Choosing bridesmaids (long with lots of?s)

nlsonderman

So...I'm a lurker.

Not engaged, but wanted to throw some questions out to see what people say.  My boyfriend has 4 sisters, I have 3.  I have been in 4 other people's weddings.

First of all, my sisters have to be in the wedding party, no question as co-MOHs.  As for the four friends, well, I would be lying if I said we hadn't drifted apart, but I still love them all dearly and feel that when we do get together, its as if we never skipped a beat.  Also, one of these friends has an unmarried little sister that I am equally close to and spent many years living with in college.

As for my boyfriend's sisters, I love them to death but we aren't really BFF.  They are sweet as can be and I don't think they would mind if I didn't have them in the wedding, but at the same time they are so great and have treated me so well that I think it would be nice to have them there.  They are all around my age.

That brings the total to 13.  Sounds like a nightmare.  So, firstly, would you be offended if you were one of my friends and I didn't ask you to be in the wedding even though i was in yours, and still come as a guest?  Do you think it would be all right to not ask boyfriend's sisters?  LOL probably bad luck to be asking these questions now, and trust me I will wait till the last possible minute to make the final cut...

bablingbrooke

tldh--she's NEY.

marissa_claire

I don't even want to answer this.  If you're not even engaged, it might be years and years before you're married.  And if you need to know what that means, lurk around the boards and you'll see TONS of ladies who asked their WP very quickly or spur of the moment and they regret it later.  I wouldn't even think about this until 9-10 months before your wedding once that day comes.  Stressing about it now is just..... stressing.

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_choosing-bridesmaids-long-lots-ofs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:044be41a-9181-4988-ac80-a93c6e5b4ab9Post:2198e6b5-6a5d-45f9-bde6-c96467d256b6">Choosing bridesmaids (long with lots of?s)</a>:
[QUOTE]So...I'm a lurker. Not engaged, but wanted to throw some questions out to see what people say.  My boyfriend has 4 sisters, I have 3.  I have been in 4 other people's weddings. First of all, my sisters have to be in the wedding party, no question as co-MOHs.  As for the four friends, well, I would be lying if I said we hadn't drifted apart, but I still love them all dearly and feel that when we do get together, its as if we never skipped a beat.  Also, one of these friends has an unmarried little sister that I am equally close to and spent many years living with in college. As for my boyfriend's sisters, I love them to death but we aren't really BFF.  They are sweet as can be and I don't think they would mind if I didn't have them in the wedding, but at the same time they are so great and have treated me so well that I think it would be nice to have them there.  They are all around my age. That brings the total to 13.  Sounds like a nightmare.  So, firstly, would you be offended if you were one of my friends and I didn't ask you to be in the wedding even though i was in yours, and still come as a guest?  Do you think it would be all right to not ask boyfriend's sisters?  LOL probably bad luck to be asking these questions now, and trust me I will wait till the last possible minute to make the final cut...
Posted by nlsonderman[/QUOTE]

emilyinchile

None of this matters. The question is who do you call at 3 in the morning to bail you out of jail - those people are your BMs. It doesn't matter whether they're your sisters, his sisters, life-long friends, new friends, kinda-sorta friends who used to be good friends when you were in their weddings...forget all that. Pick the people who are closest to you in the world, end of story.

But first, get engaged. Why are you even worrying about this now?! If you insist on worrying about wedding stuff, why not start with what the ring will look like or how he'll propose instead of going into who your WP will be when you don't even know who your friends will be by the time you eventually get married?

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_choosing-bridesmaids-long-lots-ofs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:044be41a-9181-4988-ac80-a93c6e5b4ab9Post:2be13fd6-ad82-4784-80fe-2f99c085ff69">Re: Choosing bridesmaids (long with lots of?s)</a>:
[QUOTE]tldh--she's NEY.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

Wow.  Okay, I missed the first sentence.  Thanks.

lalap69

Definitely wait until your engaged to decide this.  I've always mentally done the "if I got married tomorrow, who would be my bms?" thing, but it was always more about assessing my friendships then about actually making that decision.  IIt's really getting ahead of yourself to worry about the logistics now.  Wait untl you're engaged, have a date and are less than a year out to make this decision!  You've lurked, so I'm sure you've seen all the posts by brides who have asked too early and regretted it.

trix1223

Sorry, OP, but the other ladies are spot on.  If you're not engaged yet, you could be looking at anywhere from a year from now to several years from now.  Relationships have an ebb and flow to them. 

