means of thanking those who witnessed the ceremony.  Thanking some and not others when all have done the same thing is just about as rude as it gets.

elizabethm4

I agree, you can NOT do this. You should have a cheaper reception so that you can invite everyone or you should not invite them at all. I vote have a cheaper reception, consider only drinks and cake or something like that. There's tons of budget options that do not involve breaking one of the biggest wedding etiquette rules there is.

luckyme502

No, you should not invite anyone to the ceremony that you are not inviting to the reception.  It is rude.

vsgal

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_open-invitation-wedding-ceremony-intimate-reception-family-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:0aab2918-6f9c-4e8b-a56b-eb1aacfe544bPost:f7ef5f5a-186b-475f-9a7c-644982419605">Re: OPEN INVITATION TO WEDDING CEREMONY, INTIMATE RECEPTION OR FAMILY DINNER</a>:
[QUOTE]My mom had the same problem when she remarried.  I think it is fine to have a different guest list for the reception.  Mom did and it was fine.  People do understand.
Posted by gabbyjo[/QUOTE]


People do not understand being good enough to come to the ceremony, but not good enough to attend the reception. They told you it was fine because nobody will say anything to your face.  I guarantee that they were side-eyeing and talking about it behind her back.

OP, this is very rude.  Do not do this.  If you can't afford a reception for ALL your wedding guests, then you have to cut the invite list or do something that you can afford.  Cake and punch at 2:00 is fine.  You cannot invite to one event and not the other.  It looks gift-grabby and bridezillish.

tldh

Have a cake and punch reception for all of the guests your are inviting to the wedding if that is all you can afford.  To do what you are proposing is the height of rudeness and people are not understanding about it.  They are just polite enough to not make an issue out of it or call you on it.

EDIT -  sorry vsgal.  Didn't read through the posts before answering this one otherwise I would have just dittoed yours.  much better answer.

trix1223

All caps is the internet equivalent of shouting at us.  Please don't. 

What you are suggesting is very, very poor form.  I can't imagine being asked to take time from my day, dressing up, traveling to your ceremony, buying you a gift, and then, after your 20 minute ceremony having the officiant say "The bride and groom want to thank everyone for being here.  Have a safe trip home."

You really need to receive your guests.  It doesn't have to be the big sit-down dinner, open bar, dj and dancing, 7 tier wedding cake, bouquet tossing extravaganza.  It can be cake and punch on the lawn of the church after the ceremony is done.

If finances are tight, you either cut the guest list to only those you're taking to dinner, or have the much smaller (cake and punch) reception.

Pirata13

No no no!!!!  You cannot invite several people to the wedding and not to the reception.  You'll have to politely explain that since it is a second marriage for both and you are on a very limited budget, you are only having an intimate ceremony and reception for a handful of family and friends.

MISSCOURTNEY20

I once went to a wedding where they didn't invite everyone to the reception but the couple did have a cake reception at the church for their guests. It was fine. I don't even know if the people who were not invited to the reception even knew.

gabbyjo

Geeezzzzzzzzzzz.  Slam me already.  Hey, I'm new here.  It looks like this bridezilla thing is all over these boards.  Let me explain.  My mom didn't have a sit down dinner reception, she just had family gather at the house after the wedding.  I guess I called that a reception.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_open-invitation-wedding-ceremony-intimate-reception-family-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:0aab2918-6f9c-4e8b-a56b-eb1aacfe544bPost:9a551938-c4e5-4c6a-bc1a-ef27c4b12309">Re: OPEN INVITATION TO WEDDING CEREMONY, INTIMATE RECEPTION OR FAMILY DINNER</a>:
[QUOTE]Geeezzzzzzzzzzz.  Slam me already.  Hey, I'm new here.  It looks like this bridezilla thing is all over these boards.  Let me explain.  My mom didn't have a sit down dinner reception, she just had family gather at the house after the wedding.  I guess I called that a reception.
Posted by gabbyjo[/QUOTE]

Gabby:  relax.  No one slammed you at all.  No one was a bridezilla at all.  People were pointing out that it's rude to invite people to a ceremony and then not "receive them" (hence the name reception) after the ceremony.

In fact, every single post was to help the OP avoid even the appearance of being a bridezilla.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_open-invitation-wedding-ceremony-intimate-reception-family-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:0aab2918-6f9c-4e8b-a56b-eb1aacfe544bPost:9a551938-c4e5-4c6a-bc1a-ef27c4b12309">Re: OPEN INVITATION TO WEDDING CEREMONY, INTIMATE RECEPTION OR FAMILY DINNER</a>:
[QUOTE]Geeezzzzzzzzzzz.  Slam me already.  Hey, I'm new here.  It looks like this bridezilla thing is all over these boards.  Let me explain.  My mom didn't have a sit down dinner reception, she just had family gather at the house after the wedding.  I guess I called that a reception.
Posted by gabbyjo[/QUOTE]

<div>No one slammed you.  They simply pointed out that your suggestion would actually be quite rude, and advised OP not to do it, lest she embarrass herself.</div><div>
</div><div>A gathering at the house after the wedding IS a reception, and every single person invited to the ceremony should be invited to whatever reception you have.</div><div>
</div><div>Many of the women on these boards are here to help.  A bridezilla would be the person who treats her guests so badly as to exclude them from part of the day.  A woman who helps another woman avoid looking selfish or greedy does not a bridezilla make.  You need to get over your defensiveness and read the posts for what they are: good, helpful advice to the OP.  </div>