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Customs and Traditions

Did HE see your dress?

My fiance and I live together..... and our wedding is VERY nontraditional.... We are not getting ready together the day of our wedding but we are taking pictures together before the ceremony.....   I did get a traditional wedding gown and I ordered it online. It was just delivered and my question is.......  is it REALLY that big of a deal for the groom to see the dress before hand? I am NOT that superstitious but I do think there is something special about that first time you see eachother on your wedding day.... BUT it wont be the full affect as I wont have my hair and make up and veil on.... so I just am looking for opinions..... thanks:)

Re: Did HE see your dress?

  • DH and I lived together before the wedding, and there was absolutely no place for me to keep my dress outside of my house, so I made peace with the fact that he might see the dress before the wedding.

    However, it turned out that he really wanted the dress to be a surprise, so he never looked. A few times I had friends or something over that wanted to see the dress when he was home, and if he heard that I was going into the bedroom closet for it, he'd actually shut the door and tell us not to open it again until the dress was back in the closet completely covered up again, lol.

    If you don't want him to see the dress, get an opaque garment bag and wrap the bag in a sheet. The place I bought my dress from suggested doing this with white/ivory gowns anyway to prevent any kind of discoloring, but it definitely keeps the dress hidden from sight as well as light Smile

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  • He really wants to see it. and I was up in the air about it.... I think I am going to let him:) Thanks for the feedback!!!
  • We lived together before we got married and I stored the dress in our spare room. DH knew what was my dream dress and when I came home from dress shopping he asked if I got it. I said yes and that was the end of it. He was fine seeing a picture of it but he did not want to see me in it until the day of te wedding.
     
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  • My husband saw the dress on an anorexic 12 year old on the sales website, but not on me until the wedding day.  Needless to say, the effect was quite different - almost like seeing it for the very first time.
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  • My H saw a picture of my dress because I was having dress regret and I knew he would be honest about the style so I showed it to him. He didn't see me in it until the ceremony though.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    My dress hung in our closet for a year w/o a peek from him. He refused to know any detail of it and wouldn't even look at my shoes or jewelry.
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  • I asked my husband if he wanted to see my dress.  I had no qualms about showing him.  He insisted no.  Okay, then.
  • I also live with my fiance, and have for about 3 1/2 years and Im still doing everything traditional just because its how I pictured it to always be for my wedding. I dont want him to see my dress ( I will prob keep it at my mas, also because we have a dog and I dont want hair anywhere near it!), we are sleeping apart the night before and I dont want to see him until those church doors open!! Its all up to you and what you guys want to do, ask him what he wants to do and go from there.
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    We were a bit nontraditional in some aspects of the wedding planning, however the dress was one thing I didn't want him to see before the wedding.  I'm glad we kept that a surprise.
  • edited December 2012
    I don't feel that strongly about him NOT seeing it (this time-I'm a second time bride). I won't go out of my way to make sure he does, but I just don't think it's that big of a deal.
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  • He did not. He was in the room with it in the bag a few times and never even tried to peek.

    We did a first look and seeing his face for that was one of the best parts of the day!
  • He hasn't seen me in the dress, but he's seen pictures of me in the dress and he's seen the dress in the closet.  I honestly could care less if he saw me in the dress, but he doesn't seem to want to.

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  • Mine isn't in yet, but he's seen pictures and he'll see it when it's here. He'll probably even see it on me before the wedding. We're just neither of us worked up bout it being a surprise at all, but that's how we are. We're staying together the night before and seeing eachother beforehand too.

    If you do let him see it, be prepared for reactions from others. When just about everybody finds out I'm letting fi see the dress, and that he helped pick it out I get some pretty emphatic reations that it's SUCH bad luck and we'll regret it. I think it's silly and everyone should do what they want!
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  • My husband didn't want to see it or know any details about it.   When we watched wedding shows on TVs and saw hideous dresses, I would joke and say something like, "Oh my gosh, you mean you don't like that?  Now I need a new dress...."   Seriously though, the only thing I told him about my dress was that it was white.  He didn't want to know anything else.

