venting about bridesmaids gone sour!!!

FloridaMichelle

Up until last night I had four BMs- Fiance's Sister, Sorority Sister #1, Sorority Sister # 2, and work friend.  Three nights ago Sorority Sister # 2 completely freaks out about me not going to her engagement party (she's been engaged for a year already), which I told her I would not be attending WEEKS ago due to the fact that four days before it my fiance left for the Peace Corps.  She told me I wouldn't know anyone there, that there were "tons of single people" (I'm not single!!!!!), and that no I could not bring a plus one (I would have brought Sorority Sister #1, we all know each other!) .  Keep in mind this is also a freaking outdoor barbecue, so it'snot like I'm trying to bring an uninvited guest to a formal event.  Since fiance left for Peace Corps, she has been completely nonexistent.  She has not answered my phone calls or texts, especially when I have been sad about missing fiance, then she told me I'm completely unsupportive bc I did not go to her party (despite the well in advance notice).  She claims this is "when she needed me most and I wasn't there".  Well for one, I don't know anyone else who's own relationship is that bad that their ENGAGEMENT PARTY is when they 'need' people?  And secondly, she did not care at all when I've been missing fiance.  So now we are not friends and she is not in my wedding. 

Then last night, I was supposed to have work friend come into town (she lives in Tennessee), and she randomly says shes not sure if she's coming or not, even though she bought plane tickets a month ago.  I tell her I need to know because this changes my weekend plans, and she never gets back to me.  She then updates her facebook status about all the things she is doing this weekend (in TN), and never told me whethere she was coming or not.  If I hadn't been on FB, I would have been at the airport looking for her!  So I have not spoken to her since.  Red flag for a BM?  My mother, fiance, and MOH (sorority sister #1) seem to think so, and I agree.  

Has anyone else had bridesmaids from the black lagoon?  And how did you hande it?

Simply Fated

" it made me sad to be around couples." You just questioned your friend's relationship but... in the same breath you say you can't go to a social function alone because you miss your still alive fianc after 4 days. Riiiight. I don't think you should look to "kick out this bridesmaid unless you want to end the friendship. Things get replaced. People don't.

FloridaMichelle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_venting-about-bridesmaids-gone-sour?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0298ab54-e9be-424d-a9ac-3ec9a611e193Post:0ae97584-8349-424c-a0e8-be0eb4af66f1">Re:venting about bridesmaids gone sour!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]" it made me sad to be around couples." You just questioned your friend's relationship but... in the same breath you say you can't go to a social function alone because you miss your still alive fianc after 4 days. Riiiight. I don't think you should look to "kick out this bridesmaid unless you want to end the friendship. Things get replaced. People don't.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

<div>sounds like someone is a bit bitter,no?  Are you even aware of what the peace corps is?  I did not get to speak with him for two weeks.  he is in another COUNTRY.  get your head out of your ass.</div>

FloridaMichelle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_venting-about-bridesmaids-gone-sour?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0298ab54-e9be-424d-a9ac-3ec9a611e193Post:0ae97584-8349-424c-a0e8-be0eb4af66f1">Re:venting about bridesmaids gone sour!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]" it made me sad to be around couples." You just questioned your friend's relationship but... in the same breath you say you can't go to a social function alone because you miss your still alive fianc after 4 days. Riiiight. I don't think you should look to "kick out this bridesmaid unless you want to end the friendship. Things get replaced. People don't.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

<div>next time I'd suggest actually reading what the original poster wrote.  </div>

