Father/Daughter Dance & Mother/Daughter Dance HELP

ritterky

My parents divorced when I was 2 and my mother raised me and my older brother and sister.
My dad was never really there and hasn't always been the most supportive or nicest father.
On my wedding day, I am having my mother walk me down the isle.

I have two questions here

1. How do I tell my father he isnt walking me down the isle without upsetting/angering him?

2. Is it possible to do a Mother/Daughter dance AS WELL as a Father/Daughter dance?

I want to dance with my mom the most. She is my rock. But I don't want my father to be upset by not only not having him walk me down the isle, and then not having a father/daughter dance.

Please help

s-aries8990

1) Has he asked you about it? If he has then you have to tell him your choice. I really hope you haven't insinuated that he was going to walk you down during recent conversations, because that will make him even more angry. In all honesty, he is probably going to be upset, but it's your choice to make. Every father dreams of walking his daughter down the aisle, but every daughter deserves to have a father worthy of walking her down the aisle. You are having the most important influence on your life walk you down the aisle, so don't let him try to guilt or pressure you to change your mind.

2) Can you have a split dance? Have your father start dancing with you, and your mother cut in on you during that song? Spotlight dances can get a bit boring for guests, so adding one more can get long. Or you can just forego the father-daughter and do just a mother-daugter, or not do one at all.

MrsGandthebeag

1. I wouldn't bring it up unless he does

2. I'd skip the dance all together unless your dh wants to dance with his mom.  In that case, I'd say do a split dance like the pp suggested.  

Peledreamsofrain

Why not have your mother walk you down the aisle instead?  That way if he asks, you can say that she is already doing it, because she's the one who raised you.

ritterky

He hasn't brought it up. I don't see/talk to him very often. The ONLY time we talked about the wedding was when he asked how we were paying for it, and I said my Fiance and I already had the money saved up. He always thinks I only contact him if I need something and thats not that case, so I wanted him to know I was NOT asking for his money.
Otherwise he never mentions my wedding. I'm just afraid he is going to assume he is going to walk me down.

My Fiance's father  passed away about 8 years ago from Lukemia. My Fiance and myself both want him and his mother to have a Mother/Son dance as well.


In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_fatherdaughter-dance-motherdaughter-dance-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:d778c734-7e6f-4a9a-afc6-2d22be0867a5Post:9d334d64-4bea-441f-b2d0-21afdf3d1e42">Re: Father/Daughter Dance & Mother/Daughter Dance HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]1) Has he asked you about it? If he has then you have to tell him your choice. I really hope you haven't insinuated that he was going to walk you down during recent conversations, because that will make him even more angry. In all honesty, he is probably going to be upset, but it's your choice to make. Every father dreams of walking his daughter down the aisle, but every daughter deserves to have a father worthy of walking her down the aisle. You are having the most important influence on your life walk you down the aisle, so don't let him try to guilt or pressure you to change your mind. 2) Can you have a split dance? Have your father start dancing with you, and your mother cut in on you during that song? Spotlight dances can get a bit boring for guests, so adding one more can get long. Or you can just forego the father-daughter and do just a mother-daugter, or not do one at all.
Posted by sydaries[/QUOTE]

Swazzle

My mom is walking me down the aisle and I'm not doing a father/daughter dance. I figured that telling my dad ahead of time would be less awkward and uncomfortable than him showing up at my wedding expecting to be walking me down the aisle and all. 

lmvas4

My mom is walking me down the aisle as well.  My dad is around, but hasn't really beed a dad - darn alcoholism.  My dad is happy he is invited to my wedding as he wasn't invited to my brother's wedding (he was still drinking when my brother got married).  I am not doing a mother-daughter dance but my FI may dance with his mom.  I think if you don't have him walk you down the aisle, you don't need to dance with him.  I think those moments should be saved for the people that have been there for you and are truely supportive. 

crunchymamaof2

My grandfather is walking me down the aisle- he's in his eighties and him and my grandmother raised me since I was 12, while my mother and father were 10 minutes away. Long story. I'm still doing a father daughter dance since before all that my dad was a great father, especially since he isn't my bio dad but treated me just the same. But to make it a little less awkward for me we're doing the father/daughter and mother/son at the same time.

It just came up in conversations with my mom. Through facebook messenger actually. Normally I'd say just bring up topics that could lead into that discussion but if he doesn't ask about your wedding that's kind of hard. Maybe mention something like "I'm having a hard time finding a song for the mother/daughter dance" or something like that? THat is, if you're not comfortable just flat out telling him which would be a good idea as well.

NovaMetzler

Like you, my mom raised me, although my dad is still a very large part of our lives and our wedding day. I am having both my mom and my dad walk me down the aisle.
I am doing the father/daughter dance with my dad and my mancake is actually going to dance with my mom! His mom cannot come (sad!), she lives in Hawaii and cannot travel due to her health (we are honeymooning there so we can still celebrate with her). So since my mom will now be his mom, too I think it is a nice touch!

It will be wonderful however you choose to do it! I see nothing wrong with having a dance with both parents

cmalork

I am having my step-father and grandfather walk me down the aisle. I am not close to me biological father and we rarely talk. I am doing the father/daughter dance with my step-father and then with my FIL and probably my grandfather (I am working out timing at the moment). I know my biological father may assume he is walking me down the aisle, but I hope he gets the picture when he doesn't get an invitation.