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At My Wits End!!!

I know that my husband means well, but in an effort to make not anybody feel left out, he is absolutely determined to have EVERYBODY be in the bridal party, and we've counted it out to 16 people, not including the MOH/ BM/ Flower Girl/ etc.  I just don't think he understands that the more people we have, the more expensive and time-consuming it will be! That is a LOT of people to be accountable for! On top of that, the ones that we have asked are throwing a fit because we cannot accomodate their significant others into the party as well, as doing so would STILL leave people without partners. Everybody has been getting along well, and we initially partnered everyone up based on height, so why all the fuss now? I am honestly on the verge of just having the MOH/BM and not even child attendants because that is also turning into another whole new fiasco. What should I do?
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Re: At My Wits End!!!

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    Asking your bridal party at a year and a half out is a REALLY bad idea, not to mention that it's totally unnecessary so early in the game. If you haven't asked every single person yet, then stop right now!

    You don't have to have partners for everyone. You can ask as many or as few people as you like, as can he. If he wants 10 groomsmen and you only want a MOH, that's totally fine. You don't need even sides.

    If people are pressuring you to include their significant others in the party, and you weren't planning on it, say, "Sorry but we already have things worked out" and ignore them. But I would STRONGLY advise against doing a bridal party dance or a bridal party-only head table, so that people won't need to be separated from their significant others at the reception. If someone has a problem with his girlfriend doing a 20-second walk down the aisle with another guy, though, that's none of your concern. And someone who's yelling at you for not including their partner is not a real friend, so don't be bullied into it.

    Since you've already asked all these people ... well, sorry, but you're stuck. You can't cut people out without hurting their feelings. The only thing you MIGHT be able to do is scrap the entire bridal party and have nobody up there at all ... it might hurt some feelings, but if you have NOBODY then they can't argue that you're playing favorites. But if you tell half the people they're out and half the people that they are the lucky survivors, then that's just scummy. It's either all or none at this point.

    Lesson learned - don't jump the gun next time.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wits-end?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0832ab5c-c890-4685-bbcf-cb64c48955ecPost:1b6a0e9a-9e1a-4a7c-b8e8-f3946c1e25a0">At My Wits End!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know that my husband means well, but in an effort to make not anybody feel left out, he is absolutely determined to have EVERYBODY be in the bridal party, and we've counted it out to 16 people, not including the MOH/ BM/ Flower Girl/ etc.  I just don't think he understands that the more people we have, the more expensive and time-consuming it will be! That is a LOT of people to be accountable for! On top of that, the ones that we have asked are throwing a fit because we cannot accomodate their significant others into the party as well, as doing so would STILL leave people without partners. Everybody has been getting along well, and we initially partnered everyone up based on height, so why all the fuss now? I am honestly on the verge of just having the MOH/BM and not even child attendants because that is also turning into another whole new fiasco. What should I do?
    Posted by TheSailoretteSuite[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Your FI can pick his side and you can pick your side. If he wants 16 GM, then so be it. But do NOT be pressured into having his GM's spouses as BMs. That is NOT their call nor your FI, it is yours and ONLY yours. </div><div>
    </div><div>Your FI needs to tell his GM that it is not his side and that he will not tell you what to do. As for the FG/RB, you and your FI pick who you two want or just not have a FG/RB. If you have any young family members, I would go with your closest ones and be done with it.</div><div>
    </div><div> Basically, there isn't much you can do with your FI side, but as for your side and FG/RB you need to stick to your guns on who you want. If other GMs have a problem with it, too bad. </div><div>
    </div>
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wits-end?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0832ab5c-c890-4685-bbcf-cb64c48955ecPost:1b6a0e9a-9e1a-4a7c-b8e8-f3946c1e25a0">At My Wits End!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know that my husband means well, but in an effort to make not anybody feel left out, he is absolutely determined to have EVERYBODY be in the bridal party, and we've counted it out to 16 people, not including the MOH/ BM/ Flower Girl/ etc.  I just don't think he understands that the more people we have, the more expensive and time-consuming it will be! That is a LOT of people to be accountable for! <strong>On top of that, the ones that we have asked are throwing a fit because we cannot accomodate their significant others into the party as well, as doing so would STILL leave people without partners</strong>. Everybody has been getting along well, and we initially partnered everyone up based on height, so why all the fuss now? I am honestly on the verge of just having the MOH/BM and not even child attendants because that is also turning into another whole new fiasco. What should I do?
    Posted by TheSailoretteSuite[/QUOTE]

    You're still 1.5 years from your wedding, relax a little bit. You picked your WP way too early but there's not much you can do about that now.

    If your FI has already asked these people to be in your wedding then it would be rude of you to just have a MOH/BM. You shouldn't kick people out of your WP.

    Don't worry so much about numbers. If you FI is close with these people then he had every right to ask them.

