Asking flower girl/ring bearer to be in party, but not their mother

[Deleted User]

Hi all,

I have a very dear friend who has two adorable little kids that the FI and I are considering asking to be our ring bearer and flower girl (ages 4 and 2).   They call me "aunt" and have apparently even refered to my FI as "uncle" on occasion.  I mentioned this to my mother and she said that I absolutely cannot have them in my wedding party because I did not ask their mother to be on of my bridesmaids (not asking her was sort of just a matter of I have a bunch of very close friends and had to choose to not include some because I would have ended up with an enormously ridiculous wedding party which the FI and I didn't want).  I just wanted to get your opinion on whether or not it's ok to ask a friend to have her kids in my wedding party if she is not?

Note - we have not even mentioned this to my friend or her husband and DEFINITELY not to the kids.  This is just an idea that the FI have tossed about.  We won't say anything to them until we are sure and, even then, we're going to give the parents the option of saying they want a kids free night of drinking and dancing (as they may well want to do that at our wedding), and not invite the kids at all.  So this is all just sort of thinking about it beforehand - there's no disinviting or letting people down involved.

Fluffernut

I don't see the problem of having them in the wedding without their mother.  As long as you are inviting the parents to the wedding, I don't think it should be an issue. 

dogsandfrogs

I was a flower girl in something like 4 weddings growing up, and not once was my mother or father in the bridal party.  I think you're perfectly fine asking to include the children as long as the parents are invited to the wedding.

Kate61487

it's not a package deal - the parents have to be invited, but don't have to be in the WP.  the kids in our WP were our niece, nephew, and younger cousins.  none of their parents were in the WP.