MairePoppy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_venting-about-bridesmaids-gone-sour?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0298ab54-e9be-424d-a9ac-3ec9a611e193Post:313368b9-fa76-48f0-a9ef-b0f3f74e37c4">venting about bridesmaids gone sour!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Up until last night I had four BMs- Fiance's Sister, Sorority Sister #1, Sorority Sister # 2, and work friend.  Three nights ago Sorority Sister # 2 completely freaks out about me not going to her engagement party (she's been engaged for a year already), which I told her I would not be attending WEEKS ago due to the fact that four days before it my fiance left for the Peace Corps, and it made me sad to be around couples.  She told me I wouldn't know anyone there, that there were "tons of single people" (I'm not single!!!!!), and that no I could not bring a plus one (I would have brought Sorority Sister #1, we all know each other!) .  Keep in mind this is also a freaking outdoor barbecue, so it'snot like I'm trying to bring an uninvited guest to a formal event.  Since fiance left for Peace Corps, she has been completely nonexistent.  She has not answered my phone calls or texts, especially when I have been sad about missing fiance, then she told me I'm completely unsupportive bc I did not go to her party (despite the well in advance notice).  She claims this is "when she needed me most and I wasn't there".  Well for one, I don't know anyone else who's own relationship is that bad that their ENGAGEMENT PARTY is when they 'need' people?  And secondly, she did not care at all when I've been missing fiance.  So now we are not friends and she is not in my wedding.  Then last night, I was supposed to have work friend come into town (she lives in Tennessee), and she randomly says shes not sure if she's coming or not, even though she bought plane tickets a month ago.  I tell her I need to know because this changes my weekend plans, and she never gets back to me.  She then updates her facebook status about all the things she is doing this weekend (in TN), and never told me whethere she was coming or not.  If I hadn't been on FB, I would have been at the airport looking for her!  So I have not spoken to her since.  Red flag for a BM?  My mother, fiance, and MOH (sorority sister #1) seem to think so, and I agree.   Has anyone else had bridesmaids from the black lagoon?  And how did you hande it?
Posted by FloridaMichelle[/QUOTE]

If your date of Feb 2015 is correct, you chose your wedding party way too early. Once you ask them, you're stuck. Don't kick anyone out. If they drop out or cut off contact with you, don't replace them with second string bms. You also shouldn't be talking behind their backs.

FloridaMichelle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_venting-about-bridesmaids-gone-sour?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0298ab54-e9be-424d-a9ac-3ec9a611e193Post:7408fdf1-2ece-4a04-9d33-cf49ead4722f">Re: venting about bridesmaids gone sour!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]If your date of Feb 2015 is correct, you chose your wedding party way too early. Once you ask them, you're stuck. Don't kick anyone out. If they drop out or cut off contact with you, don't replace them with second string bms. You also shouldn't be talking behind their backs.
Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE
<div>
</div><div>I know I picked them way too early, but we wanted to have a bridal party before we both moved away for 2 years.  It's not a second string BM if I happen to meet a close friend in the time before the wedding (something he and I have both considered to be a strong possiblity with living in a new location, on both of our sides) or we would have a relative who we know would step in for us.  We are trying to avoid uneven numbers on our sides if at all possible.  I just don't get it, because she was perfectly fine up until I got this job offer, then she started getting all weird and then went MIA.  </div>

FloridaMichelle

I should add that the one from TN has not met the others here, which was part of why she was so adament about coming into town this weekend.  Then she just disappeared and didn't even bother to tell me she wasn't flying in.  I really don't know that I can be sure she wouldn't do something like this later on, either.

MairePoppy

There is nothing wrong with uneven numbers. You pick the people who are closest to you without regard to filling in specified slots. If over the next two years, you become very close to new friends, that's fine to ask. But there is no need to have a wedding party lined up before 6-9 months out.

It was rude of Friend #1 to stand you up, so I sympathize with your weekend getting screwed up. But, I don't think it warrants ending the friendship, unless it becomes a steady thing. If this is new behavior for her, you should call an ask her what's going on in her life.

Friend #2 will have to get over you not attending her engagement party. You may accept or decline invitations at your own discretion, no excuses required.

FloridaMichelle

Friend #2 ended the friendship over me not attending her engagement party.  I told her in advance I wouldn't be there, I apologized the day of for not being able to attend, and that's when she started ignoring me.  She blocked me on facebook (petty, I know, but this is what she does when she says she is absolutely done with someone)

FloridaMichelle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_venting-about-bridesmaids-gone-sour?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0298ab54-e9be-424d-a9ac-3ec9a611e193Post:10d8f9a2-392b-40d9-9dff-ccbaca21ffd0">Re:venting about bridesmaids gone sour!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:venting about bridesmaids gone sour!!! : Dude, this was so unnecessary. I'm fairly certain that SimplyFated knowns what the peace corps is. It's slightly ridiculous that you can't be around other couples because it makes you sad. He's in another country and you haven't spoken with him in 2 weeks - seriously, while it sucks, you are overreacting here. 
<div>
</div><div>Actually, youd be surprised at how many people have no idea what it is.  They assume it's a mission trip or that things like skype are easily accessible as they are here.  If you have not personally been in this situation, then you cannot say how someone in it should be feeling.  </div><div>
</div><div>The title of my post starts with "venting".  </div><div>
</div><div>Also, I just noticed that I wrote that the e- party was 4 days before, but I meant to say it was 4 days after.  I gave her plenty of advance notice that I wouldn't be going and I sent her a card when she first got engaged.  </div>

