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BM Gift Question

I know that I shouldn't be thinking of my BMs at all yet, but I have an intended list. (my MOH has been my bestie since I have been 6, so I think after 20 years it's safe to call her that).

I'm a buyer, so for our wedding, I can get a lot of stuff wholesale. I wanted to take advantage of this with my BM gifts.

My original idea was to get them a necklace and then get them a pair of shoes to wear on the wedding day. All the same color but different style depending on the girls. ei, I know my bestie for 20 years is self conscious of the fact she's 5'10" so I would get her flats and I know that my school roomie looooove stilettos more than life, so if I ask her, I would pick a peep toe with a heel she would die for.

I read the "Letting Bridesmaids Pick Their Own Shoe..." post and started stressing. Am I way off? Should I scratch this idea and look for another? Or is this still a genuine idea? I know it's early, but I get my mind set on something, sometimes it needs to be knocked out of my head in order for me to start thinking about something else.
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Re: BM Gift Question

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    shoes are kinda personal. unless you're 130% sure that you know that they would love what you picked out for them, i would nix the idea. plus, getting them a pair of shoes to wear for your wedding isn't much of a gift imo as you're requiring them to wear them.
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    Don't get them shoes, and don't worry about this right now.

    The only exception I could see is if you're talking about really pricey designer shoes that you KNOW they would love, and that you as a buyer could get a good deal for.
    image
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    xoxobxoxob member
    First Comment
    edited April 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-gift-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:04bc1220-aad0-40f3-a876-8a363a735c3dPost:82e641c2-f0a9-4497-b4f1-42597fcddddf">Re: BM Gift Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Don't get them shoes, and don't worry about this right now. The only exception I could see is if you're talking about <strong>really pricey designer shoes that you KNOW they would love, and that you as a buyer could get a good deal for.</strong>
    Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]


    That's kind of what I was talking about. They wouldn't all be the same color, or anything. Just shoes that are normally very expensive and they would never buy for themselves at full retail. I probably should have made that more clear.
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    If you know that they would love them, then that makes more sense IMO.
    image
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    I don't think you BM gifts should be something they have to wear the day of the wedding.
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    xoxobxoxob member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-gift-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:04bc1220-aad0-40f3-a876-8a363a735c3dPost:b69125d9-3d5e-41e9-9f51-63a034bae865">Re: BM Gift Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't think you BM gifts should be something they have to wear the day of the wedding.
    Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]

    NDA, if you don't mind me asking, what did/are you getting your BMs? Everyone I know has gotten them jewelry to wear the day of.
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    xoxob, items to wear for your wedding day (like jewelery) generally aren't considered presents because they're for your wedding, rather than for the girls.  On this board we advise brides to shop for their BMs as though it was their birthday.  However, if you're buying them things based on their preferences that you think they'd love and would wear anyway (and if you're giving them the choice of whether or not to wear it on the wedding day), then I think it's okay.  I advise shopping for them as friends first and BMs second. :)
    Planning Our Wedding - Updated 04/11/11
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    "If you can't think of something nice to say, don't say something nice" - Stephen Colbert
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    xoxobxoxob member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-gift-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:04bc1220-aad0-40f3-a876-8a363a735c3dPost:7a4a3f30-d9fd-43db-a7c1-4a81670565c9">Re: BM Gift Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]xoxob, items to wear for your wedding day (like jewelery) generally aren't considered presents because they're for your wedding, rather than for the girls.  On this board we advise brides to shop for their BMs as though it was their birthday.  However, if you're buying them things based on their preferences that you think they'd love and would wear anyway (and if you're giving them the choice of whether or not to wear it on the wedding day), then I think it's okay.  I advise shopping for them as friends first and BMs second. :)
    Posted by lalap69[/QUOTE]

    Ok, I've lurked the boards enough. I just know what I've seen at RD's given out. I wasn't planning on telling them they must wear the shoes, although if they choose to do so, it would be nice :) . Like I said, I was thinking of them and something that they would never spend on themselves in stores.
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    That's why I said that if you think that's what they'd love, I think it's okay. :)

    FWIW, my sister bought me a bracelet I'd wanted for my MOH present and I was very happy.  I didn't have to wear it for the wedding, but I did, and I've worn it several times since because it was my personal style.

