How to deal with a friend that wants to be a bridesmaid...

eav2c

My wedding isn't for another year but ever since I got engaged everyone wants to be my friend... I think it's funny actually. People that haven't talked to me in years are now trying to be friends... I'm not sure if they want an invite or what.

But, I have a good friend who wants to be a bridesmaid... When I was in college, she was my sorority "little sister"... We were close for quite some time but as the years went by and the college years drifted away, our friendship didn't maintain it's closeness.

I still talk to her occasionally but ever since I got engaged and started planning my wedding she has insisted that we do something. She had been engaged a couple of years back & I was going to be one of her bridesmaids... However, the wedding never happened.

In any event, she's one of those people who you can tell exactly what she wants. We haven't seen eachother in over a year and now all the sudden she desperately wants to do something. We talked briefly and she mentioned that she was a bridesmaid in another wedding... She has been hinting at it everytime we talk.

She wants to go out to lunch next week... I would love to see her but have no intentons of having her as a bridesmaid. I have planned to say if it comes up that I didn't know who would be in my wedding as my wedding is so far out. But, I know that wont satisfy her... Eventually, I'm gonna have to be honest with her.

I have planned on inviting her to my wedding... But it will come up (trust me, she can sometimes be tasteless with the things she says)... She isn't the smartest person and really has no sense of what's proper and what isn't. I know she will be heartbroken when she finds out... She was upset over the fact that I didn't tell her right away that I was engaged... So, her not being a bridesmaid will "devastate" her.

Luckily, I am planning to old-friends from back home as my bridesmaid and ONE sorority sister... So, I could easily say that I have asked my longest friends to be in my wedding. But, I really don't want to hurt her feelings.

Has anyone dealt with a similiar situation? What would be the proper way to tell her no? I will not bring it up to her... But, trust me, she WILL bring it up to me.

Thanks!

megk8oz

For now, just don't talk wedding with her. If she brings it up, just change the subject. Don't select your actual WP until you're about 9 months out (Even if you know who you want, just wait a little longer). When that time comes, a simple "My BMs are X, Y, and Z" just needs to be said. Usually if the person you're dealing with is sane, this by itself is sufficient. Since you're planning on inviting her to the wedding, if she actually asks "Why?", you've got the very easy out of "Well, we simply couldn't ask everybody, that's just crazy, but I really hope you can make the wedding!".

Do not explain to her why you didn't pick her or why you picked other people over her ... that never goes over well, nobody wants to hear that. And it won't actually make it any easier on yourself.

I had a friend that was really pushy about being a BM. I was one for her, and essentially, she felt that I "owed" it to her. Meanwhile, being in her wedding almost completely killed the friendship because she was such a bridezilla. The only reason why I have anything to do with her at all to this day is because DH and I get along really well with her husband ... and even that's starting to wear thin. I refused to back down and I refused to be a jerk about it (So I never explained that spending more than 5 minutes discussing anything wedding-related with her made me want to shoot myself, lol) and eventually she let it go and was fine with being a guest.

eav2c

Thanks so much

Well, she's already brought it up... But just kind of went around actually saying it. I did change the subject immediately. The next time it came up, I had to get off the phone anyway, so I told her we'd talk later and I was late for work.

I can be a major push-over... But I refuse to be in this case. She has a heart of gold & will go out of her way for anyone... But, I already know who I want to be in the wedding... And we want a small WP. If we were having a huge bridal party, it'd be a different story... But, I just dont want to ruin my friendship with her. Hopefully, she will be sane about it

Thanks again!

gottahavashorti

Just keep avoiding it or tell her that you're nowhere near ready to start thinking about who you want in the WP yet.

I was asked point blank shortly before I got engaged by someone who may have had a better idea than me that it was coming up shortly.  It threw me completely off guard and not being engaged yet, I had no clue what size WP I wanted, thought WPs were chosen immediately anyway so I didn't stand my ground and say that I wasn't ready to choose my WP yet.  I really wish that it had been dropping hints or that I'd had some idea that I was going to be asked that.

suz62984

For those who want to suddenly be your friend: Be nice but only talk(minimally) about the wedding if they ask about it. Be polite but don't feel obligated to send them an invite just because they were suddenly nice. This happens to all of us and you can't invite everybody.

For the girl who wants to be a BM: if she asks again just say. "Wow I have so much time to think about that stuff that I'm just going to take my time and enjoy being engaged for awhile. Thats a great top. Where did you get it?"

AlmostMrs.Munoz

I would just tell her for now something like "well the wedding is still a ways away and we haven't made any decisions about a lot of things yet" if she presses you for a "but you know I'm going to be one right?" just repeat the phrase you said before and change the subject.

When you do finally "announce" your BMs (I agree with PP that even though you know who you want now, I would keep to yourself til later) just state who it is and leave it alone. If worse comes to worse, you can blame it on other things to spare her feelings and to keep her from freaking out. Like even BM/GM numbers (dumb I know.. but she might see some shred of logic in it...,hahah)  GOOD LUCK!