Tactfully say, "Your kid wasn't invited"

123kel

We have a guest who penciled in her 13 yo daughter's name on her RSVP. We made it clear on our site and on the invitations who was invited and our children policy. It's not that we don't like kids, its just that we don't want to pay for them in place of another guest. How do I tactfully say, "we like your kid, but she's still not invited to the wedding?"

amagwire

You have to call and speak with her.  Just explain that due to the head count, you are having an adults only reception.  I don't think you need to be really delicate with her.  If she knows the rules you've already outlined you just need to be very clear.

duckie1905

In this case, she is the one that made the mistake so I don't really see a need to be delicate about it.  Just politely tell her that while you love little darling girl, do to budget and space contstraints you'll be having an adults only event.

MyNameIsNot

You have to call her.  "I'm sorry you misunderstood, but Jane wasn't invited.  It is an adult event.  Can I still count on you and Steve?"  If she argues or says she won't come, just keep repeating, sorry, but she's not invited. 

trix1223

I wouldn't use the budget or space constraints argument, because that's not what it is.  They're not inviting children.

As soon as you start to lie, and talk about budget or space, you open yourself up to Homer saying to himself "Well, Marge isn't feeling well, so I'll bring Bart.  After all, they budgeted (or had space for) for two.

OP:  be honest.  "I'm sorry.  There must have been a misunderstanding.  We're not including children in our reception.  We look forward to sharing our wedding with you and Homer.  What's that?  You won't come without Bart?  Well, we're sorry to hear that.  You'll be missed."

123kel

Thanks everyone! There are some good ideas here. I agree, the less lies, the less you have to back up the lies. I'll just be honest and say this is an adults only event.

[Deleted User]

I've got a question with a slightly different spin - we were having a "no kids" reception except for two flower girls.  But then, since the girls have brothers, we had to invite them to keep the parents (fiance's brother and SIL) happy.  We were going to cut it off there, but now my fiance's other brother and SIL want to bring their infant.  I say absolutely not - we'll help them find a babysitter - but now the family is upset because it looks like we're favoring the first four kids.  And my mom wants me to invite my six-year-old nephew b/c his parents have to come from out of state.  I don't want to deal with grudges for years to come, but I don't want all these kids!!!

Are other guests going to be ticked off when they've made arrangements for their own children, but potentially find six kids at the wedding?