    If you're looking for other ideas, Stina and I believe Blackfire list what they bought their BM's in their bios.
    Planning Our Wedding - Updated 04/11/11
    imageWedding Countdown Ticker
    "If you can't think of something nice to say, don't say something nice" - Stephen Colbert
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    As someone obsessed with shoes, I think it's a great idea as long as you aren't offended if they choose not to wear them to the wedding.
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    xoxobxoxob member
    First Comment
    Thaaanks. I will lurk.  I know I shouldn't be thinking about this now, but if I want to get them something like the shoes I would have to order it this January to get them for next September.

    I would never get them something uniform since they're all different ladies. But it would be nice to get them some kind of accessory they could wear, if they chose to.

    :/ Sigh.
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    xoxobxoxob member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-gift-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:04bc1220-aad0-40f3-a876-8a363a735c3dPost:d1647ee2-4ec4-4da2-b176-c0b803d2fb81">Re: BM Gift Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thaaanks. I will lurk. And for the record, hon, I don't see anyone telling you that you should have lurked before posting this.  Did someone delete posts?
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]


    No no!! Lap said that there were some images of WP gifts in specific bios. I was thanking her for pointing those out. I meant lurk the bios, not the board.  Poor word choice.

    Also, you're totally right about the fit. :( Bums me out now. I could always look at high end accessories. We're just such shoe girls. But you're right, you're right. Fit is so different and I don't want them to feel obligated to wear them on the wedding day. I need to strike it from my mind.
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    I'm getting each of my girls a navy blue and canvas bag from lands end (and a small pink one for the flower girl, my niece and one of my bridesmaid's daughter).  I've bought frames that say "sisters" because they're all my sisters/sisters-in-law and I will put a photo of us in it after the wedding.  I am also thinking little things like a mini bottle of champagne, jewelry (we're getting married in Narragansett, RI and there is a store there that sells beautiful sterling silver jewelry, I'm thinking a bracelet), flip-flops from old navy, a starbucks gift card, lip gloss.  Stuff like that.  I've only got three, so that should be too expensive.  I'm buying things slowly, so it's not too much of a financial burden all at one time.  So far, I've bought the frames and the bags, and I've got about 4 months to pick up little things as I see them.  So, that's my plan!  
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    xoxobxoxob member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-gift-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:04bc1220-aad0-40f3-a876-8a363a735c3dPost:86076a97-6b32-4bde-81cd-bca38a1eb650">Re: BM Gift Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ah, okay.  I thought you were being sarcastic bc someone had told you to lurk first and your basically 3/4 of the way to being a reg already.  :)
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    Yay! :)
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-gift-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:04bc1220-aad0-40f3-a876-8a363a735c3dPost:a21d740e-bba9-4779-9da5-ddf94c0a9a42">Re: BM Gift Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: BM Gift Question : NDA, if you don't mind me asking, what did/are you getting your BMs? Everyone I know has gotten them jewelry to wear the day of.
    Posted by xoxob[/QUOTE]
    Haha I'm not engaged. I think great gifts are cute cluthes from etsy, spa treatments or whatever you'd typically get your friends for gifts (b-day/ Christmas). I've received jewelery as my "gift" the 2 times I was BM and I thought it kind of sucked.
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    xoxobxoxob member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-gift-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:04bc1220-aad0-40f3-a876-8a363a735c3dPost:8280dc62-2213-46a4-8773-0fce408794e6">Re: BM Gift Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: BM Gift Question : Haha I'm not engaged. I think great gifts are cute cluthes from etsy, spa treatments or whatever you'd typically get your friends for gifts (b-day/ Christmas). I've received jewelery as my "gift" the 2 times I was BM and I thought it kind of sucked.
    Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]

