Ceremony & reception Dilemma

kargis

My fiance has been married already and would like an intimate ceremony but he doesn't mind if we have a big reception. In my family we've always done everything big or moderate so it's hard to figure out what to do in this situation. I've cut down my list but it's still not short enough for a small wedding. I also cut it down for financial reasons. Our latest idea is to have an intimate ceremony with just immediate family members and then invite the rest of our friends and family to a reception later on in the day. We were thinking about rolling the video of the ceremony during cocktail hour but then I'm thinking people are going to get offended because they were invited to the ceremony. Is it rude to only invite a small group to the ceremony? And if you think it's okay, how would I word the invitation to the people just invited to the reception? Another thought is having the ceremony one day and the big party another day? Has anyone done anything like this? It's not the norm and not my first choice but I'm trying to figure out a way to make us both happy. Any advice? 

MyNameIsNot

If your ceremony is truly immediate family (no more than about 20 people), you're fine under etiquette to do a larger reception.  However, you're going to have to understand that some people will be hurt to be excluded from the ceremony and invited only to the reception no matter how small you keep the ceremony.  

Keep in mind that the reception is the part that costs most of the money, so if you do a large reception, you aren't going to save any funds.  

You would send an invitation inviting people to a "reception to celebrate the recent marriage of X and Y."  You'd just call the small group invited to the ceremony to let them know where and when.  

I think if I were you I would consider eloping or doing a destination wedding with a short guest list.  It gives you the opportunity to cut the bulk of your guest list without hurting as many feelings.

kargis

Thank you very much to the both of you for the great advice. I truly appreciate it. 

Avion22

Just out of curiosity, why is he so insistant on a smaller ceremony?   I can understand when people are on a budget, or don't like being the center of attention, so they opt to have very small ceremonies and receptions with immediate family only.  And I also understand people eloping or doing a small DW with a larger at-home-recpetion later.  But I don't understand the private ceremony/large reception on the same day concept.  

Honestly, if I was invited to a reception for a wedding that had taken place that day, and I hadn't been invited to it, I probably wouldn't attend the reception.  I like seeing ceremonies -- I like actually seeing people I know get married to each other.   A reception-only-invite (on the same day as your ceremony, that I'm not invited to) tells me that I'm not good enough to see your ceremony, but you still want me to buy you a gift..

FWIW, larger/more traditional ceremonies are fine for second weddings.  If you don't want a church wedding, then you can do a ceremony at your reception venue and bring in an officiant. 

SpartanCat

My BF's cousin had a wedding similar to this. They did a courthouse wedding with immediate family and a large casual reception right after. Events like these are like reunions in his family so no one seemed slighted to have missed the wedding part. I was slightly annoyed though because we never got the memo that it was a casual reception due to the fact that the info was sent out via FB which my BF refuses to get on lol.

Avion22

I guess....it just seems like once you start blaming venue size, then it gives people license to have tiered weddings because their venue holds 100 but they want to invite 200. 

Last year my husband (then fiance) attended his cousings wedding (I wasn't invited, but couldn't have made it anyway).   He traveled from NC to FL to attend the reception -- the B&G got married in an "immediate family only ceremony" on the beach, where there was plenty of room for everyone they invited to the reception.  I was kind of peaved that he traveled almost 1000 miles to attend a reception only...