You might not even still consider the friends as people you'd like to stand with you when you're finally about 6 months away from your wedding.  You could well have established an even closer relationship with your BF's sisters.  You could make new friends.

Heck, a child can be conceived and born in 9 months.

There are no good reasons to think about this now.  There are scores of  reasons to put off this decision until 6 months before you have a real wedding date.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_choosing-bridesmaids-long-lots-ofs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:044be41a-9181-4988-ac80-a93c6e5b4ab9Post:8a590f3a-61cb-4a30-9156-4e4d98337890">Re: Choosing bridesmaids (long with lots of?s)</a>:
[QUOTE]My advice is to not put the cart before the horse and wait until you're actually engaged, have a date set (meaning the venues booked), and a rough guest list before you pick your WP.  Sorry to be a Debbie Downer.  But trust me when I say that this is one of those things you don't want to plan before you get engaged--know all those posts from brides who asked really early and then wished they hadn't because things changed?  Same thing goes for you.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

<div>What she said.</div><div>
</div><div>If you are really a lurker, you've seen that the biggest mistake brides make with WP is asking too early.  A year out is the absolute earliest that you should ask anyone to be in your WP.  If you aren't engaged yet, it is way too early.</div><div>
</div><div>I get that you are thinking and dreaming about it, and that's cool.  But for this issue, just let it go until you actually get engaged, set a date, and get to about 9 months of it.  You'll see that a lot of these issues will work themselves out, and if they don't, we'll still be here for you to talk to about it.  </div>

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_choosing-bridesmaids-long-lots-ofs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:044be41a-9181-4988-ac80-a93c6e5b4ab9Post:762e28ce-680d-48c8-a4ae-38dd7daf0c2c">Re: Choosing bridesmaids (long with lots of?s)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Choosing bridesmaids (long with lots of?s) : What she said. If you are really a lurker, you've seen that the biggest mistake brides make with WP is asking too early.  A year out is the absolute earliest that you should ask anyone to be in your WP.  If you aren't engaged yet, it is way too early. I get that you are thinking and dreaming about it, and that's cool.  <strong>But for this issue, just let it go until you actually get engaged, set a date, and get to about 9 months of it.</strong>  You'll see that a lot of these issues will work themselves out, and if they don't, we'll still be here for you to talk to about it.  
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]
MNIN took the words right out of my mouth.  After "set a date," I would add, "figure out the size, formality, and budget of your wedding."  When we ran into funding issues, we probably would have eloped had we not already asked our attendants.

nlsonderman

this is a hypothetical thread.  I'm not about to go asking people to be in a wedding that doesn't exist.  Just trying to give fodder for discussion.  No one gave me any opinions other than wait till you're engaged to worry about it!  Done and done.

But yeah you're all totally right about waiting until the right time to make the decisions, I've seen this blow up in some friends' faces and it got ugly.

I like to lurk, I love weddings, been in tons, fun to hear about other people's weddings. 

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_choosing-bridesmaids-long-lots-ofs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:044be41a-9181-4988-ac80-a93c6e5b4ab9Post:564b5017-7f1c-4727-bef4-946a079ac78d">Re: Choosing bridesmaids (long with lots of?s)</a>:
[QUOTE]this is a hypothetical thread.  I'm not about to go asking people to be in a wedding that doesn't exist.  Just trying to give fodder for discussion.  No one gave me any opinions other than wait till you're engaged to worry about it!  Done and done. But yeah you're all totally right about waiting until the right time to make the decisions, I've seen this blow up in some friends' faces and it got ugly. I like to lurk, I love weddings, been in tons, fun to hear about other people's weddings. 
Posted by nlsonderman[/QUOTE]

Apparently you didn't read my first post here.