How can they think this is okay?

trix1223

On the favors board:

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_favor-ideas-3

scroll down to the post where the bride is thinking of giving candy bars with a thank you note on the back.  Yes, she's thinking that if she does that, she can skip having to write out TY's after the wedding.

Unbe-freakin'-lievable.

bablingbrooke

Lol.  Love it.  

banana468

I think some people are just never taught how big a deal a TY note really is.  My mother and father drilled it into me from the time I could write that the giver need to be thanked properly.

But I know that not everyone was taught that so they don't "get" how big a deal it is.

So if this is a person who was never taught that she should be sending TY notes after every Christmas, birthday, graduation gift, etc, then it's a good thing she's on TK  

And her parents should be reprimanded.

gottahavashorti

I always hated writing thank you notes for gifts where I thanked the giver in person already but my mother always insisted   I do tend to procrastinate them when I only have a couple to write, but not when there are a ton.  We had the thank yous for our shower and wedding in the mail in under a week and it wasn't a huge burden.

I would think that writing a thank you for the gift on a candy wrapper would seem like a slap in the face to those who didn't give a gift, and unappreciative to those who did.

bablingbrooke

Also, who the heck reads the candy wrapper?  

AdeleDazeem

1. She sounds very vendorish, doesn't she?  She mentions the name of the website at least twice.

2. Generic thank yous or Christmas cards make me rather angry.  CVS printed your Christmas message on some nice photo paper and then the giver just puts it in an envelope.  I always want them to at least SIGN THEIR NAME, but nope.  Nadda.  Why did you bother sending it again? 

Wispra

I don't even want to look! It makes me cringe! Yeah getting writers cramp sucks, but handwritten TY notes, even with generic messages, go SUCH a long way towards even something as simple as making the person's day. It's so important. I know I'm reiterating what everyone's said, but there was a reaosn Mom and Dad drilled it into us at Graduation. People make us feel special on our special days. They deserve to be recognized and appreciaated for it, not treated like generic garbage.

Harsh but true

Wispra

On a side note I think the candy wrapper idea would be a good one if you wanted to add cute quotes you like, or even unknown facts about the two of you. I love how Dove Chocolate does that, but as replacements for Thank You cards? Ug Ug and Ug.

banana468

Joy, I"m with you on the generic notes.

Depending on how I feel after Chiquitabanana arrives though, it's going to be tough to be personal with all the cards this year.

bablingbrooke

You at least have an excuse with a baby.  What's your excuse after a wedding?

quotequeen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-think-this-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:06d2c5b6-0cbd-4889-b878-e5adbacd9d57Post:1f648e1b-6951-48e5-8beb-f1125088b242">Re: How can they think this is okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]You at least have an excuse with a baby.  What's your excuse after a wedding?
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

Planning a wedding is just sooooooo taxing.  You know, that's why brides need so much support from their friends.

PharmacyBride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-think-this-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:06d2c5b6-0cbd-4889-b878-e5adbacd9d57Post:1f648e1b-6951-48e5-8beb-f1125088b242">Re: How can they think this is okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]You at least have an excuse with a baby.  What's your excuse after a wedding?
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

<div>making babies?!  lol</div>

KatyRoseM

At least she learned from what people were saying, I have to give her credit for admitting she was wrong. 

trix1223

Katy, I agree.  My OP was made before she came back and said she didn't realize what a faux pas she would be committing.

trix1223

great.  And now belle2b is saying that people who are offended when they don't receive TY notes are "superficial".  Okay then, I'm proudly superficial.  As are my husband, children, and my dearly missed mom who taught me the art of gracious thank you notes.

Belle2Be

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-think-this-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:06d2c5b6-0cbd-4889-b878-e5adbacd9d57Post:8803a28d-96d6-441f-9246-b08990c77a44">Re: How can they think this is okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]great.  And now belle2b is saying that people who are offended when they don't receive TY notes are "superficial".  Okay then, I'm proudly superficial.  As are my husband, children, and my dearly missed mom who taught me the art of gracious thank you notes.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]
I can read here too :) It is a pretty minor offense in the big scheme of things, no matter how you were raised. 

SSaltzman87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-think-this-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:06d2c5b6-0cbd-4889-b878-e5adbacd9d57Post:56a62f30-842e-4087-8c64-b9814d9544b6">Re: How can they think this is okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, who the heck reads the candy wrapper?  
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

Ditto! I'd throw mine in the garbage after I'm finished like most normal people do :-P

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-think-this-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:06d2c5b6-0cbd-4889-b878-e5adbacd9d57Post:18ec4133-6961-48c2-93cd-8564f9a1d38e">Re: How can they think this is okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How can they think this is okay? : I can read here too :) It is a pretty minor offense in the big scheme of things, no matter how you were raised. 
Posted by Belle2Be[/QUOTE]
Go ahead and test that out.  Let us know how that works out for you.  

