FI wants to spend night before wedding apart, I don't..

Knottie_22382496

FI and I have never been married before. He never thought he would get married until he met me. He doesn't know too much about wedding planning, etc.

I don't want to spend the night before the wedding apart, mainly because we love being together, and I don't sleep well without him.
He says we should spend it apart, as that's "traditional". Somehow he has that glued in his mind.

Now he is mad at me. Another reason why I want to spend it together, it because our rehersal dinner is at 5:30 and we will be providing food, and cleaning up, etc, also my hair dresser on the wedding day is only 20 min from our house, and if I stay with family, it will be 40 min away and appt is at 8.

Should I just say we will spend it apart and aviod the arguement?

rooinvt

FI and I have never been married before. He never thought he would get married until he met me. He doesn't know too much about wedding planning, etc.

I don't want to spend the night before the wedding apart, mainly because we love being together, and I don't sleep well without him.
He says we should spend it apart, as that's "traditional". Somehow he has that glued in his mind.

Now he is mad at me. Another reason why I want to spend it together, it because our rehersal dinner is at 5:30 and we will be providing food, and cleaning up, etc, also my hair dresser on the wedding day is only 20 min from our house, and if I stay with family, it will be 40 min away and appt is at 8.

Should I just say we will spend it apart and aviod the arguement?</~root~>

itzMS

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_fi-wants-to-spend-night-before-wedding-apart-i-dont?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:394f1b2e-c8ae-4427-88be-d764e3568ecfPost:0d2227c1-4024-4b84-8afb-0e8c1e4325fb">FI wants to spend night before wedding apart, I don't..</a>:
[QUOTE]FI and I have never been married before. He never thought he would get married until he met me. He doesn't know too much about wedding planning, etc. I don't want to spend the night before the wedding apart, mainly because we love being together, and I don't sleep well without him. He says we should spend it apart, as that's "traditional". Somehow he has that glued in his mind. <strong>Now he is mad at me.</strong> Another reason why I want to spend it together, it because our rehersal dinner is at 5:30 and we will be providing food, and cleaning up, etc, also my hair dresser on the wedding day is only 20 min from our house, and if I stay with family, it will be 40 min away and appt is at 8. Should I just say we will spend it apart and aviod the arguement?
Posted by rooinvt[/QUOTE]

I really hope you're exaggerating.

You shouldn't get kicked out of your own house, especially if you live together and it's convenient to you.

If he wants to stay elsewhere, that's his problem to deal with.

Knottie_22382496

I think he just has no idea about anything when it comes to weddings!

He says he's only getting married once, and wants everything to be traditional.

misssunshine17

Can you sleep in your house but stay in separate rooms? Also, why can't HE stay somewhere else then?

Knottie_22382496

We have a 1 bedroom house. His only reasoning for this is because he thinks it's traditional. I guess I can stay with my parents, it's just I didn't want to lug everything from our house, to theirs, etc. Oh well, just wanted some opinions. Hardly worth arguing about.

AdeleDazeem

Heh.  I'd tell him that there enough traditions and you're probably hitting most of them, so why get so hung up on this one?

My husband and I spent the night before and most of our wedding day together.  Our ceremony was at 6pm and we parted ways about 3pm.  Tell your fiance that our two year marriage is wonderful, happy, and everything in between so we haven't (yet) cursed ourselves with badness!

Knottie_22382496

Thanks ladies! I'm sure this topic will be brought up a few nights before the wedding, and if he still says he wants to spend it apart, I will stay with my parents..

GoodLuckBear14

Tell him it's also traditional for the man to hit the couch after a fight and leave the bed to his wife.

SlothGoals

Seriously, why can't he stay somewhere else? If he want's to spend the night apart then he should find somewhere else to stay.

s-aries8990

he should spend the night somewhere else if he wants to spend it apart. It would be a huge inconvenience to you and guys have a lot less crap to coordinate on their wedding day (makeup, hair, dress, etc).

