Am I Being Bridezilla?

[Deleted User]

I mentioned to my fiance and MOH that I'm thinking of wearing my hair half-up-half-down and that I wanted my bridesmaids to wear their hair up.  That it didn't matter how they styled just, just so long as it is up.  

My MOH, who is also my sister, immediately flipped out saying, "You can't tell us how to do our hair!!"  My fiance says I'm being bridezilla and trying to control too much.

I honestly don't see the problem with asking them to do their hair up - I just want my hair to be different from everyone else's.  I'm not demanding it be done professionally, or demanding a specific style, I just want it up.  Am I being unrealistic?

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_am-being-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0bbd108d-dda5-43b6-a0ef-5273e5f3ced7Post:97389066-040a-47a6-92b9-f4cfd2f91998">Am I Being Bridezilla?</a>:
[QUOTE]I mentioned to my fiance and MOH that I'm thinking of wearing my hair half-up-half-down and that I wanted my bridesmaids to wear their hair up.  That it didn't matter how they styled just, just so long as it is up.   My MOH, who is also my sister, immediately flipped out saying, "You can't tell us how to do our hair!!"  My fiance says I'm being bridezilla and trying to control too much. I honestly don't see the problem with asking them to do their hair up - I just want my hair to be different from everyone else's.  I'm not demanding it be done professionally, or demanding a specific style, I just want it up.  Am I being unrealistic?
Posted by binababy28[/QUOTE]

Yeah, you're pushing it. People will not confuse you with your BMs since you'll be the one in the big white dress saying "I Do".  Also, not everyone looks good with their hair up and the last thing you want is pictures of unhappy BMs who are uncomfortable with how they look.

Licia&Wayne

I agree with Mrs.B. Hair is a really personal thing and it just isn't worth making someone feel bad about the way they look just so your hair will be different.

Who cares how your BMs wear their hair? Be happy that they have it done in a way that makes them feel great about themselves and move on. There's no reason to micromanage their looks on your wedding day. You have much more important things to be thinking about.

andy71781

Its not bridezilla like yet - but its pushing it.  If you are going to dictate hair you have to pay for it. 

megk8oz

If your FI told you he thinks you're being a bridezilla, that's a pretty good indicator right there.

Hair is one of those really really really trivial things that absolutely does not in any way, shape or form matter.

Not everybody looks good with their hair up, not everybody is comfortable with their hair up, and most people can't hide it in a picture if they're not feeling confident in themselves, it's going to show in the pics. I gaurantee when you look at the pictures, it'll be way easier to notice that Jane looks uncomfortable than it would if her hair was down.

ETA: If you are going to care so much about hair that you dictate particular requirements, then you do have to pay for it.

banana468

You're walking the bridezilla line.

It's one thing to request it.  Now that you know your sister is not a fan of being told what to do, back off.   She's right that you can't tell them how to do their hair so just say, "Whatever you'd like is fine by me."

aerinpegadrak

If the two people closest to you are telling you that you're over the line, you'd do best to listen to them.

bablingbrooke

I wouldn't go so far as to say it's bridezilla, but it's awfully micro-manage-y and utterly not your call.  My BMs wore their hair in different styles and they looked fab because their styles looked good on them.  Observe:

The notion that the BMs have to look alike in every aspect is very passe.  Since it's already become an issue, let her wear her hair the way she wants.  No one's going to confuse you with the BMs--it's a freaking hairstyle.  You're still the one in the big white dress.

gottahavashorti

Your MOH is right.  There's a difference in reception between saying "I think updos would be a cute idea" and telling them if they ask that updos are nice but anything would be fine, versus requesting that they all wear their hair up.  Their hair is their decision.

trix1223

Listen to your MOH and your FI.  Because they're smart.  I think you're overthinking having your hair different from anyone else's. 

Reality check:  Can you tell me the styles of the BM hair in the last 6 weddings you've attended?  No?  That's because you were looking at the bride.  Your guests will be doing the same.

Let this go.

jagore08

IMO, if you have to ask if you're acting like a bridezilla then you probably are.

PharmacyBride

I look bad with my hair up.. I feel I have a man-ish face and I need my hair around my face to look pretty.  I can't tell you how upset I would be if someone demanded I wore my hair up!

I don't know how your friends look with their hair up- but if they look better with it down or half-up/half-down.. wouldn't you want them to look their best?!

mbcdefg

Yes.

