Can you pick and choose who you invite?

ox Sweet Dee xo

My fiance and I want to have a pretty small wedding, about 50 people. We both come from large families and my question is, is it ok if you invite some aunts and uncles and not others. For example, I've never been close with any of my aunts or uncles on my mothers side besides for one of my aunts. Is it ok to invite her and not any of the others?

MyNameIsNot

Yes, but.  It's your guest list and you can put who you want on it.  But, you have to deal with the fall out if someone gets their feelings hurt.  If your mom's siblings aren't close, they probably don't care.  If they are close, leaving out the one annoying uncle would hurt feelings and lead to drama.  You probably want to defer to your mom's feelings about it.  She probably has a good idea about how her brothers and sisters would feel. 

ox Sweet Dee xo

I think that if anyone got their feelings hurt it would only be my mom. She seems to like to think we're this close family but in reality I only saw her siblings once a year and they all lived in a 20 minute radius. I've been looking at our guest list as "would they invite me if they were having a small wedding?" And one of my fiance's uncles had a kid and we didn't even know about it until it was 3 months old. (I'm not even sure of the sex) So I really feel like we don't have an obligation to invite them..

MollySm

I'm having the same problem.  In the end, it just came down to not having room.  We're having 47 people, so just about the same, and in order to add my extra aunts, I'd have to take out friends that I've been extremely close to for a long time.  If I was having a bigger wedding I'd invite them.  But I'd rather deal with a little guilt over not inviting them, then deal with not having people who I love there with me on my wedding day.

SteveandKris

You don't mention who is footing the bill for this affair, but if its your mother, then mom gets the last say.  If its you and FI, them you can FI get the last say.  You deal with the fallout either way.

Arther007

You can do whatever you want. But you will also have to deal with the consequences of your choices. I would never pick and choose between my family. Because of that our wedding is much bigger than I wanted.

aerinpegadrak

Wedding drama can have serious repercussions.  My mom has an uncle she's never spoken to or met because of something that happened at a wedding 60 years ago that divided the family.  (And my understanding is that it was something minor, like not being in the wedding party or not being invited.)  Is it worth, say, that one aunt deciding to cut off contact with you because you snubbed her siblings?  Or if your mom does so?  It happens.  A lot, actually.

FI really wanted to invite one particular uncle, so we looked in the budget and made room for all four of his aunts and uncles.  It's very likely that the others won't come, but that will be their choice.  Adding three extra people to the guest list was absolutely worth sidestepping any potential drama.