Uneven Wedding Party?

225jenny

Hey ladies,  I'm wondering if any of you have some advice.  

Shortly after my fiance and I got engaged, I knew exactly who I wanted to invite to be a bridesmaid in the wedding.  I waited about a month after we were engaged - so my fiance and I could talk it over.   I have chosen a combination of my 4 best friends, my cousin, my sister-in-law and my little sister (who will be the maid of honor)... for a total of 7 bridesmaids.  

I thought that my fiance had chosen his groomsmen, but now seems to be having a really hard time.  He's chosen his one and only brother as his best man.  He and my brother are friends so he's already invited him to be a groomsman along with one of his friends from college.  So, as of now, my fiance only has 3 guys for his side of the wedding party.  He was in the military and moved around a lot -- not having a chance to establish long-lasting friendships with other guys.  

I'd like to have a groomsman to escort each of the bridesmaids... but I don't want to pressure my fiance to find 4 more guys.  I think he's actually starting to feel a little bummed about the whole thing.

What should I do?  How can I help my fiance?

aerinpegadrak

From the top of the page:

Are uneven sides okay? (Yes!)

mgietler76

He doesn't need to find 4 more guys and your girls don't all need to be escorted down the aisle. I've been in 2 weddings where the GM's were already lined up at the front when the BM's walked alone, or you could have 2 girls walk with 1 guy?

mbcdefg

You ask who you want, and he asks who he wants. It's fine if it's uneven.

The Best Man can escort your Maid of Honor. The two groomsmen can each escort two bridesmaids. And two bridesmaids can walk side-by-side. This is personally what I would do, if you want people walking in pairs. (Although at my wedding, the groomsmen waited at the altar and the bridesmaids walked down the aisle solo, then they paired off for the recessional at the end. This is another option for you. Especially good because people don't really pay attention to the recessional because they're getting their stuff together to walk out.)

Or, two bridesmaids to each of the three groomsmen, and someone walks solo. It's a 30-second walk, so don't worry about someone feeling "left out." Really, it's not a big deal.

Or, everyone walks solo in a single line, and it's 100% "fair." (Although, again, don't overthink it and worry about people being "lonely," because they won't be. It's a quick walk, not a date.)

You can figure all this out at the rehearsal in about five minutes. Don't sweat it. It'd be stupid for your FI to round up four random guys just to fill slots, and it'd be mean to leave out four women you love just to keep things even. There is no reason why you must have an even bridal party.

Another option: if your sister-in-law is your FI's sister, she could always stand on his side as HIS attendant if the two of them are close and if he wants her as a groomswoman. But you don't have to shuffle her around JUST to even things out a bit. Mixed-gender bridal parties are normal and common, but it's because the bride/groom is asking a friend that they love, not to just balance things out.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_uneven-wedding-party-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0cd3727a-db9d-4ac5-8982-d4f939ee5c64Post:c0a2787e-5b04-4864-b340-35ea196ed4fb">Uneven Wedding Party?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey ladies,  I'm wondering if any of you have some advice.   Shortly after my fiance and I got engaged, I knew exactly who I wanted to invite to be a bridesmaid in the wedding.  I waited about a month after we were engaged - so my fiance and I could talk it over.   I have chosen a combination of my 4 best friends, my cousin, my sister-in-law and my little sister (who will be the maid of honor)... for a total of 7 bridesmaids.   I thought that my fiance had chosen his groomsmen, but now seems to be having a really hard time.  He's chosen his one and only brother as his best man.  He and my brother are friends so he's already invited him to be a groomsman along with one of his friends from college.  So, as of now, my fiance only has 3 guys for his side of the wedding party.  He was in the military and moved around a lot -- not having a chance to establish long-lasting friendships with other guys.   <strong>I'd like to have a groomsman to escort each of the bridesmaids..</strong>. but I don't want to pressure my fiance to find 4 more guys.  I think he's actually starting to feel a little bummed about the whole thing. What should I do?  How can I help my fiance?
Posted by 225jenny[/QUOTE]

The bolded part may be what you want, but it's obviously not all that important to your FI.    So you change your "vision" to reflect reality.

WPs are not, anymore, about symmetry.  They are about having your nearest and dearest stand up with you.  So you pick your "side" and he picks his "side" and you both have a happy wedding.

Because in the end, if you try to "help him" by forcing him to add 4 more people, you're valuing a 30 second walk down the aisle more than your FI's feelings.  And I know you don't want to do that.

GL

mbcdefg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_uneven-wedding-party-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:0cd3727a-db9d-4ac5-8982-d4f939ee5c64Post:a8c98a32-b2bf-4c32-ab42-472ff4a15800">Re: Uneven Wedding Party?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Uneven Wedding Party? : The bolded part may be what you want, but it's obviously not all that important to your FI.    So you change your "vision" to reflect reality. WPs are not, anymore, about symmetry.  They are about having your nearest and dearest stand up with you.  So you pick your "side" and he picks his "side" and you both have a happy wedding. Because in the end, if you try to "help him" by forcing him to add 4 more people, you're valuing a 30 second walk down the aisle more than your FI's feelings.  And I know you don't want to do that. GL
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

I took it to mean that she wants them all to walk in pairs if she can, rather than have the girls walk in solo and the guys stand up front (as I did with my wedding, like I mentioned above).

I mean, IDK if this is true, but that's the way I read it. I didn't think it was necessarily, "I want one guy for each girl no matter what."

trix1223

malphabet:  that's exactly what I meant.  She said "I'd like to have a GM escort each of the bridesmaids"  so I think she is looking for even sides, and wants to "help" her FI pick more guys to even things out.

MyNameIsNot

Uneven sides are normally, and very common.  After all, how often is it that two people with exactly the same number of close friends gets married?

If you'd like to have the men escort the women, have each guy walk with 2 ladies.