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-think-this-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:06d2c5b6-0cbd-4889-b878-e5adbacd9d57Post:18ec4133-6961-48c2-93cd-8564f9a1d38e">Re: How can they think this is okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How can they think this is okay? : I can read here too :) It is a pretty minor offense in the big scheme of things, no matter how you were raised. 
Posted by Belle2Be[/QUOTE]

Oh, I know that you can read on multiple boards.  And post on multiple boards.  That doesn't mean you're right.  On either board. 

Belle2Be

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-think-this-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:06d2c5b6-0cbd-4889-b878-e5adbacd9d57Post:258c45f5-5e83-4b98-9a4c-00b09296f505">Re: How can they think this is okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How can they think this is okay? : Go ahead and test that out.  Let us know how that works out for you.  
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]
LOL I never said I wasn't sending them out. Just that I don't think poorly of someone who doesn't :)

bablingbrooke

Then why go around telling people, "It's not a big deal if you don't send them out!"  Practice what you preach, hon.  Wouldn't you feel bad if someone decided not to send out TYs because they heard you say it wasn't a big deal (and assumed you wouldn't say that unless it was true) and then it came back to bite them?  Think about that before you give advice like that.

Belle2Be

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-think-this-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:06d2c5b6-0cbd-4889-b878-e5adbacd9d57Post:92318089-e23b-4000-8926-d2f745e7438d">Re: How can they think this is okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How can they think this is okay? : Oh, I know that you can read on multiple boards.  And post on multiple boards.  That doesn't mean you're right.  On either board. 
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]
Fortunatly you posting your opinion doesn't make me any more wrong than it makes you right.

Belle2Be

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-think-this-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:06d2c5b6-0cbd-4889-b878-e5adbacd9d57Post:46b503c5-5295-4fc7-a528-33e8d6f0ed74">Re: How can they think this is okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]Then why go around telling people, "It's not a big deal if you don't send them out!"  Practice what you preach, hon.  Wouldn't you feel bad if someone decided not to send out TYs because they heard you say it wasn't a big deal (and assumed you wouldn't say that unless it was true) and then it came back to bite them?  Think about that before you give advice like that.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

She said that in her circle, its not a big deal. In mine, it isn't either, but my mom would have my butt if I didn't.  I wouldn't feel bad in the slightest if I didn't recieve a TY card, handwritten or otherwise, how could something like that come back to bite them? "Oh, I heard you don't send TY notes so you're not going to get approved for this loan/hired for this job/ get the medical attention you need"?  Like honestly, it is not that serious.

bablingbrooke

It's rude and people have been known to hold grudges over rudeness.  So please stop telling people to not do something that even you know you should do.  Someone might take your advice.  If you weren't sending them out fine, pass on the bad idea.  But you're not.  So why say it?  I don't get that.  It's like telling someone that they should boot a BM when they've never been in that situation themselves--they don't know what they're talking about and are doing the person a disservice by making it sound like a good idea that other people do on a regular basis. 

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-think-this-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:06d2c5b6-0cbd-4889-b878-e5adbacd9d57Post:298458be-0ed7-4f4b-a062-c892f3b38ec1">Re: How can they think this is okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How can they think this is okay? : She said that in her circle, its not a big deal. In mine, it isn't either, but my mom would have my butt if I didn't.  I wouldn't feel bad in the slightest if I didn't recieve a TY card, handwritten or otherwise, how could something like that come back to bite them? "Oh, I heard you don't send TY notes so you're not going to get approved for this loan/hired for this job/ get the medical attention you need"?  Like honestly, it is not that serious.
Posted by Belle2Be[/QUOTE]


Belle, you're right.  It's not like someone's not going to be denied a loan or medical attention if they don't send a TY.

But.....when they receive the invitation to the baby shower~they might well think twice about spending their time and money on another gift when the gift given three years ago hasn't been acknowledged.

 I stopped sending my BIL's sons (yes, my nephews) anything more than a card when they never acknowledged any birthday, Christmas, or graduation gift.  Does that make me superficial?  I don't think so.  But it does make them look greedy and gift-grabby.

banana468

Is not sending a TY note as rude as slapping your friend's homecoming date in the face?  Absolutely not.

BUT, receiving a gift and not expressing thanks to the giver IS rude.  It may not be the rudest thing but it certainly is a rude thing to do.  And I'm obviously not in my mother's generation but when people take forever to send a TY note or never bother to send one, I definitely notice.  It also makes me wonder if the recipient even cared that I took the time to care for them.  It leaves a pretty sucky taste in the mouth.