Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Deceased father - some questions

My father passed away about 2 years ago, in fact, I met my fiance' right after he passed away.

The question keeps coming up in my family about "Who will give me away".  I'm not very close with my brother, but he has offered.  My mom also offered.

I don't want to offend anyone, but my fiance and I are 100% paying for our own wedding and I really don't feel like anyone needs to "give me away".  I'm 32, very independent and I would be 100% okay strutting down the aisle by myself.  Is that okay to turn down everyone's request? 

Also, there is the matter of the "Father/Daughter dance".  My fiance' offered to cut out the Mother/Son dance, but I don't want him to have to - they are very close.  Would it be appropriate if my DJ announces "in lieu of the Father/Daughter dance, Christine would like to honor her Dad by having everyone join her in dancing to her favorite song"?  My favorite song in the whole wide world is POUR SOME SUGAR ON ME and I think that everyone I know relates that song to me.  I also went to my first Def Leppard concert with my Dad, so it has some meaning there too...

Sorry for the long post.  Thanks!!!
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Re: Deceased father - some questions

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    You don't have to walk down the aisle with anyone. You could walk alone or both your and your husband to be walk together. The latter is becoming more and more popular these days. However, only you can make that decision on who you want to walk with or who you don't. The whole idea of giving the bride away is outdated and an old custom for a lot of people, so don't worry about having to follow all the old rules.

    Don't make your FI dance with his mother if he doesn't want to, regardless of how close they are. I am not sure about the in lieu of father/daughter dance, it seems a bit weird. Who would dance with you, the first man that made his way to the dance floor? Why not just do a dedication song to him with maybe you and your new husband dancing or just you out there on the floor by yourself?
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    There's nothing wrong with walking yourself down the aisle.  If that's what you want you are perfectly within your rights to decline offers to walk you.

    As for the parent/child dances, I agree that your FI shouldn't have to cut his mother/son dance, and I think it's nice that you want him to have it.  However, I think that having people dance to your favourite song to honour your dad is a little silly.  Just put the song on your must play list, I don't really see what it has to do with your dad.  I don't think it's necessary to do anything to replace the father/daughter dance, but if it's really important to you, I'd do something more subtle, like asking the DJ to play your dad's favourite song.  You would know what it meant.
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    I somewhat have the same problem as you. My father isnt deceased but he hasnt ever been in my life. I have no clue as to who will walk me down the isle or if I will walk alone..But i think the song in memory of your father is a good idea! I'd choose a song you both loved, but if that song has meaning to it then go for it girl!
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    My father is deceased too, but we've decided to just skip that dance and I will just dance with my new husband.  I know I'd cry through anything we did for my dad anyway.

    I really like that song, too.  It's awesome  It rocks. I love Def Leppard.  But... if you really listen to the words, it's kind of (okay... really) inappropriate for a father/daughter thing.  Really inappropriate.
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    If you don't mention the father/daughter dance, I doubt people will miss it, since everyone there will likely know your father has passed. But I do enjoy the idea of getting the party started with that song, and it's a nice way to honor your dad!

    Kinda gotta work out whether people will be offended not to walk you down the aisle with them. Even, nay especially, with dads in the picture, it's complicated. I encourage you to stand up for walking alone since there's no clear person you'd choose. If they pressure you so that you're uncomfortable, saying both that you're an adult and that you don't want anyone doing something your father should have might shut them up.
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    I'm in a similar boat, my father passed 3yrs ago & I know I'm going to be a mess thinking about him the entire time esp when it comes to missing elements he would have otherwise been a part of, but my fiance is very close to his mom as well so I would never want to take that moment away from them either. Quite the conundrum.
    I think ANYTHING that would be meaningful to you in lieu of the dance will be wonderful & you should draw as much or little attention as you would like while you honor him. It could be an obvious tribute w/ your mc announcing this is a song for your dad while you rock out as the center of attention, or it could be as simple as you having a reflective moment on the side while thinking about him.
    Don't worry about people here saying it would be weird or silly, your dad will be enjoying the moment from above, the loved ones surrounding you at your wedding will understand what it means to you, and YOU will be able to have that special moment to cherish and that is all that matters.
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    OP, my father was gone for 10 years when i too married at the age of 32.  i chose to walk down the aisle together with my FI.  i despise the symbolism of being given away, and even if my father had been alive, i most likely would have chosen to walk  with FI. 
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    I just got engaged 12/11/10 and my dad passed away 10/21/10.  I was a definte daddys girl and I know that no matter what I do on my wedding day I will be a mess but I want to make sure he is as much a part of it as I can make him. So since my dad, my brother and I were always very close I am going to have my brother walk me down the aisle. As for the father/daughter dance my brother and I are going to dance to mine and my dads song, Unforgettable by Nat King Cole and have the dj announce that it is in rememberance of our dad. (My dad was sick for a long time and I have done a lot of preparing myself for him not being there before I got engaged so that is how I already know what I want to do)

      I think that if you don't have anyone you want to walk you down the aisle then by all means walk yourself down!!! There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.  If your fi wants to have his dance with his mom go ahead and let him and just omit the father/ daughter dance. LIke a previous post said....the majority of people at your wedding will know that your dad is deceased and I think they would understand. If not then oh well it is your day and you should do what ever makes you feel the best!

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