Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

"Merging the families"....

In the weddings I have attended in the past there is a sort of "merging of the families" in examples of the bride and groom taking candles that were lit by the respective families and then lighting a center candle or the whole sand thing....does anyone have any other ideas?? In our venue you can't have candles or's a historical building so they are all uptight about the preservation - which is understandable. I just can't come up with any other ideas for this tradition...

Re: "Merging the families"....

  • You do know that you don't have to have any "unity" type thing, right?  I believe that the whole wedding is a unity ceremony, so candles, roses, sand, etc. could all just be considered redundant.

    FWIW:  A wedding isn't really "merging two families".  It's the merging of two people from different families, but the two families don't really "merge".

    Two of my children are married now, and their spouses' families are my kids' new family, but not at all mine.  They are my childrens' in-laws.

    I adore my own BIL (my sister's DH) beyond measure, but I have seen his family exactly twice in 30 years:  at their wedding, and at my niece's wedding in May.

    Do you see what I'm saying?  Oh-and my DD was married in July and they didn't have a "unity" anything and her ceremony was just beautiful.  You'll still be just as married without pouring sand into a jar as the couple who does pour sand.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • Maybe you can find something more cultural to do. I am Polish and there is a Polish blessing that I plan on doing at the reception that involves both sets of parents. GL!
  • Thanks for all the great ideas! I know I don't have to have the unity thing...would like to keep all options open though. jma1983 - I like the rose petal idea...unique! 
  • I saw a video teaser of one of the brides on here, I don't remember which one it was, or how I even got there, but they were both artists and mixed two colors of paint together. Their ceremony was outside, though. Your place may not like the paint either. It looked really nice though.

  • I read somewhere, probably on here, about someone who was doing a different type of wine ceremony. You and FI write letters to each other but dont read, the moms hand you bottles of wine, and you put the letters and wine into a decorative box or chest of some sort. Then if you ever consider divorce, or on a certain anniversary you choose, you can open the box and read the letters and remember your wedding day! I thought that was a unique idea.
  • Don't assume all the members will be happy about merging.  The wedding ceremony is for you and your FI, not your children.  I personally dislike the unity gimmicks - NMS.  Talk to the members of your family about what THEY would be comfortable with.  If they don't want to participate in vows, or medallions, or sand, petals, etc. etc. then don't make them.  Maybe they would like to read something, or just be part of the WP and stand with you and FI.
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  • Well..though a Unity Ceremony isn't seems some people are confused about what it stands for. The MOG and MOB both light a candle (in the traditional Unity Ceremony) and the bride and groom take the candle lit by their mother and light the center. It represents the two people becoming joined as one..and also the two people from two different families coming into one family..kind of just like she said..merging of families. Not necessarily to mean that the mothers of the B&G should be best friends and hang out...but that because of this marriage the families are linked. But anyways....the rose petal idea sounds cute..but I think you should do something that relates to you and your fi..maybe culturally etc.
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  • I like the idea of doing some kind of ritual to symbolize the merging of the families. I agree with the pp that it's not about the two families becoming best friends, but the marriage is linking the families together in an important way.

    If your venue has a lot of restrictions preventing you from mixing together things like sand, fire, or water, one option would be a type of handfasting ceremony, like this:
    BFP on Jan. 18; EDD Oct. 1
    EDD Oct. 1image
  • I agree with a previous poster who said that the whole wedding is a unity ceremony so doing the unity candle or anything like it is redundant. Personally my FI and I decided to skip it. You dont have to have one and no will miss it.
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