freebread03

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_venting-about-bridesmaids-gone-sour?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0298ab54-e9be-424d-a9ac-3ec9a611e193Post:136702be-87f8-4b31-a00e-1fc9efe549e2">Re:venting about bridesmaids gone sour!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:venting about bridesmaids gone sour!!! : sounds like someone is a bit bitter,no?  Are you even aware of what the peace corps is?  I did not get to speak with him for two weeks.  he is in another COUNTRY.  get your head out of your ass.
Posted by FloridaMichelle[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm sorry that you are having drama with your friends, and I do get that you told Friend #1 that you wouldn't be able to attend her engagement party, but being "sad and not able to be around couples" sounds very dramatic.  There are couples EVERYWHERE, and you surely can't avoid them all the time everywhere you go.  It sounds like you didn't have a conflict with her event, you just told her that being around couples made you sad so you didn't want to go.  How would you feel if one of your friends skipped your wedding because seeing happy couples made her sad?  You'd probably be hurt.<div>
</div><div>So you haven't talked to your FI in two weeks--you do realize that people do this ALL THE TIME.  How about girls who's FI or husbands are deployed, and they don't see them for 6-12 months?  Your situation is far from unique, and being defensive and rude to other posters is not going to get you good advice here. </div></div><div>
</div><div>Replacing a bridesmaid would be rude.  Your whole situation sounds very high school--friendships ending over little fights, etc.  Adults don't do this.  They grow up and talk to each other about their problems.  This goes for both you AND your friends, since you're all acting immature.</div>

renegade gaucho

You sound very immature and overly dramatic.  And yes, I have been through a similar situation- on more than one occasion- since my husband has been deployed to the Middle East several times since we met.  Being unable to be around couples just because your fiance is gone for a long period of time is kind of silly- is it also too painful for you to be around men because your fiance is a man? Don't get me wrong- I think your friend's reaction was also immature and unnecessary, so maybe it's just the circle you hang with?

At any rate, if your wedding isn't for more than two years, don't even bother thinking about your wedding party right now.  By the time your wedding rolls around, you might drift apart from these people (or get in immature fights with them) and you might not even be friends anymore.  Wait until about six months before the wedding and then pick your attendants.

s-aries8990

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_venting-about-bridesmaids-gone-sour?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0298ab54-e9be-424d-a9ac-3ec9a611e193Post:079a78cc-41b6-4de4-99b8-13c0d9fff74f">Re:venting about bridesmaids gone sour!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:venting about bridesmaids gone sour!!! : I'm sorry that you are having drama with your friends, and I do get that you told Friend #1 that you wouldn't be able to attend her engagement party, <strong>but being "sad and not able to be around couples" sounds very dramatic</strong>.  There are couples EVERYWHERE, and you surely can't avoid them all the time everywhere you go.  It sounds like you didn't have a conflict with her event, you just told her that being around couples made you sad so you didn't want to go.  <strong>How would you feel if one of your friends skipped your wedding because seeing happy couples made her sad</strong>?  You'd probably be hurt. So you haven't talked to your FI in two weeks--you do realize that people do this ALL THE TIME.  How about girls who's FI or husbands are deployed, and they don't see them for 6-12 months?  Your situation is far from unique, and being defensive and rude to other posters is not going to get you good advice here.  Replacing a bridesmaid would be rude.  Your whole situation sounds very high school--friendships ending over little fights, etc.  Adults don't do this.  They grow up and talk to each other about their problems.  This goes for both you AND your friends, since you're all acting immature.
Posted by freebread03[/QUOTE]

I understand not wanting to go to the engagement party, but come on, put on your big girl panties and go! What about if a friend breaks up with her bf/fi right before your wedding and can't go because "seeing couples makes her sad"- I'm sure it stinks having FI away for 2 weeks (I have a friend in the PC and she's gone for 2 years... so IDK )

I also understand being baled on by a friend flying in- that's poopy of her to do. Ask her what's up and why.

I agree with PP's that everyone's being immature and that you picked wayy to early and you're stuck.

AddieCake

It was rude of your friend to stand you up, but I think it was silly of you not to attend the other friend's party b/c you feel sad around couples. My husband works out of state and is gone for a month at a time. I would lead a very lonely life if I let that bother me.

