So upset that this has turned me into a night owl. To fully explain the situation I will give some back story. After much family drama Parents got divorced in 2003. I was adult and saw it coming but still a strain on relations all around. There were several reasons for the divorce but one reason or rather persons were a couple that egged my father on to get a divorce and essentially helped break up my family. Now this person is my father's friend, a close friend. This is someone that I do not like, and they do not like me. I do not spend time with them and they dont spend time with me. I rarely if ever see them or have any contact with them. This person is generally someone that I do not like and would not like to have them at my wedding. This person is also someone that my mother and her whole extened family does not like...along with parts of my father's extended family. So upon discussing the guest list with my father for who to include such as distant relatives and my desire to have people there that will be genuinely happy for me, I made the comment that I would not be inviting his friend. My father responded with no way, he is going to be invited and there was no way that this would be up for discussion. I explained to him that I dont like his friend and the feeling is mutual. Furthermore this was not someone that I would like to be present on the day that I start a family. I told him that I dont want that person and his wife, the people that I feel are partically responsible for breaking up one marriage, to be present at the start of my marriage. He said that there was no way that he could exclude his "best friend" from his daughter's wedding. I went on to say that these people have no relation to me, that i dont see them or interact with them. And that as much as it would be unpleasant for me to have them there that it would be unpleasant for them to be there. His response...and I love this part the most..."they are not coming for you, they are coming for me." My exact response..."dad are you for real? i dont want them there." and his response then "fine...that day it will be only me and my wife...I will come not as the FOB but as just another guest and I wont have anyone from my side" and he admited that he was doing this on purpose. We ended the conversation there and hung up the phone (this all happened in a matter of minutes on the phone).
So flash forward to a week that has passed. I havent called him or talked with him. I was thinking that this was something we would rationally talk about face to face. My sister saw him and talked to him. SHe is my MOH so she was in full support of my decision....until she talked with my dad. Just some background info...my FI and i are paying for the whole thing, on our own. My father has not offered to help in any way...and i do not and did not expect him to. I put off getting married until I was finacially able to do it on my own. I do not expect or feel entitled to him helping us.
So bacially my father told my sister that if I do not invited his friend then it will put a strain on our relationship. Furthermore my father is heartbroken because for him not inviting his friend means that he is not the FOB. He is going to be attending as a guest...as if I was their neightbors daughter. He will respect my choice of not inviting his friend but I will no longer be his daughter....i will just be his daughter's sister or his ex-wife's daughter. He went on to tell my sister that he had such plans and things that he wanted to do for the wedding....I have been with my FI for 8 years...engaged for 3...never did once he talk about his plans or things he would want to do for the wedding. I am in total shock....I mean I am saddened by the fact that my father values his friendship with his best friend more than his relationship with me. I just dont know how to react to this...My FI is in total support of whatever decidison i make... My sister pointed out that those people if they do get the invite might not come...and I said if they are invited it means that they are welcomed and there is a chance that they would come to spite me, my mother,. and the rest of my family...yes they are that small. So...I'm just lost here...makes me just want to cancel everything and just continue living with FI. Sorry for the ramble...I fould all this out exactly 6months to the date of my wedding...on valentines day..
