Wedding Party
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Sick of people's comments

We have decided not to have a wedding party. I got so stressed trying to think about who I would want in my wedding that I finally just said "Forget it!" and decided not to have anyone! I don't really like the idea of choosing who is the most important to me. A lot of my closest friends live far away and I don't stay in contact with them much anymore plus it is just too complicated to have bridesmades from all over the country. I don't want to choose anyone else just to have someone. I really just prefer not having anyone and my FI is OK with that too.

My issue is that friends and family keep asking about it like I'm going to change my mind or they try and talk me into it. Something about the way they ask about it is just so insulting!  I feel like they think I don't have friends. It's REALLY getting on my nerves! I don't want anyone to try and talk me into it anymore! How do I tell them to lay off?

Re: Sick of people's comments

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    Bean dip.

    Just don't give them the opportunity to talk about it. Change the subject. If someone is prattling on about how you need a WP, just say, "Oh my goodness! Have you tried this bean dip? It's wonderful," or something equally subject changing.

    If people persist, just let them know that you're thankful for their suggestions, but have made the decision not to have a wedding party.
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    It's a girl!
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    Basically, having a WP is one of those things that I say "F*ck it, it's your day, do what you want" (You probably don't know this, but I very rarely say that). If you don't want one, why bother?

    I would just say it once "I don't want the stress of one (Picking attire, buying gifts, getting extra flowers, keeping track of x amount of extra people's schedules that day, etc)" and move on. Then break out the bean dip like it's the party of the century.

    Seriously, there's nothing wrong with skipping one. It's not like the Marriage Police are going to storm your ceremony a la SWAT team and burn your marriage certificate if you don't have one, lol

     Enjoy the headaches you're sparing yourself and ignore the idiots. Good luck!

    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
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    "Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
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    Stick to your guns, there's nothing wrong with what you're doing.  Good luck!
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    If you did have a wedding party, closer to wedding, you'd probably want to scream and change your mind. If you don't have wedding party, people assume you are friend-less and make comments....this is a no-win situation.

    I am happy to read someone here is going without a wedding party, according to other knotties, they cause you unnecessary stress and headaches, see all the wedding party posts.....

    As for the comments,   simply say you didn't want to hurt someone's feelings if they weren't chosen and decided you don't need bridesmaids...because in my opinion, you really don't. If you need help with things, I am sure mother, cousins, friends would gladly  jump in and help, ex: holding your bouquet at ceremony.
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    The next time anyone asks you, tell them your reasons for not having a WP.  Then tell them that you're not going to discuss it anymore, and then don't.

    When they start in again, remind them that you already told them you're not going to discuss it and that the next time, you'll be hanging up the phone, leaving the room, getting in your car, etc.

    The key is to follow through.  When they ask yet again, hang up.  Leave the room.  Get in your car and go home.  They'll get the picture.

    And FWIW:  my sister and BIL didn't have a WP.  And it was, IMO, so romantic with just the two of them in front of the church together.  Had I not been married, I probably would have done the same thing.

    The minister, I think, put her flowers on a table behind him during the ceremony, and then gave them back to her before the recessional.  My mom and his dad signed the license as witnesses.  Voila.  A wonderful wedding.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    I think you have to develop some thicker skin. The norm is to have a WP. It is natural for people to be taken back by you not having a WP. If you are confident in your reasons for not having a WP, it shouldn't bother you.
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    Ditto the others. There's nothing wrong with your choice. I am sure that lots of people out there wish they'd had the guts not to have a wedding party after the fact. Ditto whoever said that this is one of those rare, "It's your day so you can have whatever you want" moments (rare in that it does not mean you are a brat if you get your way on this choice).

    Change the subject, ignore people or just walk away if they give you a hard time. Or just turn the question back around on them: "Why do you care so much?" or "This isn't even your wedding ... why are you obsessing over my decision so much?" Dollars to donuts says they'll feel stupid and STFU about it.

