Venting about MOB

bosoxy

I already know what some of you will say, that I am being spoiled and a brat, but I wanted to VENT with other brides in similar situations.  That being said, this is long, sorry.  And yes, my parents are paying.

MOB has been controlling since day one.  For over a year now, this is what it has been like.  For months, she flooded my work email with dress, flower, jewelry, etc pictures.  I got her to stop emailing me at work only for her to start emailing and texting them to me at home.  And I'm talking up to a hundred a day.  No exaggeration.  I had a talk with her and all this slowed down with a few spurts.

A few months ago we had a huge blow out while she was visiting us (we live all the way cross country from my family).  She kept saying that I didn't respect her opinion by never responding to her emails/ texts.  I told her it was impossible to respond to that many.  She kept going on about how I don't want to hear her opinion.  I explained that her tastes are very different from mine, that if I don't like a particular style and have already made her aware of that, that I wasn't going to keep responding with the same answer over and over.  After some back and forth, she threatened to cut me off, not only from the wedding and the "purse strings", but from her life.  In a cool, unheated tone I told her, if that was what she wanted to do, then there was nothing I could do about it.  I explained that FI and I could go to Vegas and elope that weekend and avoid all this drama.  She then said, that she would stay out of my life, but hand over the checkbook to FOB for wedding planning.  I tired a few times to rationalize with her, telling her that I don't want her out of my life, I just need her to step down a little. During this whole fight, I was amazed that I only yelled at her once.  I was proud that I hadn't lost my cool on her even though she was screaming at me.  She eventually left the house in a temper tantrum.  When she returned, we had another calmer discussion.  Later that night, I talked to her about her wedding as a way of reminding her that she already had a great wedding and didn't need to have another with mine.  Sneaky, but it worked for a while.  It was also nice to hear more details about her big day that she had never told me so I had a genuine interest in everything she said and I think that helped.  After the blow out, things calmed down a little.  

We picked out all major venue and vendors early in the planning.  When it got to the DJ part, MOB told me she wanted to have her own dance with FOB.  I told her I did not think that was a good idea.  Our guests have sit through enough dances as it is.  Also, it felt tacky, kinda like, "hey, we're paying so we deserve the spotlight too".  It also seemed unfair because FI dad passed away when he was 7 and FMIL is not married so she wouldn't get a dance like this one that MOB wants.  FMIL will only have the dance with FI; FOB will have his dance with me; MOB will get to dance (granted with a group of people) with FOB during wedding party dance and she'll get to dance with FI and my son at other times.  I told her my compromise would be that she could pick out the song for the anniversary dance.  Mind you, if my uncles come, my parents will not be the last ones standing and she doesn't like that idea.

This week she brought it up again.  Now she's saying FOB wants it (I talked to him, and he could care less, she just uses his name because she thinks I will comply, this is how it is with everything, not just wedding) and the compromise is to start the anniversary dance off with them, then bring up the oldest married couple and move down.  I told her that would not work.  First of all, the oldest couple is the last ones dancing and then gives advice to bride and groom.  Next because how is the DJ suppose to sort through the guests to find out how long people have been married?  It doesn't make sense.  She told me to talk to the DJ about it.  I expressed my concerns over it and she started to get upset. I told her I was going to talk it over with FOB (since she kept trying to tell me that it was what HE wanted).  She begged me not to.  I dropped the subject.

I posted in the invites area about another crazy incident.  She wanted the invites to reflect that they were paying for the wedding, but not inviting.  She said she would feel like a hypocrite inviting family that she doesn't like so she didn't want her name there.  She wanted it to say...

Mr and Mrs Parents are hosting the wedding of their daughter to groom.  The happy couple invite you to their wedding...

I didn't like this because it seemed confusing to have one party hosting and one inviting.  That and it felt too much like, "we are paying, but we don't like you so they are inviting you".  Which is exactly what she wanted the family to get out of it.  I finally found some compromise wording and we moved on.  

Now she is bugging MOH (although MOH isn't complaining, she finds it funny, but I don't want MOB to offend MOH).  Since MOH is hosting Bridal Shower, MOB wants to be involved.  I don't mind that so much because at least the full financial burden is not on MOH and it gives her something to do.  MOB has taken over the planning and has made MOH her errand girl.  Theme of the wedding is eco and brids.  We will be giving bird shaped birdseed favors to guests at the wedding.  Now she wants to send seed packet invites and seed growing kits to Bridal shower guests.  I feel like it's too much seeding and might burn people out, but have not stepped in.  I'm going to leave it alone.  

Anyway, during her talks with MOH about Bridal Shower, she complains that she wants to go to Bach Party too.  She has already agreed to be babysitter though.  Without a sitter, there is no party.  I feel that I just need one, just one event of this wedding that she doesn't have a hand in.  I understand that I have no say in who attends and all the planning, but Just one thing, please?

Oh and I think she has been stalking me on the boards so it is likely that she will read this and start a whole new war.  But I can't deal anymore.  I did talk to FOB and he said I was her obsession.  He is going to try to help.  But I know her, she's going to get hurt and upset that we ganged up on her and not want to come to the wedding.  That's not what I want.  I want her to enjoy this day too, I just want to be less stressed leading up to it.

Sorry for the length.  Just needed to get it all out with like minded people and people who won't agree with me at all too.