Choosing a Bridemaid dress that another Bride who is a friend, has chosen?

KarmaScott

Hi There,

I am having a little bit of a moral dilemma. I recently started looking for dresses with my bridemaids and found these gorgeous Alfred Angelo Dresses that myself, and my bridemaids fell in love with.

The problem is they are the same dress that friend of mine who is getting engaged (but has no date set) had her heart set on for her bridemaids.

Thier wedding does not have a firm date set but they are thinking August of 2011 (which is before mine in October) and her colors will be black dresses with white accents and mine will be chocolate brown with iivory accents.

I know I shouldn't be worried because there will be differences but is it wrong, or rude or tacky to choose the same dress?

trix1223

Well, I'd say that a woman who isn't yet engaged and doesn't have a wedding date set doesn't get to choose BM dresses.  If you and your WP love the dress and it's within the budget your friends are comfortable with, I'd say get it.

You don't get to "reserve" things before you're even engaged.

gottahavashorti

Unless you're both intentionally copying off of each other and using all of the same details, colors, and have similar guest lists, I see no issue with using the BM dress.

jagore08

If you and your BM all love the dress then you should get them.

KarmaScott

Thta's what i was thinking! I know that if the situation was reversed I wouldn't care. I just didn't know how to apporach. I gues I will just talk to her before any desicions are made. Thanks all!

stina93446

She doesn't get to reserve anything. It's a dress that is mass manufactured. If she gets upset about this, I dare you to find other brides that have had their bms wear it too. 

MyWedding13

If she isn't even engaged, she doesn't get to pick out things. Sorry! If that is the dress you all are in love with, get it. It won't be identical since the colors are different. So what.

bablingbrooke

If you like the BM dress, and it's in your BMs' price range and they love it too, then go with it.  Like PPs said, she doesn't get to reserve her BM dress years in advance for her hypothetical wedding.  If she flips out, she's in the wrong.  I bet you anything she changes her mind anyway once her wedding rolls around, and there's a chance the style won't even be available yet.

I'm going to leave out the issues of planning her wedding without being engaged, because I think that's nuts too.  It's one thing to think, "I'd like a fall wedding someday," but quite another to say, "I'm not engaged yet but I want the wedding on this day and we're going to get these BMd dresses."  

AbbeyS2011

Your post reminds me of a story I heard when I was expecting my oldest son:  it seems there is a neighborhood (probably more than one) that has alot of stay-at-home moms.  They all got together often for play groups amongst the kids, and got along well.  The kicker is this:  when a new mom was expecting, she was not allowed to "copy" another mom's nursery theme!  If someone decorated in Pooh Bear stuff, then it was taken and considered off-limits!  Lame, but possibly true!  Since they all lived near each other, they kept tabs on who did what.

You choose the style of BM gowns you want for your wedding.  Since my wedding date has been set, I have changed my mind on dresses at least 4 times.  I am sure your friend will be the same when she actually sets a date.

suz62984

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_choosing-bridemaid-dress-another-bride-friend-chosen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:0caac8e1-8db5-4af9-a2a4-788726761007Post:f11a14d7-5acf-409f-9292-61669eb86643">Re: Choosing a Bridemaid dress that another Bride who is a friend, has chosen?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, I'd say that a woman who isn't yet engaged and doesn't have a wedding date set doesn't get to choose BM dresses.  If you and your WP love the dress and it's within the budget your friends are comfortable with, I'd say get it. You don't get to "reserve" things before you're even engaged.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

This...and I will add that Alfred Angelo is a big bridal designer. Seriously, she can't be mad if you have the same dresses but different colors. There are milions of people who will be using the same dresses in her color. She can't reserve that particular style and color for just her wedding.

rainedrop6

I think you should definitely talk to your friend about it. If her wedding is going to happen first, she probably won't care but she may appreciate the heads up. If her wedding will be after yours, I think you should consider thinking about a different dress, especially if you would have an overlap in bridesmaids or guests. Obviously since you know she wants this dress, she has showed it to you prior to your picking it out and I think you should respect that (unless you showed her the dress and she was like "hey, that's my dress" and then I say it's fair game). 

I disagree with the whole reserving a dress idea being inappropriate. If she didn't have a boyfriend and there was no potential for a wedding in the near future, I would agree but it sounds as though this couple is on the verge of "official" engagement and in that case planning things a year in advance is hardly nuts. To me, if they are talking about their wedding and making plans, they are already engaged she just hasn't gotten the ring yet.