Would it be wrong...

awick14

We are having a kidless wedding. But we both have one niece so we are having them as flower girls. I have 2 different questions for you girls:

1. If they are the flower girls for the ceremony, and are in the pictures do they have to be at the reception. i don't think either of them would enjoy it as they would be the only children. As well my fiance is really leaning towards the no kids thing, and agreed to the flower girls as both our moms and I liked the idea. My sis is fine with dropping her daughter off at a friends after the pictures are taken. But his fmaily thinks that this would be very rude. i'm not sure what to do about this.

2. My fiance also has a nephew (nieces sister) and his family thinks that if his niece is in the wedding then the nephew has to be to. I do not agree with this as the nephew would be under 18 months at the wedding.  his family thinks he is going to be the ring bearer and they will not except no for an answer, his mom even bought a pillow for him to use. I don't mind if he will be there. (The ceremony will be in his sisters backyard.) But he will not be invited to the reception either. I just don't know what to do about this matter as his family is very opinionated.

TIA for you imput!

                                                         ~Wicky~

bablingbrooke

1.  I think an exception can be made if the kids are actually in the wedding.  I'd let the kids in the WP stay, or at least give them the option.  The parents can decide if/when they need to leave.  Other parents won't be offended--they'll understand. If they don't, THEY are in the wrong.

2.  18 month olds are waaaay too young to be in the wedding.  So there's no obligation there.  The kid doesn't know what a wedding is so he can't feel left out.  I was a FG three times before the age of 7 and my little sister (who was about 1, 2, and 4 respectively) never was and never felt left out.  If the parents will hold a grudge, that's their problem, not yours.  Your wedding isn't a venue for them to show off their darlings.  If they threaten not to come and pull their other kid out, call their bluff.  I bet they still show up.  But you need to nip this "nephew as RB" thing in the bud before you effectively DO let him be RB.  

emilykathleen511

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_would-wrong-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:006a7c9e-3f5d-4156-b4f3-dbe0bd5fe97dPost:7c9658bb-3a36-4c7c-9104-d81df7f7da3e">Would it be wrong...</a>:
[QUOTE]We are having a kidless wedding. But we both have one niece so we are having them as flower girls. I have 2 different questions for you girls: 1. If they are the flower girls for the ceremony, and are in the pictures do they have to be at the reception. i don't think either of them would enjoy it as they would be the only children. As well my fiance is really leaning towards the no kids thing, and agreed to the flower girls as both our moms and I liked the idea. My sis is fine with dropping her daughter off at a friends after the pictures are taken. But his fmaily thinks that this would be very rude. i'm not sure what to do about this. 2. My fiance also has a nephew (nieces sister) and his family thinks that if his niece is in the wedding then the nephew has to be to. I do not agree with this as the nephew would be under 18 months at the wedding.  his family thinks he is going to be the ring bearer and they will not except no for an answer, his mom even bought a pillow for him to use. I don't mind if he will be there. (The ceremony will be in his sisters backyard.) But he will not be invited to the reception either. I just don't know what to do about this matter as his family is very opinionated. TIA for you imput!                                                          ~Wicky~
Posted by awick14[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I'm sorry, but anyone invited to the ceremony (yes even the little girls) must be invited to the reception. If their <em>parents</em> decide to drop them off somewhere or leave early, that is up to them, but they must be invited.</div><div>
</div><div>The baby doesn't need to be "in" the wedding, but if it means that much to the in-laws that he have a meaningless title, I would just list him in the program as such to keep the peace. You certainly don't <em>have </em>to, but I think it would be an easy enough gesture to keep the peace.

</div>

banana468

If anyone is in the wedding then I'd absolutely say that they need to be invited to the reception.

I wouldn't actually try to do something with the 18 MO but if it means that much to the parents I'd list him in the program and let that be the end of it.

It's fine to make exceptions for nieces and nephews as the only exemptions to your 'no kids' reception.

quotequeen

If they are the flower girls for the ceremony, and are in the pictures do they have to be at the reception. i don't think either of them would enjoy it as they would be the only children.

They don't need to be at the reception, but they do need to be invited to the reception, just like any other guest that is invited to the ceremony.  If they wouldn't enjoy it, their parents are under no obligation to bring them, but if their parents choose to bring them, you have to accept that.

My fiance also has a nephew (nieces sister) and his family thinks that if his niece is in the wedding then the nephew has to be to.

His family is wrong.  Your FI needs to stand up to them on this.

I don't mind if he will be there. (The ceremony will be in his sisters backyard.) But he will not be invited to the reception either.

Same as above, anybody who is invited to the ceremony must also be invited to the reception.  It doesn't matter how old that person is.

andy71781

I'd like to ditto what PPs said and reiterate that if somebody is in the wedding party they should (must) be invited to the reception.  Even if they are little girls.

BeeBee22

PPs are correct and give good advice. 

FI's family is wrong about nephew.  If it's a misunderstanding (and not just them being difficult ... although it sounds more like the latter to me), I believe etiquette holds that young siblings of flower girls/junior BMs/ring bearers are generally invited to the wedding (and reception) even if no other kids are. They are not expected to be in the wedding. 

You do have to invite these kids to the reception, though. You can arrange for an on-site babysitter to take them over when they get bored.  

MyNameIsNot

I agree with everyone else.  But really, I'd simplify the whole no-kids thing, and actually just have no kids, including no child attendants.  Then you aren't dealing with exceptions and hurt feelings and all that mess.  It would be so much easier to just not have any kids at all.  

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_would-wrong-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:006a7c9e-3f5d-4156-b4f3-dbe0bd5fe97dPost:f599b3a6-0ed2-4d3c-b9dd-b93e7aa2f549">Re: Would it be wrong...</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with everyone else.  But really, I'd simplify the whole no-kids thing, and actually just have no kids, including no child attendants.  Then you aren't dealing with exceptions and hurt feelings and all that mess.  It would be so much easier to just not have any kids at all.  
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

But it sounds like she's already asked the girls (or at least their parents), so I wouldn't go back on that.

Are these your only nieces and nephews? If so, I'd have your two flower girls, invite the 18mo to the ceremony as a guest and invite them all to the reception. I understand wanting a child-free wedding, but you've already nixed that possibilty by having child attendants, so I think it's best to extend the invitation to the non-WP sibling as well. I don't think other guests with kids will be offended (or at least they shouldn't be) if they realize the only children invited are IN the wedding or a sibling of someone in the wedding.

awick14

Yes the 3 children are our only nieces and nephews. The main reason I ask about the reception is that his sister and her husband do not disapline his niece at all, she does what she wants when she wants and she really drives me nuts. If it were up to me only my niece would be the flower girl. But my fiance doesn't think that is fair to only have one of them. My niece is 5 but she is very well behaved and I know she won't be a problem. If he hadn't already told his niece she was in the wedding we wouldn't even have them be FGs but I would never tell them no now as they are so excited.