Wedding Party

FI's bachelor party.... (no this isnt about strippers :)

i KNOW this is supposed to be none of my business, but the GM keep asking about the bachelor party or any plans and I know this is going to come to a head sometime or another and I hope you ladies can offer me some advice.

FFIL is planning the bachelor party" for FI at some fishing lodge or somthing like that which apparently will be very $$. The people going will be FFIL, FI, FI's BIL, some great uncle we barely know, and the best man. There are two other groomsmen in the BP. My concern is this: FI has said that you know...FFIL is paying and its very $$ and I cant ask more people to come....dah dah dah. my response was , "It's nice of your dad to pay, but last time I checked people usually pay their own expenses for things like this So how are your other friends who wanted to be there for your bachelor party going to feel knowing that you guys left them out?"
And they WILL find out, I refuse to keep those sort of secrets and I know they will ask about it.
I suggested to FI that he consider having a small party or pub crawl or somthing with ALL the groomsmen if he is intent on having this overly exclusive party, and he tells me that we dont have the time, that we dont have too, that "this is fine"...yes I'm sure it's fine for those who were invited....
Basically I need backup, to prove to this man that no, I am not the only person in the world that thinks this stinks. IMO, if he didnt want these guys at the b-party, then he really shouldnt have asked them to be groomsmen. If he's being as incredibly rude as I think he's being then I will sure tell him.
FI tries to get away with lots of etiquette no-no's because his parents and friends have thrown some of the rudest parties, weddings, events I have ever come across and he thinks this is how normal people behave and that two wrongs make a right. :S

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Re: FI's bachelor party.... (no this isnt about strippers :)

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    It sounds more like a mens weekend than a bachelor party.  However, Fl shouldn't plan his own parties, so unless he other GMs, friends or BM plans him a more relaxed b-party, he won't get one.  It's up to them.  I would just leave it in their hands and let them sort it out.  
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    It sounds like it's a family get-together rather than a bachelor party with friends, especially since FFIL is paying.

    I would imagine that, if the groomsmen want to throw your FI a bachelor party, they will step up and throw something else for him. If it's a matter of finances, they can always play cards in someone's basement or something.

    If someone directly asks your FI about the party, I think it's fine for him to say something like, "If this is going to be an actual bachelor party then I'd feel better if all my groomsmen could come." If not, though, and your FI feels bad about the other groomsmen not being there, he could always host a get-together himself (which means he pays the bill) and invite whoever he wants, and call it a "get-together" rather than a "bachelor party" (so that nobody feels obligated to pay for him, since it'd be rude for your FI to plan a party in his own honor and have other people foot the bill).
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    no, no, not going to tell people, but when the groomsmen wanna know why he's been gone for a four day weekend right before the wedding I am not intending to lie about it, like he appears to want... I do NOT respect people who make up stories about where they were, I had a friend who did this all the time for no reason and if my FI were to try an pull this I would truly loose some respect for him.
    It just seems very uncool, like my sister throwing me a bach party and saying "well I could only invite this many, so I invited half your wedding party and the other half...well too bad. If I were the one left out, I would be wondering why the person thought I was good enough to be a groomsman and then went and left me out of the party.
    He's mentioned the trip in front of all of them (bad), so we will see what happens, but he hasnt left them alot of time to plan anything since our weekends off being shift workers are very limited. I've explained to him that he has to keep his trap shut infront of people who are not invited to things....just like the wedding...but no avail.
    I've decided to throw a bash at our place for the whole wedding party since FI doesn't seem to think its nessesary to thank our friends, he figures since we have paid for the dresses and tuxedos we don't have to pay for anything else. He actually yelled at me for buying bridesmaids gifts, going off about how we already bought these expensive dresses...yadda yadda yadda.
    Ive left it to them, and am not going to get involved, but I will be showing our appreciation to our friends. I am not convinced that because they have been rude at their events (ie not inviting SO's to events, seating couples apart, not giving their groomsmen any sort of token of appreciation, asking for cash on their invites, inviting and disinviting guests, cash bars....the list goes on), that it is ok for us to do it too.
    This isnt a big deal in retrospect I guess, but I still don't think he's being particularily sensitive to others feelings and I am going to hear about it from their GF's (two are my BM's), who are going to tell me what they think whether or not they want to hear it.
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