Couple from traditional families wants non-trad wedding

hudzis13

My FH and I come from more traditional families (religiously speaking), but when we went off to college, our beliefs changed. Our dream wedding would be very non-traditional, with casting a circle, hand-fasting, the whole nine yards. The problem is, our families would flip if our wedding was actually like this. I don't want to give up having a wedding in my new faith, but I don't want to alienate my parents. Am I being selfish? What do we do now? Sarah

Leah&Christian09

That's the beauty of paying for your own wedding.  You can do anything (within reason) you want.  Sorry you don't like it mom and dad, but we are adults and we've chosen the wedding that fits us and our personalities best.  I hope you'll get over your difference of opinion and bring yourself to attend, but if you cannot, we understand. When they see that you aren't budging, they'll get over it.

kellyeda1stnoel

I gave up my dream wedding for a beautiful wedding that my family will be a part of. I wanted a non-traditional wedding at the local Renaissance Festival with a handfasting ceremony, but it would be too difficult to have my family be a part of that and my grandparents would be unlikely to come. So now I am having a very traditional wedding that will make my family happy. And in a couple of years most likely our 5 year anniversary we are going to renew our vows with a couple of friends at ren fest. We will do the hand-fasting ceremony then, and spend the rest of the day drinking mead and having fun. I am very happy with my situation and will be happy to marry the love of my life. Really, it is up to you. Talk to your family about it. Tell them the origins of the ceremony style and incorporate traditional elements into it. Really it just depends on if you want family involvement. I know I did and am happy with my decision. Good luck deciding and congrats.

[Deleted User]

You are not being selfish, it's your wedding. As long as you don't say screw you mom, dad, and granny your thoughts and beliefs are a load of sh*t, then IMO you're fine. However there are parts of my wedding I just said fine to my mom because it was easier then fighting with her.

phoeny_moonstar

My officiant cast the circle before/as the guests were arriving and I had my DOC keep people away from it. He then kept part of the circle open for the WP and I to walk through, he closed it and then we had our ceremony. It can be done subtly. Lots of good information on google.

handfast4me

google "Subtle Handfasting."  there are great ways to stay in the broom closet while having the ceremony your way.  Isn't it a shame that we, as Pagans, must bow to others'  fears of the unknown?  Also, a lot of Unitarian Universalist churches have Pagan (CUUPS) chapters, and they can also advise you, and could have a minister marry you who will understand your dilemma.  We chose to have a private handfasting ceremony (in Ga it's not legal, because the high priestess and priest aren't attached to a building.  No kidding. You have to be a minister at a church with a building.) and then had our legal wedding after the traditional year and one day.

aesthyerin

We will be incorporating a handfasting into our wedding. We are going to have a woman from our circle do it, but our officiant will still be saying all the words. It's going to be enough things that our pagan friends will noticed, but will just look interesting to the rest of our guests.

ffmaid

FYI I am very traditional. However if you and FI both share a faith whatever that faith is you should follow it in your wedding. your wedding is the first event of your new family and you should start as you mean to go on in your families religious life. So if you plan on being practicing pagan you should absolutely do a ceremoney that reflects and honors that. Whatever religion of lack of religion represnts the family you are forming by your marriage should be the wedding ceremoney. Personally I would respect someone who follows their own beliefs even if the traditions are not what I was comfortable with much more then someone who makes a mockery of my traditional views by doing a wedding that way that did not fit thier belief. So stay true to your belief system whatever that is. Perhaps you can incorporate aspects that are true to your belief but if casting a circle and handfasting has meaning for you you should absolutely do it. It would be absolutely not honoring your new family to fail to do so and it would sell your current families short that they could not accept you for who you are.

lilcassers

Please make your own decision. It is YOUR wedding, they already had theirs! If someone chooses not to come because of that, i'm sorry, but they don't care about you that much. Good luck and pleae follow your heart.

handfast4me

The issue is that so many who are not Pagans do not understand that it is a nature-based religion.  And many Christian churches have encouraged the erroneous belief that Paganism is devil worship.  So, those that may hear the word "pagan" or Wiccan" will think that everyone's going to be in a big, dark room, sacrificing goats, and men in goat masks.   Those of us not in the broom closet (I have several pentacles on my car) get harrassed by Christians.  For example, I occasionally get notes left on my car that say something like  "jesus hearts you"  I have never left a note on a car with one of those little fish on it.  Although it's been tempting!  :-)