    The exception would be if it's your FI asking why you both won't be having attendants. If he wants people to stand for him, that's perfectly O.K., and you do not need to ask anyone to stand for you even if he has people standing for him. Anyone else, tell them to butt out.
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    I'm not having a WP.  I tell people that:

    - There were no obvious choices to make without hurting someone's feelings
    - I didn't want to deal with the stress of wrangling bridesmaids, after seeing my friends go through it
    - We think it will be a lot more intimate this way, and other people have told me they really enjoyed seeing WP-less weddings

    And then I just leave it at that.  If they try and push some random female on me because they just don't get that I don't want any bridesmaids (which happens a lot, actually), I say, "No, I really don't want bridesmaids" and change the subject.
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    zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited July 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sick-of-peoples-comments?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:0edb2a30-af6e-494d-b1dd-66738260dd75Post:660adf16-3d8e-4e30-bd76-0cd8a8bac2ca">Re: Sick of people's comments</a>:
    [QUOTE] Or just turn the question back around on them: "Why do you care so much?" or "This isn't even your wedding ... why are you obsessing over my decision so much?" Dollars to donuts says they'll feel stupid and STFU about it. Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]

    I like this better than trying to explain to them why you've chosen the way you have -- that just gives them ammunition to continue trying to get you to change your mind. Or maybe "If it really bothers you that much, check NO on the RSVP card. We'll manage just fine with your absence."

    We didn't have a bridal party and it was the best wedding-related decision we made.
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    Thanks everyone! Great advice! I feel a lot better being able to vent about it and getting so much support here!
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    If your FI isn't having any GM, tell them it will be romantic to have just the two of you up there.  And that no one will have to purchase expensive attire that they don't really want.
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    Stick to your decision and hang in there - a WP is by no means mandatory and other people will always have an opinion. Do follow through on your "I've already told you why we've chosen not have a Wedding Party" convictions, though - and feel free to hang up / change the subject / leave the room if someone keeps pressing the subject. Annoying.
    The Bump ate my signature. DD - Apr 2011 DS - expected June 2013
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    @meg, love your Siggy quote.
    And OP, I'm basically right where you are.. I don't NEED anyone to stand with my up there, other than FI.. Stand up for what you want. And I agree, change the subject. And you could always say, thanks for your opinion, but I've got it figured out..
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        I hear you loud and clear.
        I picked my party soon as I got engaged four months ago. Wedding is Oct 2011 I know its far out but I picked those closest to me and I communicate with litterally on a daily basis which is four girls my guy has three guys.
        I have tons of close freinds, bffs and if I had all of them up there for me Id have 20 bridesmaids no joke.
        I have one freind (OOT Freind) who lives out of town and she flipped that I didnt pick her. I talk to her maybe once a month see her maybe twice a year or so. We been freinds fifteen years or more. My Matron of honor was actually pissed I choose BM #2 over this freind. She got mad cause of the 15 year relationship and I put it out there oh really? Well Ive known BM #2 since I was in kindergarten so? thats longer than 15 years with OOT freind.

     I just totally cancelled everything. Im not having a Wp then. DRAMA.

    I may change my mind later, I actually want too when all this drama cools down
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    For the first month or so that we were engaged my FI and I had lots of discussions/disagreements about this.  We both had an obvious choice for MOH and BM but beyond that, I really struggled.  He wanted his three best friends but I did not want anyone else on my side because I didn't want to have to choose between his three sisters, my five nieces plus many friends, etc. and I did not want 20 people standing up there with us.  So we finally compromised and he agreed to let his three guys just be ushers then go sit down.  We asked my oldest niece and nephew to be Jr's and my other four nieces will be flower girls and I'm very happy with this!

    So, I find out from my mom because she can't keep anything from me, that one of my brothers is very upset and disappointed that he's not in the wedding.  OMG!  The man is 43 years old!  Who gets that upset at that age to NOT be asked to be in a wedding?  I mean I'm having all four of his kids in it for crying out loud!  If it was me, I would be relieved that I did not have to spend the money on a dress I would never wear again, etc.!  Well, we did NOT give in to the pressure and kept things the way we had agreed on.  We did ask all of our siblings to be involved somehow, whether by doing readings, etc.  So hopefully, that has appeased him but honestly I can't be worred about that because it is his issue that he is so upset and if he isn't mature enough to get over it, well, then I feel sorry for him.

    So, with all of that said, I say stick to your guns and just tell people who ask that you've made your decision, this is what you want your wedding to look like, you don't want 20 people standing up there with you and that is that.  End of story.  Sorry this was so long.
    Vicki & Ali - 3/5/11 Wedding Countdown Ticker
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