Rehearsal Dinner - Who should be invited?

Amy5473

My groom's mother and stepfather offered to pay for the dinner and we are trying to make a list.  I thought out of town guests were typically invited.  They can't afford to include them.  Should I include them and pay for them myself?

anna.oskar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_rehearsal-dinner-should-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:c696e288-0a4e-4868-8673-931ff3b8b6daPost:e07ffc93-3f66-452b-a54b-8da866dec596">Rehearsal Dinner - Who should be invited?</a>:
[QUOTE]My groom's mother and stepfather offered to pay for the dinner and we are trying to make a list.  I thought out of town guests were typically invited.  They can't afford to include them.  Should I include them and pay for them myself?
Posted by Amy5473[/QUOTE]

In some circles, oot guests are invited but it's not necessary.  The rehearsal dinner is for the people that attended the rehearsal, usually just the wedding party & their SOs and other immediate family.

If it is important to you that they are invited, it would certainly be nice if you paid for them, but please be cautious. Your FMIL may be offended by your offer to pay.  If she is hosting the dinner, she really does get to say who is invited.

cukimerrydoll

I think part of it depends on the OOTers - if they are close family / involoved in the wedding, they should be invited, as well as if they attend the rehearsal.

At this point, for us, it's WP + SOs, parents, and officiant.  If everyone has a SO, that's over 25 people (1/10th of the guest list... never thought of that).  Not sure on if the readers will need to be at the rehearsal or not yet.

So, we're probably going to limit it to that, even though our only real OOTers are parent's siblings...
But if you invite one aunt or uncle, it's almost expected to invite them all.  Which moves it up to about 1/4 of the guest list.  So we're dropping that idea all together.

kristinanddan

We invited our bridal party with dates, the readers with dates, and FI's one oot aunt and uncle, who invited themselves. My ILs generously paid for it, so we did not feel comfortable adding all of the oot guests.

bbyckes

After much debate, we have decided not to invite all the OOTers.  There's no way we could afford to pay for everyone.  We will include those in the wedding party and their dates, readers, officiant, ushers and any important family OOTers.  We are also having a day-after breakfast, so all of the OOTers will be invited to that.

Amy5473

Thank you all so much!!!  We really don't have the money to pay for them but I was feeling bad about it.  I now feel much better and I do like the idea of trying to get together with anyone who is in town perhaps at a local bar, or possibly my Mother's home depending on the amount of people, after the fact.  My wedding is in the afternoon so I don't have to be to bed quite so early...assuming I'll be able to sleep!  lol  Thanks again!!!

megk8oz

We held our RD 2 nights before the wedding, so our few OOT guests weren't even in town yet. But honestly, we weren't really close to most of them, and if we were going to invite them, it would have felt weird not inviting everybody else. We just did parents and BP (Which included our siblings) and S/Os.

Caro61

Okay, well I'm tripping out here...as the groom's mother, the last count given to me including wedding party and s/o's, along with out of towners and their s/o's was up to 80!  My FDIL is having (IMO) a large wedding, with about 6-7 attendees for each side.  She's the only daughter and even though this is throwing her parents a bit off financially, they all seem to be rolling with it...by clinching their teeth.  LOL.   I don't know how to "not" include OOT's without coming off stingy looking.  Exactly whose decision is it for the invitees to the rehearsal dinner?