    I don't understand the bolded part. Are SOs not invited to the wedding?
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wits-end?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:0832ab5c-c890-4685-bbcf-cb64c48955ecPost:10a61e60-3603-41f1-9b84-6ddc403ce093">Re: At My Wits End!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to At My Wits End!!! :
    I don't understand the bolded part. Are SOs not invited to the wedding?
    Posted by SD3194[/QUOTE]

    I was under the impression that including the signficant others would throw off the even numbers (partners = escorts during the processional)?
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wits-end?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0832ab5c-c890-4685-bbcf-cb64c48955ecPost:2f63516e-4067-4db9-b7c4-d23fa3351116">Re: At My Wits End!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: At My Wits End!!! : I was under the impression that including the signficant others would throw off the even numbers (partners = escorts during the processional)?
    Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]


    That's so weird to me. I would be pretty irritated if someone's SO was pressuring me into having them in the wedding party just so they could walk together.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wits-end?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:0832ab5c-c890-4685-bbcf-cb64c48955ecPost:71bd205a-e404-43f6-ade6-102fb5af9344">Re: At My Wits End!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: At My Wits End!!! : That's so weird to me. I would be pretty irritated if someone's SO was pressuring me into having them in the wedding party just so they could walk together.
    Posted by SD3194[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, that's just the sign of an insecure psycho.
    image
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    ThautThaut member
    First Comment
    I agree with everyone that your wedding is a year and a half away and choosing your WP this early is not the best thing.   Alot changes in that time.  Unless you are talking about sisters, brothers, family I would wait before you ask everyone.  I made the mistake and last February asked my best friend since we were 2 to be in my wedding and since then we have not spoken. (she is older than me, and was not too excited I was engaged before her:/)  Point is, things change, relationships change, people change.  As for WP saying they want their SO to be apart of it, that is unheard of.  I love my friends but barely know some of their husbands/boyfriends.  Maybe have a table just for the SOs at the reception?  That is it I would say though.  Good Luck to you :) You have plenty of time to plan.  Don't worry.

    PS.  Being apart of someones big day is wonderful.  But paying for a bridesmaid dress, paying for your hair to get done, renting a tux, traveling for bachelorette, bachelor parties can be very expensive.  Maybe some people would rather just come to the wedding, relax and not worry about all that:) Just a thought.  
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    I understand not wanting people to feel left out, but at the same time I've been in 4 weddings and I jump for joy when a friend gets married and doesn't ask me to be in their wedding.  It is fun to be in a wedding don't get me wrong, but sometimes it's nice to be just a guest.  When I told my sister-in-law of 11 years, she was excited that she would NOT be in the wedding.

    I think though SO wanting to be in the wedding is strange, you don't pick your GM and BM based on who they are married too. 

    We did pick our wedding party out shortly after we were engaged too, about 15 months in advanced so I do understand that part.  If you have already asked everyone I guess all I can say is start saving and listen to the advise of some of the others, I really like Trix's advise.
    "Faith Hope and Love are some good things he gave us, and the greatest is Love"
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    ThautThaut member
    First Comment
    "No, no, no.  You shouldn't separate WP members from their dates.  It's rude and pointless.  If THAT'S the bride's plan, I understand why the SO's are upset (though I still wouldn't be demanding to be a BM)."

    So you think if the bridesmaid wants her SO to be apart of the wedding party, they should be???? I am sorry but this is not THEIR wedding nor THEIR day.  They can be seperated for a little while.  I am a bridesmaid next weekend and my fiance will be sitting at a table with all the other SOs right by the WP table.  He could careless!!! It is not our day, it is my friends day.  Planning a wedding is stressful enough, no one needs to have their add ons.  It is one night.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wits-end?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:0832ab5c-c890-4685-bbcf-cb64c48955ecPost:4a867606-1913-4334-be47-bf9d6350d876">Re: At My Wits End!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]"No, no, no.  You shouldn't separate WP members from their dates.  It's rude and pointless.  If THAT'S the bride's plan, I understand why the SO's are upset (though I still wouldn't be demanding to be a BM)." So you think if the bridesmaid wants her SO to be apart of the wedding party, they should be???? I am sorry but this is not THEIR wedding nor THEIR day.  They can be seperated for a little while.  <strong>I am a bridesmaid next weekend and my fiance will be sitting at a table with all the other SOs right by the WP table</strong>.  He could careless!!! It is not our day, it is my friends day.  Planning a wedding is stressful enough, no one needs to have their add ons.  It is one night.
    Posted by Thaut[/QUOTE]

    No, SOs of WP members don't need to be in the WP, this just means that for the reception is poor form.  Head tables are not traditional nor are they required, and you can seat WP SOs at the head table or come up with many creative solutions to not separate the couples during the reception .

    Bolded: Just because other people do it, doesn't make it okay.  That is fine that some people don't get bothered, but some people do. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wits-end?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:0832ab5c-c890-4685-bbcf-cb64c48955ecPost:4a867606-1913-4334-be47-bf9d6350d876">Re: At My Wits End!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]"No, no, no.  You shouldn't separate WP members from their dates.  It's rude and pointless.  If THAT'S the bride's plan, I understand why the SO's are upset (though I still wouldn't be demanding to be a BM)." So you think if the bridesmaid wants her SO to be apart of the wedding party, they should be???? I am sorry but this is not THEIR wedding nor THEIR day.  They can be seperated for a little while.  I am a bridesmaid next weekend and my fiance will be sitting at a table with all the other SOs right by the WP table.  He could careless!!! It is not our day, it is my friends day.  Planning a wedding is stressful enough, no one needs to have their add ons.  It is one night.
    Posted by Thaut[/QUOTE]

    The point is that they shouldn't be sitting separately during the reception, because there's no need to split up dates at a party honoring a loving couple.

    Not to mention that there's zero need for a bridal party-only head table, because guests really don't give that much of a crap who's on display and if there's a boyfriend at the head table not wearing a tux, or whatever.

    It's just so pointless. I can survive at a dinner with my husband sitting at another table, sure, but it'd still be mean of a friend to make me do it just so things "look pretty."
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