You're definitly overreacting to everything here. It's too early for you to worry about anything about your bridesmaids. You need to focus on your friendships and take the bridesmaid part out of the equation. 

FloridaMichelle

I see that most of you have never heard of a rant or venting session.  

KatWAG

Now OP just started a thread on wedding woes hoping to get a diffferent answer.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_venting-about-bridesmaids-gone-sour?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0298ab54-e9be-424d-a9ac-3ec9a611e193Post:136702be-87f8-4b31-a00e-1fc9efe549e2">Re:venting about bridesmaids gone sour!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:venting about bridesmaids gone sour!!! : sounds like someone is a bit bitter,no?  Are you even aware of what the peace corps is?  I did not get to speak with him for two weeks.  he is in another COUNTRY.  get your head out of your ass.
Posted by FloridaMichelle[/QUOTE]

1. What exactly would I be bitter about?

2. I know what the peace corps is.
This is something your fiance chose to do and, therefore, something you need to learn to live with. Avoiding couples isn't really the way to go about it.

"Well for one, I don't know anyone else who's own relationship is that bad that their ENGAGEMENT PARTY is when they 'need' people?"
3. Tell me more about why her relationship is so bad because she needs people, but yours is so great for the same reason?

4. You can rant and vent all you want, but you did ask questions that we are trying to answer, such as don't replace a bridesmaid. Also, it is a discussion forum, so people will discuss what you posted, whether or not you like what they have to say.

FloridaMichelle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_venting-about-bridesmaids-gone-sour?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0298ab54-e9be-424d-a9ac-3ec9a611e193Post:ac81ccb2-413a-4469-bf63-815e7ec1a184">Re: venting about bridesmaids gone sour!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Now OP just started a thread on wedding woes hoping to get a diffferent answer.
Posted by KatWAG[/QUOTE]

<div>actually, I started that last night once I found the 'wedding woes' section and figured that would be a more appropriate place.  But way to go on making assumptions!</div>

mandi195

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_venting-about-bridesmaids-gone-sour?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0298ab54-e9be-424d-a9ac-3ec9a611e193Post:e1b221b3-6a6f-4f40-a8fc-f4eae3726cca">Re: venting about bridesmaids gone sour!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: venting about bridesmaids gone sour!!! : actually, I started that last night once I found the 'wedding woes' section and figured that would be a more appropriate place.  But way to go on making assumptions!
Posted by FloridaMichelle[/QUOTE]
Your attitude is just horrible. Yes, you have friend drama. Yes, I agree with PPs that you are over-reacting and being immature. You didn't get to talk to  or see your FI for 2 weeks. Ok, yes, you likely missed him, but it's not the end of the world. You're not the first woman to have to be away from her FI during their engagement. Hell, my now SIL had to miss my brother for a year while he was in Afghanistan, and didn't once throw a tantrum like this.
If I were any of your friends above and you reacted to me in this manner, I'd ignore the hell out of you, too!

Peledreamsofrain

Birds if a feather flock together. Im not even sure why you are upset about the drama, OP, it seems to make you happy when you can swoon on a couch and moan over yourself. Your friends are just trying to help you do what makes you happy.

Simply Fated

If you have not personally been in this situation, then you cannot say how someone in it should be feeling.

I didn't even think to comment on this, but just to clear the air... OP, no one here is telling you how you should be feeling, just suggesting how you could try handling your situation. You told your friend you couldn't attend her engangement party weeks prior to your fiance leaving in anticipation of missing him. It's like you were setting yourself up to be miserable before you even got a chance to miss him. Of course you were going to miss him. Of couse you do miss him. Shutting yourself out of social functions because you feel you can't attend alone isn't healthy, no matter if your fiance is out of the country or if he can't make it because he has a cold.
 

maddynamite

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_venting-about-bridesmaids-gone-sour?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:0298ab54-e9be-424d-a9ac-3ec9a611e193Post:b7dc5083-61a7-4079-9022-ce9b05ec685b">Re: venting about bridesmaids gone sour!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I see that most of you have never heard of a rant or venting session.  
Posted by FloridaMichelle[/QUOTE]

Just because you want to vent or rant does not make you automatically right. Now that you've said your peace, try reading some of the responses again. You'll find that everyone is trying to help you, not belittle you. Sometime you just need an outside source to tell you that your way of thinking was not the best.