    Oh, haha! OK. Thanks for the opinion on the jewelry. I will avoid it, unless I find something that slaps me in the face for a specific BM.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-gift-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:04bc1220-aad0-40f3-a876-8a363a735c3dPost:7a0920ef-f7e0-48bb-9566-09e2c3aed13f">Re: BM Gift Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: BM Gift Question : Oh, haha! OK. Thanks for the opinion on the jewelry. I will avoid it, unless I find something that slaps me in the face for a specific BM.
    Posted by xoxob[/QUOTE]
    Yea, I mean if one of  your BM's loves jewelery and will be thrilled with it then go for it. I just wouldn't require her to wear it during the wedding. Etsy has tons and tons of great ideas.
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    xoxobxoxob member
    First Comment
    Since I have been on a new search (like I said, if I want wholesale I have to have an idea of what I am looking for come January) I was thinking about real pearl earrings! I'm going to be wearing my Grandmother's pearls (because my dad would kick my butt up the aisle instead of walk it there if I didn't, and because I love them), so I thought just a realy nice pearl stud could be simple, classy, and easily worn again?
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    xoxobxoxob member
    First Comment
    That's really good to hear! On the list of potentials! If I don't see anything else that really speaks to me for each girl. I want a back-up uniform plan, too. Uuuugh. I should be glad that my number one wedding worry is making my best friends happy over a year from now.

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    I love the handbag idea!  I'd kill for a nice handbag.  Use your buyer skills for good!  A purse is always good, in my world.
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    It really comes down to your bm's.  While Stage might love pearl earrings, I would not and I'm pretty sure 3-4 of my 6 bm wouldn't care for them either.  Of course they are nice, but I'm not a big earring person and I have other earrings that I would prefer to wear before pearls.

    You mentioned that you really want something that they can wear for your wedding (if they wanted to).  Why is that?  Whatever you give them for being a bm will remind them of your wedding and friendship even if they don't actually use it on your wedding day.
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    Repeat this to your self: My Wedding Party is made of my family and friends and I should treat them as such.
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    xoxobxoxob member
    First Comment
    edited April 2010
    I came to the pearls thinking about my (intended as none of them are officially asked yet) girls.

    I don't know why I really want it to be something they can wear if they choose...I guess because, it would just be great to see them appreciating their gifts on a day that means a lot to me, because their appreciation means a lot to me. I know that when it boils down to it, if they wear it or not, it doesn't matter, what matters is that I give them something to say thanks that they will enjoy forever. I think it may also have to do with for all of my major birthdays and events like graduations and such, my mom always gave me a gift before the birthday or event that I would use on that day. I know it totally has nothing to do with my BMs, but...you know...old habits die hard.
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    I love shoes, especially fancy designer ones, but unless you know your friends have tried on a specific pair, I think it's too risky - no point having Loubs that just sit in your closet because they're uncomfortable. If you think each individual girl would love pearls, then that's a really thoughtful gift, but as blackfire pointed out, it depends on their tastes. I don't think BM gifts have to all be the same, so you could do pearl for some, a handbag for another, etc. FWIW, mine were all giftcards (easier to pack from Chile) but to different stores they each like.

    I get where you're coming from with wanting to give them something to wear on your wedding day, but honestly I don't think that's the best motivation. That has to do with YOUR memories and what YOU want - not something that'll make the gift better for them. You say that you want this because it means a lot to you, but the idea of a gift is to be selfless and  think of what your friends will like. I'd let go of this idea and just focus on getting them presents for their individual tastes. If those end up being things that could be used for the wedding, they might end up wearing them, but I'd look at that as a bonus.
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    xoxobxoxob member
    First Comment
    In Response to Re: BM Gift Question:
    [QUOTE. If those end up being things that could be used for the wedding, they might end up wearing them, but I'd look at that as a bonus.
    Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

    That's what I was trying for. But, you're all right and wiser! Since I have the designer connection, I'm going to hope that there are some clutches/scarves/etc that catch my eye for them come Feb fashion week.
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    I forgot to add that I wear a size 40 European and will happily take any shoes that do not fit your BMs :) I also like bags and other accessories, no discrimination here.
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    xoxobxoxob member
    First Comment
    Noted! ;)
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