Lilou902

When I was the MOH in a wedding last year the bride had to approve our hair.  I wanted to wear a cute flower clip in my hair and was told no.  Now that I am getting married the same girl asked me if she could wear a headband in her hair for my wedding.  I told her I should have said no because of how she acted with me, but I told her yes.  It really won't matter how ur girls look in comparison to you.  You are the bride.  You want your pics to be nice and in order to achieve that you are going to want happy and comfortable bms.  Let them do their hair the way they want.

deepcovejackie

Yep, you're pushing it.  Next time two people tell you you're being unreasonable, it would be wise to listen to them.  It's good that your MOH and FI were honest with you.

[Deleted User]

Ya know, even if ALL your BMs had their hair done the same way as  you, they will not look like you. Think realistically-- are they blonde? brunette? short hair? long hair? bob? what? How many friends (much less BMs) do you have with your EXACT same hair? Not matter how they decide to do it, you'll still look different, if that's what your worried about.

MyWedding13

It is pushing it. I think the most you can do is ask them to be presentable. I don't think you can even require them to get their hair professionally done....it sucks, i know, but I think it is something you just have to let go.

acbell4415

i can understand where your coming from wanting everything to be cohesive... but i was resently in a wedding and the bride told us to all wear our hair down with curls... the problem is that my hair doesn't curl i spent 2 hours on it and it fell in an hour... its a reasonable request but maybe it should be more of a suggestion

arv266

Yes.  The concept that your need your hair to be different from your BM is childish.  Does every single aspect of the day have to revolve around you?

kayakrunhike

Agreed, definitley pushing it.  They'll be happier and more comfortable if they choose how they do their hair.  If you require a certain look, even if its not specific, you have to foot the bill for it. 

PeonyPrincesskdd

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_am-being-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:0bbd108d-dda5-43b6-a0ef-5273e5f3ced7Post:97389066-040a-47a6-92b9-f4cfd2f91998">Am I Being Bridezilla?</a>:
[QUOTE]I mentioned to my fiance and MOH that I'm thinking of wearing my hair half-up-half-down and that I wanted my bridesmaids to wear their hair up.  That it didn't matter how they styled just, just so long as it is up.   My MOH, who is also my sister, immediately flipped out saying, "You can't tell us how to do our hair!!"  My fiance says I'm being bridezilla and trying to control too much. I honestly don't see the problem with asking them to do their hair up - I just want my hair to be different from everyone else's.  I'm not demanding it be done professionally, or demanding a specific style, I just want it up.  Am I being unrealistic?
Posted by binababy28[/QUOTE]

This one's easy.

Yes and Yes you are unrealistic.  You can't tell your wedding party how they can and can't do their hair.

You don't have to be the only one with that hairstyle.  That's ridiculous.

In my wedding party, we all had the same hairstyle, all up-do's.. and no one thought anything like "Why does the bride have an up do and all of the bridesmaids have the same hairstyle as the bride?"  We just all happened to like up-dos. 

What if one of your guests ends up wearing the same hairstyle as you?  Are you going to ask them to take it down? Because no one can have the same hair as you?

What is your mother or mother of the groom wanted the hair same hairstyle as you?  Are you going to tell them "No" too??

Then why are you going to tell your bridesmaids "No" they can't have their hair like yours, they have to wear up dos?

Bridesmaids know their own hair and know what looks best on them.  If they hate the way they look in an up-do, you want to force them and make them feel uncomfortable/unattractive all day long and miserable?  If they don't like that hairstyle on them, then you can't force them to have it just because you want to be the only one with your hair half up half down. 

SeptemberFall2011

NO!  NO! NO! I don't think you're being bridezilla-y at all!  Seeing that you said I would like to see...isnt a bad thing. Is your sister like mine?  Thinks your wedding is a bit hers and telling you what to do on X Y Z without you saying "What do you think?"  I'd ignore her.   As for your fiance-ask him why he thinks its toeing the line.  My fiance thought I was being a color nazi over who wore what because it didn't matter him.  But once he understood why it was important for me that someone wore color A rather than color B he was okay with it. 