And cool it with the "he's only doing this once" thing - the vast majority of people plan on getting married only once, it's just that life happens unexpectedly (divorce, death, etc.)

Peledreamsofrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_fi-wants-to-spend-night-before-wedding-apart-i-dont?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:394f1b2e-c8ae-4427-88be-d764e3568ecfPost:979e7f82-1fc3-4ea3-ace3-83245d693574">Re: FI wants to spend night before wedding apart, I don't..</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks ladies! I'm sure this topic will be brought up a few nights before the wedding, and if he still says he wants to spend it apart, I will stay with my parents..
Posted by rooinvt[/QUOTE]

<div>If he really wants to stick to tradition, he would have asked his parents to pick a wife for him when he was like 17.  And his wife would have been a girl he would have only seen in a portrait once.</div><div>
</div><div>This 'tradition' he's talking about developed because of the above way of doing things in..oh... the 1600s.  The bride and groom were not allowed to see one another before the wedding on purpose.  People said it was to 'preserve the brides purity', but here's the truth:  </div><div>
</div><div>It's the same reason for the bride's veil.  Not everyone looks like a supermodel, and the artists who sent portraits of the 'intentended' often fudged details of the features to compliment them more. When the families were deciding on the matches, they didn't truely know what each kid looked like.</div><div>
</div><div>So, the bride and groom literally did not meet until they were face to face at the altar.  At that point, it's too late to go "OMG YOU ARE HIDEOUS!  No way, peace I'm out!".  Too much scandal and public embarrassment is on the line.</div><div>
</div><div>So the next time your FI has a snit, politely infom him that you are far too attractive to have to worry about such things on your wedding day, tyvm.</div>

Knottie_22382496

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_fi-wants-to-spend-night-before-wedding-apart-i-dont?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:394f1b2e-c8ae-4427-88be-d764e3568ecfPost:8e4fa869-ec0a-4118-8ae7-5c8b812522c6">Re: FI wants to spend night before wedding apart, I don't..</a>:
[QUOTE]he should spend the night somewhere else if he wants to spend it apart. It would be a huge inconvenience to you and guys have a lot less crap to coordinate on their wedding day (makeup, hair, dress, etc). And cool it with the "he's only doing this once" thing - the vast majority of people plan on getting married only once, it's just that life happens unexpectedly (divorce, death, etc.)
Posted by sydaries[/QUOTE]


HE is the one that sais he's only doing this once, not me. He should cool it, lol.

winelover123

To tell you the truth, I haven't even thought of this so I have no idea what FI and myself will do. There isn't a right or a wrong way. I'd tell your FI that if he wants to spend the night apart, he gets to find a bed elsewhere. I wouldn't want to lug all of my wedding stuff around and go further away from the hairdresser. Maybe if you present the logistics of staying in separate houses he'll give this idea up. Or he'll go find a bed elsewhere and not inconvenience you. He could always sleep on the couch too if this is something really important to him.

s-aries8990

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_fi-wants-to-spend-night-before-wedding-apart-i-dont?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:394f1b2e-c8ae-4427-88be-d764e3568ecfPost:dafe1adc-b3c5-4e89-88c2-1031084d6d6f">Re: FI wants to spend night before wedding apart, I don't..</a>:
[QUOTE]I just wanted to note that I don't think your fiance is ridiculous for requesting this. Some people like the traditions, some don't. It doesn't make him a moron or anything. I just think he needs to find a place to stay if it's his choosing.
Posted by scribe95[/QUOTE]

Same here. Ideally, I think that's what I would want when the time comes, but because it's <em>his </em>request and is actually a large inconvenience, <em>he</em> should be willing to do the "leg work" for it.

AddieCake

I agree it's no big deal if he wants to stay apart, but then he should be the one to leave.

rel1988

Agree with most PP. I wouldn't take it personally if it's important for you two to spend the night apart, but if it is what he wants he should leave especially since it's easier for your morning routine to be at home.

