MIA: Bridesmaid

kelmal

Help? I appear to be missing a bridesmaid!!

I've been planning my wedding counting on their being 4 women in the bridal party (sis, bestie, HS friend, college friend) but one of them has completely gone off the grid! What do I do?

My sis and bestie (co-MOHs) have been trying to touch base with the girls to discuss party plans and I have been trying to get in touch to chat about dresses...we've heard from everybody except my friend from HS. We used to hang out every Friday night but for the past two months she's been avoiding me except for the rare facebook comment. It's been a good two months since we've seen each other.

What do I do?

LD1970

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_mia-bridesmaid-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0aadaf6b-64af-4c72-8317-2bb48ee88e05Post:17e5f2df-87ed-412b-a9be-25599737603b">MIA: Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]Help? I appear to be missing a bridesmaid!! I've been planning my wedding counting on their being 4 women in the bridal party (sis, bestie, HS friend, college friend) but one of them has completely gone off the grid! What do I do? My sis and bestie (co-MOHs) have been trying to touch base with the girls to discuss party plans and I have been trying to get in touch to chat about dresses...we've heard from everybody except my friend from HS. We used to hang out every Friday night but for the past two months she's been avoiding me except for the rare facebook comment. It's been a good two months since we've seen each other. What do I do?
Posted by kelmal[/QUOTE]
Sounds like she's got wedding burnout.  And you've got a LOT of time 'til the wedding.  Call or FB her to talk about something NON-wedding for a change.

kathrynhabibti

tldh, I'm afraid of what an actual full moon would be like; we're in gibbous waning right now.

Kate and StageManager, you have such a way of cutting right to the point. Seriously. ::admire::

marissa_claire

There's obviously a lot of business going on in here, but can I just ask if you have tried contacting her in multiple ways?  I mean if you've just been emailing her for two months that might be a problem.  Similarly, do you share any mutual friends that know what her deal is?  Could you call her mom perhaps?  There might very well be something going on that's more important than your wedding.  

SassyBrass

OP, even though I am unsure you will come back to your thread, I will still go ahead and comment.
I had planned a DW and had contacted friends for travel purposes. "Are you for sure going so I can pay a deposit for the group?" was pretty much it. I paid a deposit for some people that ended up not coming. An old friend of mine did seem to disappear. I was planning on asking her to be a bridesmaid, but it didn't happen since I didn't feel like stalking her to get in touch. Eventually, it became concerning, I knew she had gotten a new BF, but the fact that plenty of people couldn't get in touch with her (people not involved in the wedding had this problem) it concerned me. Was everything going okay? I didn't call or email much.. a couple of times in a month and figured she was a big girl and knew how to answer a voicemail.
It ended up that she never contacted me, and we lost $200 for paying a deposit for her and her BF after hearing an enthusiastic "we can't wait!!" then nothing. I understand stuff comes up. Maybe it turned out they just couldn't make it happen, which would be fine, but since there was never even a short email, I didn't know what the reasoning ended up being.
The wedding is over and still nothing. We were both hurt since she was one of our oldest friends. Oh well, it is what it is I guess. I don't want a gift, a congratulations, even my money back. I just wanted to know that everything was okay.

Anyhow, the reason the other girls mentioned the "wedding" stuff is because that was what was summed up in your post was that she hasn't responded to wedding stuff. That's the problem with online posting. Sarcasm isn't easy to read, info gets left out, people like to type like they are sending a text to a 14 year old, etc. Anyways, it looks like that's what most of us gathered from the post. I assume you are concerned outside of the wedding. It just came off that the wedding plans were your only basis of concern. Just be sure that even if you think they are being rude, you are reading between the lines, because most of the time, unless they straight up post "you're a troll go away" it's meant well.

eshaufle

OP - no one tried to minimize how you feel.  No one said you were ridiculous.  We can't give you a for sure answer on why she's MIA so all our responses are purely speculative.  You're going to hear some opinions that have your point of view and opinions that don't.  They're just trying to help so there's no reason to be mean to people.  I agree with all the pp 100% when maybe she's just burned out by wedding stuff or maybe just feeling burned out in general and that is why she has been MIA.

I have the same situation as a pp said...I talk to one of my best friends since we were babies once a month AT BEST.  It's just our friendship personality.  We went to different colleges, live in different cities, and so unless there's a big life-changing event or enough time between "catch-ups", calling each other up for the sake of communicating is kind of pointless in our minds.

Maybe that's not the type of friendship you have but do you know if she just had a change in her life?  Started school?  Started a job?  When I first started working for my company I was so incredibly tired trying to adjust to the 40+ hour a week schedule that I literally didn't pick up my phone for anyone lol.  I would get voicemails, texts and literally just forget to call people back.  I wasn't trying to be a bad friend...I was just so freaking tired lol. 

I'm just saying...there's usually an explanation for everything.  People on here just try to help you identify what that explanation is.  The suggestions won't be 100% rosy because one of the alternative possibilities is that you yourself did something to make her not want to communicate with you.  We hope that's not the case but unless someone brings it your attentions...how will you know to recitfy the situation if that's the case?