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_am-being-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:0bbd108d-dda5-43b6-a0ef-5273e5f3ced7Post:9eb90b43-5527-4108-b9c6-2e659c72e682">Re: Am I Being Bridezilla?</a>:
[QUOTE]NO!  NO! NO! I don't think you're being bridezilla-y at all!  Seeing that you said I would like to see...isnt a bad thing. Is your sister like mine?  Thinks your wedding is a bit hers and telling you what to do on X Y Z without you saying "What do you think?"  I'd ignore her.   As for your fiance-ask him why he thinks its toeing the line.  <strong>My fiance thought I was being a color nazi over who wore what because it didn't matter him.</strong>  But once he understood why it was important for me that someone wore color A rather than color B he was okay with it. 
Posted by SeptemberFall2011[/QUOTE]

Who were you dictating color of attire to?

PeonyPrincesskdd

Also your wedding is not until next year.. February.. Why are you even fighting over hairstyles at this point?  Have you even had a hair trial yet?  What if you don't even like the half up half up style and want to change it.  Even if you don't do a trial, you still might change your mind about your hair style so I think it's too early to be dictating who gets to wear their hair this way and who wears their hair that way.  This is something you should be thinking about later on.

filaw

I agree that FI's can sometimes be a little "out of it" in the attire department.

My mom showed up to our wedding wearing a white dress that look an awful lot like a wedding dress.  I was shocked by it, and when later that week I was talking to him about how much it surprised and hurt me, he said, "oh no, it was kind of yellow right?  I'm sure no one thought it was a big deal."  I was surprised he thought so, because I myself noticed several of the ladies in attendence (MOG, SOG, Bridesmaids, Groomswomen, Officiant, etc.) take shocked and suprised notice when they first saw my mother.

Later he saw a picture of her and this time he *was* shocked.  He said, "whoa, I didn't notice at the time, but really, without context, you'd totally think she was the bride."

So yeah, FI's aren't *always* a good measure.  That being said, I would talk to your FI about it, he might have some great perspective for you.

I also wouldn't call you a "bridezilla" because that's such a charged word, and it usually implies a kind of mass intentionaly disreguard of other people's feelings and needs, and it sounds like it just didn't occur to you that they would have a problem with this request.

But, since you're sister obviously does have a problem with it, I wouldn't push it.  It's fair to have a gentle conversation with her about what her concerns are, etc, and see why she reacted so strongly to your request, but if she feels at all strongly about the hair, I'd just let it go.

happy_sarah

 If any of my bridesmaids asked me to wear my hair up at their wedding I would do it. 

Maybe you could hire someone to style everyone's hair?

PeonyPrincesskdd

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_am-being-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:0bbd108d-dda5-43b6-a0ef-5273e5f3ced7Post:4c762efb-4df7-4338-9a45-bf1f7526b7b5">Re: Am I Being Bridezilla?</a>:
[QUOTE] If any of my bridesmaids asked me to wear my hair up at their wedding I would do it.  Maybe you could hire someone to style everyone's hair?
Posted by happy_sarah[/QUOTE]

Yeah because maybe you don't mind having your hair up.. but the bm has a problem with it and apparently does not want to have her hair up.  Maybe she hates it or feels uncomfortable.. another poster said it makes her feel manly without hair down or flowing.. whatever the reason, if the bm is so against that hairstyle, the bride should be a little more reasonable

bablingbrooke

happy_sarah, that's great that you would do what the bride asked.  Unfortunately, it's neither a reasonable nor appropriate thing for the bride to request.  So if the BM or MOH says no, that's the end of that.  

Sometimes a BM's hair won't cooperate with the bride's request.  I was once ordered to wear my hair down with curls.  20 minutes into the ceremony and before the photos, the curls were gone.  No amount of hairspray could help.  There are some things about your wedding you just don't need to control, and how the WP does their hair is one of them.

gottahavashorti

If I were told to wear my hair down and it was really humid or raining out, you bet someone would be regretting that requirement when looking at the wedding pictures.  And the photographer would be having fun editing out some mad frizz.

lblumetti

I personally always thought it was silly to dictate on how girls have to wear their hair.  #1 - a bridal hairstyle is always different from a bridesmaid style.  There is never confusion on 'who is the bride'.  I think people get too wrapped up in that.  I like how everyone can do a style that works for them - every person has diffrent hair...and certain styles may work best for their type.

heathdanox

It all depends on how you said it. If it was rude, then yes. If a suggestion, then no. I'd get the whole party together and talk to them about th hairstyle they'd like to wear, and the one that you'd like to wear. But if you do have them wear the hairstyle you want, it would be best to pay for it to be done. That way you can tell them that you are paying for it, and if they don't want to have it that way, they can pay for themselves. But honeslty think real carefuly about whether or not this is something real important to you.