FloridaMichelle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_venting-about-bridesmaids-gone-sour?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0298ab54-e9be-424d-a9ac-3ec9a611e193Post:e57f4907-76f3-47f1-8872-b24d50ebab65">Re: venting about bridesmaids gone sour!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]If you have not personally been in this situation, then you cannot say how someone in it should be feeling. I didn't even think to comment on this, but just to clear the air... OP, no one here is telling you how you should be feeling, just suggesting how you could try handling your situation. You told your friend you couldn't attend her engangement party weeks prior to your fiance leaving in anticipation of missing him. It's like you were setting yourself up to be miserable before you even got a chance to miss him. Of course you were going to miss him. Of couse you do miss him. Shutting yourself out of social functions because you feel you can't attend alone isn't healthy, no matter if your fiance is out of the country or if he can't make it because he has a cold.  
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I would have still gone to the party had I known ANYONE besides the bride (she told me I would know zero people because they were people from her work)  and she automatically shut down the idea of me bringing someone.  I gave her advance notice so that she wouldn't have any surprises when I did not go.  I RSVP'd, as anyone should.  Perhaps I shouldn't have given her an explanation for my decline, but I thought she would be more understanding.  (She gets upset when her fiance switches to working night shifts...) </div>

mandi195

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_venting-about-bridesmaids-gone-sour?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0298ab54-e9be-424d-a9ac-3ec9a611e193Post:325c3bb6-426b-4a91-bed6-cfbcc527830e">Re: venting about bridesmaids gone sour!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: venting about bridesmaids gone sour!!! : I would have still gone to the party had I known ANYONE besides the bride (she told me I would know zero people because they were people from her work)  and she automatically shut down the idea of me bringing someone.  I gave her advance notice so that she wouldn't have any surprises when I did not go.  I RSVP'd, as anyone should.  Perhaps I shouldn't have given her an explanation for my decline, but I thought she would be more understanding.  (She gets upset when her fiance switches to working night shifts...) 
Posted by FloridaMichelle[/QUOTE]

Well, gosh. That totally justifies your rudeness...

FloridaMichelle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_venting-about-bridesmaids-gone-sour?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0298ab54-e9be-424d-a9ac-3ec9a611e193Post:861a8279-e812-4b2e-888f-b2b7e8414534">Re: venting about bridesmaids gone sour!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: venting about bridesmaids gone sour!!! : Maybe she was disappointed that you couldn't be there to support her.  It's a party.  For a couple of hours.  Do you know everyone everywhere you go?
Posted by Edie Bee[/QUOTE]

<div>Disappointment is one thing, her flipping out is another.  But as I said, I gave her notice way in advance and she was fine with it up until the day of her party.  It's like she didn't believe me when I said I would not be attending or something.  </div>

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_venting-about-bridesmaids-gone-sour?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0298ab54-e9be-424d-a9ac-3ec9a611e193Post:325c3bb6-426b-4a91-bed6-cfbcc527830e">Re: venting about bridesmaids gone sour!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: venting about bridesmaids gone sour!!! : I would have still gone to the party had I known ANYONE besides the bride (she told me I would know zero people because they were people from her work)  and she automatically shut down the idea of me bringing someone.  I gave her advance notice so that she wouldn't have any surprises when I did not go.  I RSVP'd, as anyone should.  Perhaps I shouldn't have given her an explanation for my decline, but I thought she would be more understanding.  (She gets upset when her fiance switches to working night shifts...) 
Posted by FloridaMichelle[/QUOTE]
I totally get where you're coming from because I'm horribly shy and I get terrible anxiety. I used to excuse myself to go outside and smoke and then I'd make friends with the other smokers. Definitely not good. Despite my shyness, I'm friendly, so while I'm very uncomfortable, I usually make do. I understand how you would want to bring someone you know, but it also puts her in an awkward position. I see it from both points of view, is all.
You did right in RSVPing, but, yeah, keep all explanations out of it. She didn't need to know why you couldn't come. The excuse you gave her, while truthful, was hurtful.
You thought she'd understand, but would she, really? You don't know that she would have turned down your invitation if her fiance couldn't make it, kwim?

