Do you pay your own pastor?

Jeneraltang

hey all!  my fiancee and I were wondering if you use your pastor from your own church, but then have the wedding ceremony NOT in your church (i.e., an inn)...do you still pay him? and how much do you normally pay? or do you ask them how much to donate??  any thoughts would be great, thanks!

trix1223

The minister who performed DD's outdoor (not in our church) wedding is a 40+ years friend of the family.  And yes, we paid him~in cash so that he couldn't NOT cash a check.  He protested, but we insisted.  And we would have done the same if the wedding was in our church.

Three weeks later he officiated at my mom's memorial service.  Again, we paid him.  He again protested.

In both cases he put in a lot of time, energy, and love preparing for both those events.  I think a minister deserves to be compensated for his/her time.

If you think he'll protest, get him some gift cards to restaurants you know he likes so that he can have a couple nights out on you and your FI.

trix1223

PS:  Operating on the assumption that you're a female, you have a fiance, not a fiancee.

[Deleted User]

Yes, I would definitely give him something or a gift card to a nice restaurant or something.

skippylouwho

Pastors in our area are paid by the couple, anywhere from $175 to $375.

You most certainly should pay him. He will put time in to putting together your ceremony, will most likely attend your rehearsal, weill obviously give up time to be at your wedding. 

antimony

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_pay-own-pastor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:f4c2d0c6-7a0e-4e64-8ea2-b9c1effa060fPost:0b76f763-61c7-49cf-8613-33ada12e2f3c">Re: Do you pay your own pastor?</a>:
[QUOTE]PS:  Operating on the assumption that you're a female, you have a fiance, not a fiancee.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

Or her fiancée is female.  But to answer the OPs question -- both of our officiants had a standard honorarium for doing weddings (interfaith wedding).  Just ask your pastor -- I can't imagine they'd be insulted by you asking, even if they don't require payment.

If they don't, I'd offer to make a donation to the church as a thank-you, and then give what feels right. 

trix1223

fair enough antimony. 

FutureMrsMcDaniel

My pastor refuses payment but says we can make a donation to the church.  Ask him about how much he is to be payed.  Lots of times pastors will refuse. 

miah_23_ncb

i think it is consider it good  etiquette some people call i a tove gift.

aprilhaynes

It is true that pastors may refuse it, or designate that money to be given to the church as a donation, but I think out of respect for him and his position, one should not presume that this will be the case. While pastors by nature are giving people, and he will likely be thrilled to do your wedding, it is an evening (or day) that he is not spending with his family (or having much-needed down time for himself) because he is doing you a service. So, yes ... pay him. :-)