Is it just me, or really tradition?

squirtsmom

My husband's sister is getting married and when his other sister got married he was expected to dance with the bridesmaids for the first few dances.  None of the others in the wedding party were married at the time, but it seemed strange when his mother leaned in and said it was "tradition".  Back then we had been married, with a child for more than 10 years and now we've been married 20. 

When this sister asked him to be in the wedding, she told him "don't worry, I'll make sure you get to dance with my prettiest bridesmaid".  This made him really uncomfortable (last time too, but he didn't say anything).  He'd like to tell her he will only dance with me, but this "tradition" thing seems like a big deal to his mom and sisters.

I don't think, when you celebrate one union, it makes sense or is classy to wedge another.  Is this really a tradition?

Spookysaint121

I thought it was only tradition if he was in the wedding party, and at that, only for the wedding party's dance

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Some people have "wedding party dances" where GMs and BMs are expected to dance together. Which is awkward and unnecessary, IMO.

aerinpegadrak

Sounds like it's part of the wedding party dance, but the wedding party dance is dying out, and for good reason.  Everyone hates them.  The guests hate watching yet another spotlight dance, the WP hates dancing with strangers, and the WP's dates really hate watching their SO dance with a stranger.

But even a wedding party dance is generally only one song.  I'd be uncomfortable, too, if my husband were expected to spend several songs with someone else.  I think he should have a heart-to-heart with this sister and tell her that it makes him really uncomfortable to dance with a stranger and he'd rather not.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_just-really-tradition?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:85afbb1f-c464-475f-96ba-9ddb28f80f88Post:a1ca4125-ebe0-4d3d-9f8f-ff6e9fb93ca4">Is it just me, or really tradition?</a>:
[QUOTE]My husband's sister is getting married and when his other sister got married<u><strong> he was expected to dance with the bridesmaids for the first few dances. </strong></u> None of the others in the wedding party were married at the time, but it seemed strange when his mother leaned in and said it was "tradition".  Back then we had been married, with a child for more than 10 years and now we've been married 20.  When this sister asked him to be in the wedding, she told him "don't worry, I'll make sure you get to dance with my prettiest bridesmaid".  This made him really uncomfortable (last time too, but he didn't say anything).  He'd like to tell her he will only dance with me, but this "tradition" thing seems like a big deal to his mom and sisters. I don't think, when you celebrate one union, it makes sense or is classy to wedge another.  Is this really a tradition?
Posted by squirtsmom[/QUOTE]

Not in a million years.  I haven't seen a WP dance in well over a decade.  And there's a reason for that.  They're uncomfortable for the WP and boring for the guests.  And they serve NO purpose at all.  NONE.

And WTH?  Dance with a BM for the first few dances?  Why?

Send your mother and your SIL here.  We'll help set them straight.

But put your foot down, and just say no.  Tell your sister to join the 21st century.

megk8oz

I'm with Aerin and Trix on this ... I've never heard of the bride's brother dancing with the BMs unless the brother was in the WP ... and then it's only one BM for one (and I must interject "really lame") dance. Not all the BMs for the first couple of dances.

And I know I'm not in a minority here: WP dances are awful, awful, awful, and they're pretty much only done nowadays by couples that don't grasp the full "awful-ness" of it. WP don't enjoy doing them, and guests don't enjoy watching them. I really hope there comes a day when the WP dance can officially be declared dead and buried.

And to the PP that indicated "it's not a big deal if he dances with other people", it's not a big deal if he's comfortable with it. If he doesn't want to dance with anybody but his own wife, that's his perogative, and his family shouldn't force him to do otherwise.

Catwoman708

If your DH was in the WP, and WP dances are the norm in your area, then I guess it's tradition.  But it doesn't mean he has to participate if he doesn't want to, or if he's not in the WP.

If your DH doesn't want to participate, then he should be telling his sister now, that not everyone wants to do the WP dance, and not to count on him to be the entertainment.

By "tradition", I suppose they might mean that at one time, back in the days of cotillions and fancy balls, dancing was the social custom.  It was considered polite for the men (the groomsmen and men in the family of the hosts) to dance with all the ladies (BMs) so everyone got a chance to dance.  ? 

FutureMrsMcDaniel

My wedding planning book has a section for songs and it has WP Dance listed.  It describes this as a dance after the first dance and the GM and BM dance together.
IMO, I would never make my WP dance with each other.  It serves no purpose.  Not even for photo ops. 
I don't really think you can be the one to tell your SIL no.  It should be your DH that tells her he is uncomfortable.
And I also wanted to say that I find it incredibly creepy that your SIL told your DH that "don't worry, I'll make sure you get to dance with my prettiest bridesmaid" 

redheadfsu

A WP dance is traditional,  but it is dying out b/c it is very uncomfortable. I think they are strange. I have never heard of several WP dances. I wouldn't make a huge fuss over it, let your DH handle it.

willowprincess

i feel so odd with this wp dance thing. ours were actually upset that we weren't having one, so we added it in.