LDubHawksFan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_venting-about-bridesmaids-gone-sour?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0298ab54-e9be-424d-a9ac-3ec9a611e193Post:5706c9e5-825c-4993-94d7-20fc730865c4">Re: venting about bridesmaids gone sour!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: venting about bridesmaids gone sour!!! : I totally get where you're coming from because I'm horribly shy and I get terrible anxiety. I used to excuse myself to go outside and smoke and then I'd make friends with the other smokers. Definitely not good. Despite my shyness, I'm friendly, so while I'm very uncomfortable, I usually make do.<strong> I understand how you would want to bring someone you know, but it also puts her in an awkward position.</strong> I see it from both points of view, is all. You did right in RSVPing, but, yeah, keep all explanations out of it. She didn't need to know why you couldn't come. The excuse you gave her, while truthful, was hurtful. You thought she'd understand, but would she, really? You don't know that she would have turned down your invitation if her fiance couldn't make it, kwim?
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

I thought this was a good point.  Perhaps they have worked through their guest list enough to know they are having a small wedding, or maybe she isn't close enough to the other SS that she planned to invite her.  It would have been rude for that other person to be invited to a pre-wedding party and then not get an invite to the wedding. 
I don't necessarily like going to parties alone, but if it was one of my best friends, which all of my BMs were, I would suck it up for a bit.  If you didn't want to go, you shouldn't have spelled out the lame reason why.  But you really should just back up from the whole situation and take some time off.  Don't deal with the wedding plans and just see if those relationships are truly "ruined" over such petty experiences.  You have a long time until anything needs to be set in stone with the WP that you have already asked.

FloridaMichelle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_venting-about-bridesmaids-gone-sour?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0298ab54-e9be-424d-a9ac-3ec9a611e193Post:12ef1e70-7354-42ac-acca-dd067189ccf9">Re: venting about bridesmaids gone sour!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: venting about bridesmaids gone sour!!! : But it seems like you didn't go because you didn't know anyone.  I think that's a little bit silly.
Posted by Edie Bee[/QUOTE]

<div>whatever you think of my reason for not going, I still RSVP'd, sent an engagment card, and apologized the morning of for not being able to attend.   </div><div>
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FloridaMichelle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_venting-about-bridesmaids-gone-sour?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0298ab54-e9be-424d-a9ac-3ec9a611e193Post:287f247e-771b-49c5-8505-619fb4548f30">Re: venting about bridesmaids gone sour!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: venting about bridesmaids gone sour!!! : I thought this was a good point.  Perhaps they have worked through their guest list enough to know they are having a small wedding, or maybe she isn't close enough to the other SS that she planned to invite her.  It would have been rude for that other person to be invited to a pre-wedding party and then not get an invite to the wedding.  I don't necessarily like going to parties alone, but if it was one of my best friends, which all of my BMs were, I would suck it up for a bit.  If you didn't want to go, you shouldn't have spelled out the lame reason why.  But you really should just back up from the whole situation and take some time off.  Don't deal with the wedding plans and just see if those relationships are truly "ruined" over such petty experiences.  You have a long time until anything needs to be set in stone with the WP that you have already asked.
Posted by lwoehlk[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>She's mentioned eloping before, so a small wedding wouldn't even be an issue- they've talked about just going to Vegas the two of them.   I see your point though about not invited someone to a pre-wedding event that isn't invited to the wedding.  

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FloridaMichelle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_venting-about-bridesmaids-gone-sour?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0298ab54-e9be-424d-a9ac-3ec9a611e193Post:6a9e162a-00dd-47c3-b845-78761812932c">Re: venting about bridesmaids gone sour!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]whatever you think of my reason for not going, I still RSVP'd, sent an engagment card, and apologized the morning of for not being able to attend.    I'm on the OP's side about this.  She's not required to be at an e-party even if she's a bridesmaid.  It's a party, and the bride had no right to (1) probe to find out exactly why someone declined, or (2) pitch a fit because someone, even a bridesmaid, declined her invitation.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div>Thank you.</div><div>
</div><div>But just to clarify, I am not a bridesmaid in her wedding, she is one in mine.  Not sure if that's what you meant or not.  </div>

NYCMercedes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_venting-about-bridesmaids-gone-sour?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:0298ab54-e9be-424d-a9ac-3ec9a611e193Post:136702be-87f8-4b31-a00e-1fc9efe549e2">Re:venting about bridesmaids gone sour!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:venting about bridesmaids gone sour!!! : sounds like someone is a bit bitter,no?  Are you even aware of what the peace corps is?  I did not get to speak with him for two weeks.  he is in another COUNTRY.  get your head out of your ass.
Posted by FloridaMichelle[/QUOTE]

What is wrong?