    My point is that it is entirely up to the two of you to decide if he sees the dress or not.  It won't invalidate your marriage if he does. It's entirely a matter of personal preference.
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  • My dress is in a garment bag in our spare room and he swears he won't peek. We're both terrible at surprises so if we pull this off without him ever seeing it before the wedding it'll be a miracle. We're getting ready separately and he won't see me until I'm walking down the aisle =)
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  • It doesn't matter if your FI sees your dress for the first time now or on the day of your wedding.  My FI did not see my dress until about an hour before the ceremony, when we had our walk-through with the minister and attendants.
  • He saw a cell phone picture of me in it and he saw it in the bag. It might be easiest for him to be the one who learns to bustle it but I'm undecided on him seeing me in it. The effect will be different when I'm all gussied up, and he'll think I'm beautiful regardless of if it's the first or tenth time he sees me in it.
  • Nope- and I didn't see his suit either. He didn't want me to hang around at the store while he shopped with his best man and I kept it at my sister's place and then our spare bedroom. There's lots of people who don't see the groom at all on the wedding day and there's people who don't let the groom see but then do a first look. We had breakfast together the day of the wedding and then didn't see each other until the ceremony. Whatever works for you is the right answer, it's really a personal choice. 
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  • In Response to Did HE see your dress?:
    [QUOTE]My fiance and I live together..... and our wedding is VERY nontraditional.... We are not getting ready together the day of our wedding but we are taking pictures together before the ceremony.....   I did get a traditional wedding gown and I ordered it online. It was just delivered and my question is.......  is it REALLY that big of a deal for the groom to see the dress before hand? I am NOT that superstitious but I do think there is something special about that first time you see eachother on your wedding day.... BUT it wont be the full affect as I wont have my hair and make up and veil on.... so I just am looking for opinions..... thanks:)
    Posted by mrsamr2013[/QUOTE]

    my FI actually helped my pick my dress out. i wanted to be sure that he was going to love it. but, he said that he'll still feel like it's the very first time when he sees me with my hair & make-up done. our wedding isn't as tradional either. him & i actually will be spending the day together before the wedding. we won't be staying together though, i'll be at the hotel & he'll be at my family's house.

    happy wedding! :)
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  • I was so excited that I showed him a picture the day I bought it (after asking if he wanted to see it). He promptly forgot. This was about 11 months before the wedding. Plus, it was on a size 2 model. It looked different on me. Our dance instructor asked what kind of dress I had (like if it was a ball gown or a sheath) and he just stared at her blankly, so I knew he had no memory of what it looked like!
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  • It's a good question. My SO picked my dress out. But he has not seen it in real life, or on me. I'm still considering this one, myself. I want to do pics before the wedding, because I know I will cry at the ceremony. Don't want to be red/puffy in my pics. Hmmm...
  • My fiance feels very strongly about not seeing my dress beforehand, and I have to say I agree with that. We live together and if needed, I will store my dress at his mother's.
  • DH was with me when I picked out the dress. It was almost a year later when we married. I doubt he even remembered what it looked like.
  • The one traditional aspect I want was the whole "he doesn't see the dress until I'm walking down the aisle."  I don't believe in the bad luck idea of it all, I just think its one of those moments that the first look is priceless and I wanted him to see the whole package at once.  My FI really wanted to go dress shopping with me but I explained why I wanted him to wait to see it and he respected it.  I did however run pictures, designs by him so I could get an idea of what he hated and what he thought was nice (and luckily we were on the same page), so I am sure he will love my dress but he has not seen it and I hope it stays that way. 

    Now he doesn't want me to see his tux and keeps teasing me he is going to pick bright orange, lol; but I am fine if he wants his attire to be a surprise too and think its fair trade (but like I showed him ideas, he will do the same...and trust his sister in law to help him actually pick something)  

    End of the day Its completely a decision for you and FI to make.
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  • I think this depends entirely on you two. My fiance and I are also very non-traditional. He came with for the first shopping experience but was not there when I bought *the* dress. He has seen pictures of it but has not seen it in person or on me. The only person who seems to care is my dad. He kept trying to get me to keep it at his house rather than my FMIL house (who live like 5 min away from us). It's only there because I had no room at home except with the the citronella candles in the spare closet and that was just a huge no-no. Ha!

    Basically, you are fine. If you have family that makes a big deal about it, you can just discuss it with them.
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  • My fiance is absolutely against seeing the dress. It has been hanging in our spare bedroom closet for close to a year and he won't go anywhere near it, even with it still in the bag! lol 
    I was showing my sisters one day and he hid in our room with the door locked until I told him he could come out, and even then asked me 3 times if I was sure it was gone before he would open the door lol 
    I have to admit, it was pretty cute :)
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