We aren't sure what we are doing. We don't have a huge preference either way, but if we do spend the night apart FI would be the one staying the night at a friend's. I think some relaxing alone-time, in a huge bubble bath sounds fastastic to me.

mcda04

Traditionally; the bride and groom didn't see each other before the wedding because they didn't live together so they would each leave from their parents house.

When I got married; the priest didn't mention anything about not sleeping together but last week during our RCIA, the instructor told the couple, they should sleep in seperate rooms from the time she receives her Confirmation and the wedding. This was because by living in cohabitation and having pre-marital sex, they are living in sin.

If your Fi wants to sleep elsewhere and a seperate room is not good enough; then he should go to his parents.

My H and I slept in the same bed, he left to my in laws at 8 am when my hair dresser arrived.

Jen4948

If he really wants to be traditional, you and he should not be acquainted, let alone living in the same house, before your wedding day.  Tell him that if he wants to be separated the night before, he is the one who will need to leave the house.

[Deleted User]

We spent the night before apart because my husband also wanted to do things traditional even though we had already been living together for a year & he was previously married. He had done JP first time around and he wanted all the traditional stuff this time. So I figured, he didn't ask for much when it came to planning so I gave in. I found a cute B&B that was right by my hair salon so it worked out. Plus I figured when our dogs get up at 5:30 AM, he got the pleasure of dealing with them. To be honest, it was nice to have some me time to relax & be away from everyone & clear my head (I do have aniexty issues too so I needed to focus on stress relief). I would vote for go with his request but just explain to him that since your home is closer to where you need to be the next morning, could he find someone else's home (or even a hotel) to stay at so that way you don't have as much driving around to do on your wedding day. Hopefully he'll agree to why it makes sense for you to stay in the home & he gets what he wants & you get partially what you want.

cbrown828

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_fi-wants-to-spend-night-before-wedding-apart-i-dont?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:394f1b2e-c8ae-4427-88be-d764e3568ecfPost:21be9acf-5e17-4ce6-b7a2-6f445ee961a8">Re: FI wants to spend night before wedding apart, I don't..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FI wants to spend night before wedding apart, I don't.. : This.   H wanted to observe this tradition as well, and while I think PPs are being a bit harsh in judging him wanting this, if HE wants to be apart then HE should stay elsewhere.  Problem solved.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

All of this. We are spending the night apart because I want to have a sleepover with my sister and cousin in the hotel, not because of tradition. I am sure I will leave all my things at the house and pick them up between hair/makeup and going to the church.

Weezy56

I agree with PPs that there is no right or wrong on this one. If that's what he wants though, then HE needs to leave. It was also very important to me to not spend the night together the night before our wedding, and F didn't care either way. So I was the one who stayed elsewhere while he stayed in our home.

OliveOilsMom

OP - so many similarities between my H & your FI.  H was basically clueless about wedding stuff and prior to meeting me - he also thought that he wouldn't get married at all.  We also have a 1 bedroom house!  Anyway - H could have cared less about this tradition, but I wanted it and he was fine with it.  I stayed in our home since that's where I was getting ready and he stayed at his mom's house where he would be getting ready the next day.

I agree with PP, that since your FI is so insistant upon this tradition that he be the one to stay elsewhere for the night.  Tell him your fine with spending the night apart, then also ask him where is he going to stay because you are staying in your house.

Chaneltara

MY FI will be spending the night in an apartment with his bestman and my father and brother. So they can get ready together and go to the church. I will be staying at home since I have more stuff and children. It totally makes more sense for him to be the one that goes.

crysspears

What if his family doesnt live near/ in the town..

how about you both check into a hotel? its fair and u both can have fun pre partying with your BMs/ GMs

MsYeck

My fiancée also wants me o do this a few days before the wedding and I'm fine with it. I figure if this is one of fewti gs he is adamant on in wedding planning I'm lucky since just about everything else is my idea.

SP29

I think it's fine if this is a tradition that he wants to observe, BUT then he should be the one to leave, not you.